Author Topic: Is he rushing things???  (Read 1217 times)

imissdow

  • Member
  • Posts: 234
Is he rushing things???
« on: January 07, 2017, 07:56:58 AM »
Last year I dated 2 different guys, I didn't get serious really with any of them although one could say the guys were serious about me.  First guy I dated for about 4 months I'm convinced our schedule issues are what made it last that long. We only had about 10-12 dates in 4 months. couldn't commit at all, had a hard time saying the word girl-friend although he told me he was looking for a serious LTR . I didn't really see things going any farther then it had so we parted ways.  Next guy I had known for about 3 years thru my job, we didn't work for the same company but saw each other 2-4 days a week and talked often. Dated him for 6 weeks. He told me on date 3 he planned on marrying me. I told him it was way to early to have that discussion. He waited a couple of weeks and started again and that was why we broke up. Took me untill the week of Christmas to convince him I was serious and I wasn't going to date him.  One of his co workers told me he could be a little obsessive after we started dating, I found that to be true ,should have asked him earlier.  I had a few dates with a couple of other guys that never amounted to anything. I had kind of decided i wasnt going to date untill my middle DD went off to school in the fall. It's her senior year and she's the same kid that has the most issues with me dating. However I had talked to a guy and had arranged a meet that he canceled with plenty of warning. He asked to reschedule I told him after Christmas, so I decided to keep my account open so that could happen and planed on deleting /hiding  after New Years.   So , another guy contacted me and he had several things I was looking for. So we met on Tuesday spent almost 3 hours talking, told me he wanted to take things slow He felt women we rushing things to much.  Agreed we would like to see each other again. Talked to him last night he has hidden his profile, told me I was the first gal he had met that made him want to.  I "meet" people well, most guys ask me on dates after, Second and 3rd dates are another matter.   I've been told that I'm not easily impressed, that I guard my heart, that I'm very deliberate in who I choose to allow in my life. I don't see any of those things as bad , however the people who told me this didn't mean them as complements.  So I'm slightly bothered by him hiding his profile. I'm certainly not ready to make any more of a commitment past, wanting to talk/have another date.  Maybe I'm over reacting, maybe I'm reading more into this then I should.  I don't know I feel like I need talked off the ledge.

Needytoo

  • Member
  • Posts: 393
Re: Is he rushing things???
« Reply #1 on: January 07, 2017, 08:12:20 AM »
I think it is way too soon to have any opinions on. Just allow yourself to get to know him. 

Wheelerswife

  • Member
  • Posts: 1069
  • Widowed x 2.
Re: Is he rushing things???
« Reply #2 on: January 07, 2017, 08:17:14 AM »
I think that some people can't or don't want to try talking to more than one person at a time.  Hiding his profile might mean he doesn't have to cope with having other contacts until he/you decide if you wish to continue talking/seeing each other.  Give him the benefit of the doubt while keeping your eyes and ears open?

Maureen
Life is short.  Love with all you've got. 

Barry 11/29/55-9/22/09       John  1/16/57-1/11/14

Empathy  Developer  Responsibility  Adaptability Connectedness

RobFTC

  • Member
  • Posts: 455
  • Lost Michelle to ovarian cancer 2010/11/07
    • Celtic Journeys radio show
Re: Is he rushing things???
« Reply #3 on: January 07, 2017, 03:56:11 PM »
A woman I dated last fall hid her profile after meeting me, saying she liked to focus on one person at a time.  I guess that's valid, but it meant I couldn't consult her profile before seeing her again.  I tend to want to keep my profile up until The Talk about us both taking them down happens.  If he's rushing, you'll know soon enough, I think guys do that a lot.

Take care,
Rob T
There was something fishy about the butler.  I think he was a Pisces, probably working for scale.

Mrskro

  • Member
  • Posts: 289
Re: Is he rushing things???
« Reply #4 on: January 07, 2017, 05:56:59 PM »
I feel like it's a damned if you do, damned if you don't kind of thing.   

You don't hide it and someone can think you aren't interested in them "enough", are just playing the field etc etc
You hide it and you're moving too fast, putting everything into one date. 

I wouldn't read to much into it and see how things progress.  I think you'll know if he's going to move too fast in person.

Good luck!

wecouldbeheros

  • Guest
Re: Is he rushing things???
« Reply #5 on: January 07, 2017, 11:17:31 PM »
Hiding a profile doesn't mean the other person isn't still corresponding with others. It just means their not telling us.
: /

Agree with the way too early explanation. It's too predictable at least hang out or go to a few places first.

wecouldbeheros

  • Guest
Re: Is he rushing things???
« Reply #6 on: January 07, 2017, 11:18:05 PM »
Oh sorry. Yes he's rushing things.

arneal

  • Member
  • Posts: 647
    • The Starving Activist
Re: Is he rushing things???
« Reply #7 on: January 08, 2017, 05:08:01 PM »
After I met NG, I kept my profile up for a while as did he. It's funny but a couple months in I realized I was the one with issues :) I was concerned that he might be contacting other people and I really liked him. In the end, I got hold of myself, realizing that only time would tell. I took my profile down for the reasons some have mentioned here -- I wanted to focus on the possibility of developing something with him and it was so much easier to not have to deal with getting contacts from others at that point. I told him I was doing it because we both had on our profiles that we were looking for LTR. I mentioned it casually and left it at that. He was good with it. Our work schedules make it difficult to connect face-to-face during the week but we text and are on social media together; we get together on weekends, pretty much every weekend since we met, which has been about seven months ago now. His birthday was about a month after we first met, so by then we'd gone on three dates or so; he adjusted his plans so we could spend that day together. We've spent Thanksgiving, Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, and New Year's Eve together ... it can happen :)
Andree'

Seek peace, and pursue it - Psalm 34:14b

SemperFidelis

  • Member
  • Posts: 222
Re: Is he rushing things???
« Reply #8 on: January 10, 2017, 01:00:49 PM »
I think hiding a profile can end up not meaning much other than ones ability to focus on multiple people. I'm a one at a time person..... So I hid mine completely after a few meet-ups with the latest guy. Doesn't mean I want to marry him tomorrow, just that I am focused on him right now. His is still up and active a few days ago. I don't really care. We haven't had a talk of exclusivity yet, and I am not worrying about it. It didn't occur to me til reading your post that I could be sending a strong message by hiding my profile.

On the other hand the dirtbag I dated for a year had hidden his profile after one date but was still fucking around with a zillion women online for our entire relationship. Meanwhile he had made sure early on that I was only talking to him......hmmmm lol

So as someone else mentioned, hiding the profile can also just mean he just doesn't want you to know he is still looking elsewhere

bdean38

  • Member
  • Posts: 23
Re: Is he rushing things???
« Reply #9 on: January 25, 2017, 11:33:37 AM »
I agree, give him the benefit of the doubt. Hang out with him, get to know him. It's too hard to assume anything without any reasoning behind it.

klim

  • Member
  • Posts: 422
Re: Is he rushing things???
« Reply #10 on: January 25, 2017, 06:42:07 PM »
I have a very enthusiastic fellow  that I'm seeing at the moment....stating that he knew the moment he saw me that I would make him happy ..closing down his account etc.

I  enjoyed meeting him and continue to having fun when we go out but...I'm not very decided and almost feel mean cuz I'm not responding to his complements and his professions of /luv/like, with as much enthusiasm. I've told him he has to give me time to figure things out......I think he maybe getting where I'm coming from now though, he's careful what he professes too me.
<a data-flickr-embed="true"  href="https://www.flickr.com/photos/76752159@N08/35633945020/in/dateposted-public/" title="68887863-ed45-49be-8091-d063d8095c3a_zps0693c059"><img src="https://farm5.staticflickr.com/4308/35633945020_f20f4231a2.jpg" width="300" height="225" alt="68887863-ed45-49be-8091-d063d8095c3a_zps0693c059"></a><script async src="//embedr.flickr.com/assets/client-code.js" charset="utf-8"></script>

imissdow

  • Member
  • Posts: 234
Re: Is he rushing things???
« Reply #11 on: January 26, 2017, 02:40:33 PM »
I laughed when I saw this come up again. 3 weeks later and this guy is now my boyfriend. Talk to him almost every night for a couple of hours.   He was smart. After he told me he was going to hide his profile we went on a few more dates and then he brought it up again. He might be more sure of this then I am (just guessing from a few comments) but he's giving me enough space and isn't in a rush for me to commit to anything more then seeing him again. As he said "I have some stuff to work on first " and he does.  This feels really different then anyone else. I'm more comfortable and relaxed with him then all the other guys I've dated.

klim

  • Member
  • Posts: 422
Re: Is he rushing things???
« Reply #12 on: January 26, 2017, 03:18:39 PM »
Imisswidow that's great...good luck :)
<a data-flickr-embed="true"  href="https://www.flickr.com/photos/76752159@N08/35633945020/in/dateposted-public/" title="68887863-ed45-49be-8091-d063d8095c3a_zps0693c059"><img src="https://farm5.staticflickr.com/4308/35633945020_f20f4231a2.jpg" width="300" height="225" alt="68887863-ed45-49be-8091-d063d8095c3a_zps0693c059"></a><script async src="//embedr.flickr.com/assets/client-code.js" charset="utf-8"></script>