Author Topic: I'm such a rollercoaster of mixed feelings...  (Read 858 times)

LeahRoot84

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I'm such a rollercoaster of mixed feelings...
« on: December 31, 2016, 06:38:16 AM »
One day I'm mad, the next I'm sad, the next I find my light again, and I can smile. And BAM!!! It hits me all over again. I feel like I'm just waiting for him to come home, like I'm going to see him pull into our driveway and find out, this was all some bad dream.

I would give anything to curl up into his arms and kiss him. I would like one more time to tell him everything he meant to me and the children. It's been a mean world without my handsome sweet husband. :(

I'm just not feeling the day today. I want him here...💔
Leah

geminigirl

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Re: I'm such a rollercoaster of mixed feelings...
« Reply #1 on: January 02, 2017, 12:30:23 PM »
I don't have any profound words for you but I just wanted to let you know that you're not alone. I'm at 7 1/2 months and I'm the same way. My emotions are still all over the place too. Shit by noon most days I've cried, I've cursed the world, I've even felt a little bit of hope.

Some days I stay in a funk all day but most days now I find myself smiling at something. That's not something I could have said four months ago so I think that's progress. I still usually cry at least once a day but I'm able to pull myself together afterwards.

I don't know when things are supposed to get better, I'm still waiting. I suppose they are slightly better. Just keep moving, that's all we can do now. I try to find joy where I can, in my children, my friends, nature, a good cup of coffee. I take what I can get. I'm sorry I know it sucks.

mbanyard

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Re: I'm such a rollercoaster of mixed feelings...
« Reply #2 on: January 02, 2017, 10:30:42 PM »
I am there with you today too ladies. Today I just couldn't get motivated to do, well, much of anything. One day I'm ok, the next I'm a wreck and then I am through a rollercoaster until I get another good-ish day.

I dreamed of him the other night too...he came to tell me it was all a mistake and wasn't true at all.....yet when I woke up it sure was. So, now I haven't really slept in 2 days.

I agree with Geminigirl though, as we can do I continue to try our very best to move forward in some way....one tiny step at a time!

It does suck though and I hope that some day it sucks a bit less. At least none of us are totally alone.

MB
We either make ourselves miserable, or we make ourselves strong. The amount of work is the same....and I choose strong!

beth_krkswidow

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Re: I'm such a rollercoaster of mixed feelings...
« Reply #3 on: January 03, 2017, 09:39:22 AM »
No profound words here, either.  Just knowing whereof you speak,  and being right there with you. 
"Until my last breath, I loved you more than life itself." ~Kirk, in his envelope to be opened only upon his death.  And now I to you, My Love, until my last breath...

LeahRoot84

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Re: I'm such a rollercoaster of mixed feelings...
« Reply #4 on: January 05, 2017, 01:53:06 PM »
I'm so sorry you all are feeling a similar pain. I'm truly hoping it gets easier as I have heard from others. Hugs to you all!
Leah

KrypticKat

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Re: I'm such a rollercoaster of mixed feelings...
« Reply #5 on: February 17, 2017, 07:04:57 AM »
Sending you all hugs.
It's probably the most frustrating thing not feeling in control of your own mind. Like you never know when the grief is going to hijack you. Geminigirl I agree with you that it does get better from the first few months to after 6 months to some extent but I still have days where it seems to come back like it's week one all over again.

I miss my husband so much and would do anything to see him one more time but I have accepted that will never happen as much as I hate it. I just wish I didn't have to relive the worst of the pain over and over randomly as the days go on.

beth_krkswidow

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Re: I'm such a rollercoaster of mixed feelings...
« Reply #6 on: February 22, 2017, 01:25:53 PM »
See, I don't think my brain has completely wrapped itself around the fact that he's never coming home.  I KNOW that.  But somehow I don't "know" that.  I just want him back and cannot understand how I am still existing. 
"Until my last breath, I loved you more than life itself." ~Kirk, in his envelope to be opened only upon his death.  And now I to you, My Love, until my last breath...

MR

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Re: I'm such a rollercoaster of mixed feelings...
« Reply #7 on: February 22, 2017, 03:54:50 PM »
I think everyone will accept the truth but will take their own time. I noticed my kids have accepted the truth faster than me. I still sometimes keep looking for her inside the home at night. Some days don't feel much pain some days can't stop myself. Also if you are surrounded by people i noticed I feel less pain.