Author Topic: What do I want , really really want? online dating related  (Read 2903 times)

klim

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What do I want , really really want? online dating related
« on: January 12, 2017, 09:32:35 PM »
What do I want , really really want?

ok does anybody else have trouble with this question .

 I've been out on 3 meet and greets this week

man #1 goodlooking pleasant , mellow ....said he'd do anything to make me happy, longterm responsible factory worker
man #2 rugged but goodlooking , amazing storyteller, lived on a boat last summer ,wants to sail in retirement, truck mechanic
man #3 tall goodlooking ( yes I found some tall ones) dutchman, entrepenuer,highly excitable take charge type guy...makes an awsome living.

Initial reactions.......was swept off my feet by #3, thought #2 was intriguing and #1 I thought was too much of a marshmallow..

but what do I want ....really what do I want .....I have no friggin clue....
.If I'm practical #1 could be dream...nice and stable, loving.
#2 could be an adventure I hadn't considered before....maybe I do want to sail.....but is that too crazy....is he too rough around the edges
#3 this guy is high energy..... could I keep up, would I want to

and I look on line and I see other possibilities.....someones got a hobby farm,one wants to open a bed and breakfast...all these sound like interesting fantasies....that could become reality.


Or do I just what to find exactly what I had and not reinvent my life?
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First Widow

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Re: What do I want , really really want? online dating related
« Reply #1 on: January 13, 2017, 05:12:02 AM »
Absolutely! I haven't gotten beyond the window-shopping phase of online dating yet, but I still ponder the same questions as I try to imagine anyone being a part of my future.  Most of the time I come to the conclusion that I need to reinvent my life first, and then I'll be ready to go beyond window-shopping.

Good luck to you.
"But slowly he stole my broken heart and put the pieces back together while I wasn’t looking…and I love him."

wecouldbeheros

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Re: What do I want , really really want? online dating related
« Reply #2 on: January 13, 2017, 06:06:52 AM »
Pick the one with the least amount of money, the one with no future goals, and you'll be happy the rest of your life.

RobFTC

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Re: What do I want , really really want? online dating related
« Reply #3 on: January 13, 2017, 08:00:45 AM »
Initial reactions.......was swept off my feet by #3, thought #2 was intriguing and #1 I thought was too much of a marshmallow..

#1 who said he'd do anything to make you happy is the one you should drop first, that's a red flag.  The other two might be worth some time.

Take care,
Rob T
There was something fishy about the butler.  I think he was a Pisces, probably working for scale.

Mrskro

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Re: What do I want , really really want? online dating related
« Reply #4 on: January 13, 2017, 08:18:31 AM »
Hey Klim;

First off congrats on the meet and greats.   I'm not sure I could muster up the energy to go on three in one week. Good for you!

I'm struggling with this too, I've taken down my profiles because frankly I just don't know what I want.  I'm not sure how to re-invent myself in my 40's or if I even want to.

It seemed so much easier in my 20's to look toward the future and make those 5 year, 10 year plans.   Now it's my least favorite question.  Where will you be in 5 years?  Part of my problem, I think, is if (and it's a big if) I meet someone new now, won't any of my plans change anyway, in order to adapt to what they want and need. 

trying2breathe

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Re: What do I want , really really want? online dating related
« Reply #5 on: January 13, 2017, 08:26:23 AM »
klim   I feel the same, have no clue what I want.   As long as there's nothing that's a dealbreaker for me, I'm giving it a chance to get to know several guys better.  And I'm finding that what's on the surface isn't always what's under the hood!  :D
Have I told you lately how much I love you?

StillWidowed

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Re: What do I want , really really want? online dating related
« Reply #6 on: January 13, 2017, 09:22:23 AM »
Whoa....it's only a meet and greet.  Slow down there a little. These guys may not even be around in a week.  Online dating has a way of working like that.

If you do end up dating one, two or all three, take your time and let the other person unfold.  It takes time to get to know someone and it may wind up that the weeding will take care of itself.

sojourner

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Re: What do I want , really really want? online dating related
« Reply #7 on: January 13, 2017, 10:20:32 AM »
Oh, oh, oh- send me the hobby farm guy!  (Kidding!  ;D)  LH and I had a little tiny acreage, and I loved it, but had to give it up after he died. I miss my old life.

I don't feel that a person necessarily needs to recreate oneself. My feeling is that I just need to finish getting back in touch with who I really am myself, after having been melded into a couple and being a mom for over a quarter of a century. (Boy, writing that sure makes me feel old, ha!) At 2 1/2 years out, I feel like I'm almost ready to think about dating.  However, some of my close family are going through serious health problems, and I don't think I have the energy to spare on dating, and to finish uncovering who I am now.

Oh, and I'm with eliminating guy #1. Promising to do anything to make you happy seems a tad much upon first meeting!  ???

Congrats on getting out there and meeting new people!

klim

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Re: What do I want , really really want? online dating related
« Reply #8 on: January 13, 2017, 12:15:39 PM »
oh totally agree relationships take time.... not jumping to any conclusions but you do have to decide after a meetngreet whether you want a second date.

I agree to meetn'greets very easily....there's a very minimal criteria to get that far(you never know)

....it's  getting to the second date, that is when I start my deeper thinking. All 3 wanted to see me again that is when I started with the "what do I want" pondering! I could say yes to all 3 but I don't have that type of abilities to entertain the thought of  dates with different guys ....and keep kids, work and friends also under control.
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imissdow

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Re: What do I want , really really want? online dating related
« Reply #9 on: January 13, 2017, 02:11:42 PM »
I did a meet the other day. Agreed that for the a meet the requirements are few. For me they need to have a job, and I need to feel that I will be safe and that I can actually talk to them.  I actually don't consider that even a date. The goal of a meet is to decide if you like each other enough to want to spend several hours with them. I will agree on up to 3 dates before I start figuring out if this is someone I can see myself with long term.  My criteria prior to that is is this a person I would like as a friend/ wold be comfortable having my kids around. Not that they meet my kids but rather are they the type I could.  I've found for me the first question is do I like them enough to see if we have common goals/ values and can enjoy enough to want to see each other more. After about 2 months I start asking myself if I can see a future with guy in question. Most guys don't make it to this point.
I also would lose guy #1.  Go on a date with 2&3, you might just find that you don't even need to think about it.
I've discovered that what I think I want doesn't necessarily translate into a good fit for me. It's more about personality then   What type of job they have or What  activities they enjoy.
« Last Edit: January 13, 2017, 02:14:31 PM by imissdow »

momtokam

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Re: What do I want , really really want? online dating related
« Reply #10 on: January 13, 2017, 04:37:56 PM »
At least you are getting to the meet stage better than I am! More about that on another post.

Sometimes I think it will depend on the person we are meeting.
Perhaps what you want will become more evident once you get to know someone more and start to like them more. I try to keep myself open to that. I am hoping the right connection and the right person will guide where my future will go.

If potential is there, see a few of them again and go from there!

I obviously am no expert here though. My track record has proven that! :-D
Maybe I'll take more guidance from you!

klim

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Re: What do I want , really really want? online dating related
« Reply #11 on: January 30, 2017, 06:38:50 PM »
Still confused what I want....

I'm seeing a guy that is into me...he is courting me ( to use an old fashioned term) or at least that's the way it feels.

I enjoy myself any time we go out.....I like the attention I like holding hands and the compliments. I'm intrigued with his life as he's in a business that I don't know alot about and find interesting.

I don't see any obvious redflags but right now  I'm not head over heels into him.....

Is okay to go with the flow and see what happens....

I've been upfront ever time he has professed his attraction for me I say I'm not there yet and he has to give me time.....
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oneoftwo

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Re: What do I want , really really want? online dating related
« Reply #12 on: January 30, 2017, 07:28:07 PM »
Pick the one with the least amount of money, the one with no future goals, and you'll be happy the rest of your life.

This is probably the best advice I've seen in a really long time- and it worked my first time, like a charm.
Really it did. We just relied on each other and it was great
« Last Edit: January 30, 2017, 07:29:40 PM by oneoftwo »

Mrskro

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Re: What do I want , really really want? online dating related
« Reply #13 on: January 30, 2017, 09:33:33 PM »
I don't think you need to be head over heels.   You've been honest and I see it as he's ok with that too.   Enjoy the ride !   My best relationships came out of going with the flow.   I didn't ever know it at the time but that's what they were.   


wecouldbeheros

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Re: What do I want , really really want? online dating related
« Reply #14 on: January 31, 2017, 12:00:20 AM »
Same here, 1of2. When I met my wife, she made 3x what I did. Later, after having two children, she gave up her job, to raise them. It meant me working 2 others. Although it had it's hardships, I wouldn't have traded it, for all the money in Fort Knox.
« Last Edit: January 31, 2017, 01:41:36 AM by wecouldbeheros »