Author Topic: Advice needed  (Read 1452 times)

still_lost

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Re: Advice needed
« Reply #15 on: January 04, 2017, 06:58:08 PM »
Exactly!

still_lost

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  • Posts: 73
Re: Advice needed
« Reply #16 on: January 04, 2017, 07:22:02 PM »
Exactly!

Sugarbell

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Re: Advice needed
« Reply #17 on: January 05, 2017, 05:13:35 AM »
Did you move 900 miles away from family to be with him?  I'm confused?? --I haven't been on here much lately so if you talked about it in another post maybe I missed it.

4 kids and a crazy ex???
B.W.H. 9/24/2007

still_lost

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Re: Advice needed
« Reply #18 on: January 05, 2017, 06:02:27 AM »
Oh no! I moved here over three years ago for a fresh start. I mentioned that only to say that I've built a life here, met some people, and I'm comfortable. We've only met a few months ago. He asked if one day I would move back up North so he can be closer to his children because his ex will be moving. That has nothing to do with me. I don't want to move me and my child around, and be at the mercy of his controlling and manipulative ex wife. What happens if she meets someone, remarries and wants to move again?
« Last Edit: January 05, 2017, 06:18:44 AM by still_lost »

Abitlost

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Re: Advice needed
« Reply #19 on: January 05, 2017, 11:58:17 AM »
SL,

I can't advise you on what to do but I will share my experience. I spent 4.5 years with a man who had a very dysfunctional, competitive, manipulative relationship with his ex and kids (as well as other aspects of his life). I thought I loved him and would put up with parts of it, but the relationship ended because I would not let his dysfunction affect my kids by cohabitating into his circus. Despite the pain of the relationship ending, I am so happy I stood by my resolve because it was not a lifestyle I wanted for myself or my kids. I came to realize I did not respect him or the way he conducted his life and was exceedingly relieved and exponentially better off without him. I finally saw that the games he played and/or succumbed to stemmed from deep character flaws within him.

I am now in a happy, healthy relationship with an emotionally-stable man who neither manipulates nor is manipulated by his ex and is fully vested in us. How refreshing!

abl

wecouldbeheros

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Re: Advice needed
« Reply #20 on: January 05, 2017, 02:51:33 PM »
Wow does ABL's post resonate w me too. It' sometimes hard to see the manipulation at first because they hide it well. They must take a course on manipulating because they at the same time throw guilt arrows. Making it cleverly look like our fault. This more so seemed a pattern with meeting someone online. It took a few misdirected texts to find out they were playing games with other people (at the same time). And the nicer of a person you (we) are, the harder it seems to confront the BS. I found out what I had a hunch about, but maybe because of loneliness or self worth problems, I was willing for a while, to oversee. Big mistake. We've been through hell and back, and we all deserve better. Guess there's no more "like" button, looked but it seems to have disappeared.
« Last Edit: January 05, 2017, 02:53:43 PM by wecouldbeheros »