Author Topic: Reeling From my husbands accidental death on December 19th .  (Read 1684 times)

Rebecca70

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Reeling From my husbands accidental death on December 19th .
« on: December 31, 2016, 01:32:00 PM »
Hello everyone,
My name is Rebecca and I lost my husband in a skiing accident on December 19th. Our family (my 17 and 19 year olds and us) rented  a condo for a short weekend. It was completely unexpected. I'm heartbroken and trying to deal with the waves of grief. I feel so lost. I can't believe that it's only been 12 days. It seems like forever. I'm hoping to connect with some of you who have experienced an unexpected loss like this. Thanks so much.

RobFTC

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Re: Reeling From my husbands accidental death on December 19th .
« Reply #1 on: December 31, 2016, 01:58:14 PM »
Rebecca,

I am so sorry for your loss.  A sudden loss, especially away from home, must be almost impossible to process.  I am glad you found us.

My loss was from cancer, so was different in some crucial ways.  I am six years out, and all I can tell you is that it gets better.  Make sure you drink enough water, and keep posting.  This forum has been important to me.

Take care,
Rob T
There was something fishy about the butler.  I think he was a Pisces, probably working for scale.

Wheelerswife

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Re: Reeling From my husbands accidental death on December 19th .
« Reply #2 on: December 31, 2016, 02:07:54 PM »
Hi, Rebecca, from another seasoned widow.

I'm so sorry for for the sudden loss of your beloved husband and the father of your children.  I lost my first husband after a prolonged illness, but my second husband died very unexpectedly almost 3 years ago.  The shock of my second husband's death (unknown heart disease) was very overwhelming.

As my friend Rob says, make sure you keep drinking water, eat when you can, sleep when you can, and keep posting here.

This place has been a lifeline to many of us.

Hugs,

Maureen
Life is short.  Love with all you've got. 

Barry 11/29/55-9/22/09       John  1/16/57-1/11/14

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Laura1612

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Re: Reeling From my husbands accidental death on December 19th .
« Reply #3 on: December 31, 2016, 03:04:06 PM »
Rebecca,

I am so sorry you have to be here. Keep talking to us. We are here. I also sent you a private message.

Laura
« Last Edit: December 31, 2016, 03:17:19 PM by Laura1612 »
May the Force be with you.

trying2breathe

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  • Widowed August 2013
Re: Reeling From my husbands accidental death on December 19th .
« Reply #4 on: December 31, 2016, 03:11:00 PM »
Rebecca   So very sorry that you're here, but glad that you found this group.  This group been an incredible help to me these past few years, filled with people that have a good idea of what you're going through.  I too suddenly and unexpectedly lost my husband over 3 years ago.  Day to day, hour to hour, minute to minute if you have to - breathe, drink water, eat when you can.  Find comfort with your children.  We're here for you. 


Big hugs ~
Have I told you lately how much I love you?

Adventureland

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Re: Reeling From my husbands accidental death on December 19th .
« Reply #5 on: December 31, 2016, 08:04:22 PM »
My husband died in an accident three months ago. I still can't process it.

MR

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Re: Reeling From my husbands accidental death on December 19th .
« Reply #6 on: January 01, 2017, 05:49:51 AM »
Hi Rebecca,
Hugs and Sorry for your loss. I lost my wife 4 months back unexpectedly and still trying to digest the reality. It will take time some days will be worse than others. Take one moment at a time. Don't take any big decisions if not needed. Drink lots of water and eat as much as you can but make sure you eat.

Hugs
Manoj

Kater

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Re: Reeling From my husbands accidental death on December 19th .
« Reply #7 on: January 01, 2017, 10:08:44 AM »
Hi Rebecca.  I am sorry for your loss but glad you found this site.  It has been an important resource for me in navigating life after loss.

My husband died suddenly of a heart attack just over a year ago while we were visiting family in my hometown.  What I found really difficult was not being able to talk to him, to say what I wanted to say but didn't get the chance to.  What helped me was to write him letters.  Initially, I wrote everyday.  Sometimes twice a day if I had something I wanted to tell him that popped up.  It's much less often now, but I still do it. 

Lots of good advice already mentioned here.  Be very kind and patient with yourself.  This is a long process.  I went back to work very soon after (it was the right decision for me, but that's different for everyone), but all I required of myself for the first few months was to get my job done, and keep me and my dog alive (although she mattered more to me than I did).  I would literally just sit on my couch for hours some days doing nothing but thinking and trying to process.  Grieving is exhausting, so take advantage of others help where it is offered. 

Take care.  Sending you a hug.
Kate

JP

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Re: Reeling From my husbands accidental death on December 19th .
« Reply #8 on: January 01, 2017, 04:01:05 PM »
Hi Rebecca,
Was sudden and accidental for me, just over a month ago now. I never got to say goodbye, I think that is the hardest part for me.

Jess

Julester3

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Re: Reeling From my husbands accidental death on December 19th .
« Reply #9 on: January 02, 2017, 08:31:34 AM »
I am so sorry you have to be with us here but it will help you as it has been so helpful for so many of us here. I hope in the coming days you and your children can grieve in peace and have time to absorb the shock of the situation. It can be as hard for teenaged kids as much as young children. Unexpected loss is hard (my own husband died of a heart attack) in the way that we have so much unresolved because we were living our lives as usual and this happens with no warning. It's hard not to dwell on what could have been because those were our plans and dreams and in a single moment, it's gone, never to be the same.

Hugs and peace for you today. Take it slow and give yourself time and space.

geminigirl

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Re: Reeling From my husbands accidental death on December 19th .
« Reply #10 on: January 02, 2017, 09:10:20 AM »
I lost my husband to an accident almost 8 months ago. Try not to think too far in the future right now, focus on getting through each hour then eventually through each day. I'm so sorry, ((hugs)) to you.

momtokam

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Re: Reeling From my husbands accidental death on December 19th .
« Reply #11 on: January 02, 2017, 12:29:50 PM »
I'm very sorry Rebecca.
My husband died in a sudden accident 4 plus years ago.
It was a long while of being in a complete fog and haze for me. Many things I still can't truly remember about those early days.

I can say things do get better. It's hard, I'm sure, to think that now and I would not have believed anyone if they told me that early on.

Hang tight and breathe....Biggest hugs to you.

Mizpah

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Re: Reeling From my husbands accidental death on December 19th .
« Reply #12 on: January 03, 2017, 03:40:51 PM »
Hi Rebecca, and I'm so sorry. I lost my husband when he was 28. We left for work on a Friday, excited for the weekend and before noon I received a call and was at the hospital. He'd been hit by a car while standing on a sidewalk and had massive brain and other injuries. Surgery didn't save him and my life and world were gone. I barely remember the first couple/few months. To say that many aspects of life were very difficult for me would be an understatement. I was traumatized. I did lots of therapy and exercise and getting outside in sunshine. Lots of writing. Its different for everyone but I felt more myself again and felt alive again after a couple years. It's brutal. It's a terrible shock. It takes a long time to regain footing. I'm so sorry for your loss and we're all here for you. I hope you find moments of comfort and solace. Keep breathing.
widowed 2011 (DH 28)

Jess

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Re: Reeling From my husbands accidental death on December 19th .
« Reply #13 on: January 04, 2017, 10:59:19 AM »
Hi Rebecca, I am so very sorry for your loss. My husband didn't die in an accident, but did pass with no warning. He was in decent health when he had the first and only seizure of his life just before midnight on a Friday. He went into cardiac arrest on the ambulance, and was dead shortly after midnight. Almost 2.5 years later, it still feels so strange to type those words, but I have fought hard to get to a better place.

I remember the first few months when time was so screwed up. Every day felt like a week and a month felt like a year. Waiting for time to pass for excruciating, but there was no activity that could hold my attention enough to distract me enough to let it pass. What you are feeling is a completely normal reaction to completely abnormal circumstances. You can do this and we are here to listen and support you along the way.
On particularly rough days when I'm sure I can't possibly endure, I like to remind myself that my track record for getting through bad days so far is 100% and that's pretty good. - Unknown

Don't be concerned about being disloyal to your pain by being joyous. - Hazrat Inayat Khan

Joe: 1979- 7/2014

iloveyoualways

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Re: Reeling From my husbands accidental death on December 19th .
« Reply #14 on: January 05, 2017, 01:03:12 AM »
Hi Rebecca, I'm sad that you had to join us. I'm another skiing widow. I was widowed almost six years ago. I never got to say goodbye to the love of my life that I married only four years before. We had a two year old at the time of his tragic death. So I understand. Sadly. I have had a lot of anger too. Due to the nature of his death we lost almost everything. I have had to grieve a lot of losses in addition to losing him so young at thirty four. I have sent you a private message and am here if you need to talk. I will be thinking of you and your kids.