Author Topic: Making Plans  (Read 1258 times)


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Making Plans
« on: September 02, 2015, 08:00:12 PM »
Some of you may or may not remember that I was thinking about giving, or renting, our house out to my brother and his family. I have decided that is the best thing for me, them and my parents.

See we all currently live in the same house and it's just too much. I can't afford to live there by myself so this was the most logical choice.

Anyway, A LOT of emotions have come up. I haven't actually moved anything yet but I guess my brother got sick of waiting on me because he started painting this week. I have been furious. I wanted everything to stay the same until I was ready. But will I ever really be ready? It's been over three years and seeing the painted trim tonight made me lose it. I am still so broken.

While there tonight, I found the receipt from our last meal. I saved that thing and I found the sweetest card that has shattered my heart yet again. He was so good and I miss that.

I have the best job. I love it but it doesn't give me true happiness. I have a great family and faith that carries me through but nothing could ever make the pain, the emptiness of losing Alex go away.

The inside of the card says, "All I want is to grow old with watch our life unfold, our dreams, one by one, come true. All I want is to love you forever." My heart ached because he never got all of the things he wanted.
« Last Edit: September 04, 2015, 12:19:07 AM by Alexswife »
There remaineth therefore a rest to the people of God.
 For he that is entered into his rest, he also hath ceased from his own works, as God did from his. - Hebrews 4:7-8
Alex 1/31/91-7/19/12


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Re: Making Plans
« Reply #1 on: September 02, 2015, 08:24:35 PM »
Ah, Alexswife.

My heart cries with yours.  You had such a beautiful love and it is so hard to grasp at the reality that Alex is really gone and you are left to live without him.

I understand that your wonderful job doesn't bring you happiness.  I tried to explain to someone recently that I hope my new career that I am working toward will bring me satisfaction.  But...that is not the same as happiness to me.  I was happy with John.  Our relationship brought me happiness. 

I hope some day to find a different what makes me amazing and intimate relationship.

I hope some day that your heart can find more satisfaction in life...and even real, true happiness.



Life is short.  Love with all you've got. 

Barry 11/29/55-9/22/09       John  1/16/57-1/11/14

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Re: Making Plans
« Reply #2 on: September 02, 2015, 10:28:57 PM »
((hugs)) I'm sorry. I love you with all of my heart.... That would make a really nice tattoo. :)

"Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened." Dr. Seuss


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Re: Making Plans
« Reply #3 on: September 02, 2015, 10:35:58 PM »
what a wonderful card , and just seeing their handwriting makes me miss them even more
thanks for sharing it
take care
My everything


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Re: Making Plans
« Reply #4 on: September 03, 2015, 08:51:22 PM »
I am with Maureen. My heart aches for you and all that you have lost. I hope that one, the pain lessens a bit for you, and that you won't always feel so broken. (((Hugs)))
"The highest tribute to the dead is not grief but gratitude." - Thornton Wilder

Thank you, my dearest Kenneth, for loving me and for giving me the best 13 years of my life.


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Re: Making Plans
« Reply #5 on: September 05, 2015, 07:32:05 AM »
I've been trying to think of the right thing to say, but don't know if I can. I hate that you are in this position. I hope your brother handles it with sensitivity. And I'm sorry for both you and Alex. I don't think readiness has that much to do with it. Who would be ready to watch someone close to them live the life they were supposed to live in the very place they were supposed to live it? It would be different if you were able to sell I think. I just hate this situation for you.
You are the Bear of my heart dear,
And nothing can take that away.


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Re: Making Plans
« Reply #6 on: September 05, 2015, 08:56:43 AM »
Tight hugs to you, AW. I'm sure this has been a hard decision to make. I'm hoping that in time making this decision will release you from the worry about what to do hanging over you. I can understand why your brother starting painting would hurt and make you feel angry. Making the decision can be hard enough. Once made, it can take a little while to fully get on board to begin action.

I had to leave our home. It was hard, but I want you to know that all the important things about living there with my T moved right along with me. The memories of our life there weren't contained within the walls of that house. They're all in my heart and I can visit with them anytime I want to. I know you are blessed with amazing memories of the time you had with Alex. I hope you can hold them close as you make this transition.

Sending you love and more hugs...
Without you, Baby, I'm not me.