Author Topic: At the hospital where he took his final breath.  (Read 582 times)

LeahRoot84

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  • Taking this life one day at a time...
At the hospital where he took his final breath.
« on: January 16, 2017, 10:58:02 AM »
I got to talk with my husband's primary care doctor and all I could do was break down and cry. I wish I could hold myself together. This is so hard. When does the pain ever end?! 10 months in and I feel like I'm losing my mind!!! I look at pictures of his face and it tears me down. My mind has registered that he is never coming back but my heart, it can't except it.

I just want this all to go away! I don't wanna do this anymore. I want my husband! He will be, all I ever want.
Leah

Wheelerswife

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Re: At the hospital where he took his final breath.
« Reply #1 on: January 16, 2017, 11:39:42 AM »
This is indeed very difficult.  It does take time, but that time scale can be very different for different people.  I'm sorry you are hurting so badly.  I have been through this twice, and each experience has been different for me.  So...even though I had lived this myself once, I still felt the deep, deep pain of the loss of my second husband and could not even reassure myself that things would get better.  Fortunately, I had widow friends already who supported me in my darkest hours. 

It has been three years since the loss of my second husband and I am getting my footing again.  At this point after the death of my first husband, I had been remarried for a year and a half.  See how different?

So...try not to be discouraged.  Sometimes, I think we need to feel our pain because that is our reality.  Still try to keep your eyes forward a bit, too, even though you don't really know what is out there.  Some day, the future will become more palpable...and you will have moments of hope and even happiness.

Hugs,

Maureen
Life is short.  Love with all you've got. 

Barry 11/29/55-9/22/09       John  1/16/57-1/11/14

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TooSoon

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Re: At the hospital where he took his final breath.
« Reply #2 on: January 16, 2017, 12:10:20 PM »
This may not be helpful but I want to say it anyway.  I was in rough shape at 10 months.  The realization that I couldn't outrun or out last grief hit me and it was time for me to let it wash over me and then face it head on.  It was excruciating and exhausting; I am still tired and it will have been 4 years in a few weeks.  I understand what you're feeling now.  I remember it acutely. 

But you're doing it and with every day you move forward.  With every day, you gain strength even if it doesn't feel that way (and I know it doesn't feel that way).  I kept my focus on making conscious choices.  Not every one of them turned out the way I hoped but I kept making conscious choices.  I also made mistakes and I tried to take them in stride and keep moving forward.  One foot in front of the other.  I promise you that while you can't see it right now, one day you will look back and marvel at your strength.  Keep talking and keep forging ahead. 

If you want an ear, I will listen.  Feel free to message me. 

beth_krkswidow

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Re: At the hospital where he took his final breath.
« Reply #3 on: January 16, 2017, 09:44:55 PM »
I got to talk with my husband's primary care doctor and all I could do was break down and cry. I wish I could hold myself together. This is so hard. When does the pain ever end?! 10 months in and I feel like I'm losing my mind!!! I look at pictures of his face and it tears me down. My mind has registered that he is never coming back but my heart, it can't except it.

I just want this all to go away! I don't wanna do this anymore. I want my husband! He will be, all I ever want.

Exactly.  WOrd for word.

Hugs. Just hugs
"Until my last breath, I loved you more than life itself." ~Kirk, in his envelope to be opened only upon his death.  And now I to you, My Love, until my last breath...

LeahRoot84

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  • Taking this life one day at a time...
Re: At the hospital where he took his final breath.
« Reply #4 on: January 17, 2017, 10:11:50 AM »
Thank you all of you for taking the time to type something out to me letting me know I am far from alone.

What a rollercoaster this whole thing has been.

I'm ready to get off of it!

Hugs to you all ❤
Leah