The Silence

[KrypticKat]

Living alone suddenly I'm so aware of the quiet. On the odd occasion if I've had a busy week I embrace it but a lot of the time it just makes me aware of the absence.

I turn on music or the tv just for the sound. I used to love quiet. Now it just makes me miss him. Who knew one man provided so much noise in my life.

[WifeLess]

KrypticKat,

My deceased wife and I never had children. And after her death I had no interest in turning on the TV, radio or any music whatsoever. So for more than a year, I spent virtually every evening completely alone in my home and in its total unrelenting silence. Although my life has changed greatly since then, while still in my first 6 months I posted:

I never hear:

A door slam, unless it is the wind;
Footsteps coming up the stairs, unless they are mine;
The garage door open, unless I push the button;
Plates and glasses clinking, unless I'm eating or drinking;
Water running, unless I turn the handle;
The washer or dryer rumbling, unless they hold my clothes;
One of our 3 vacuum cleaners whirring, since I haven't vacuumed in months;
My name being called, since dinner is ready;
My name being screeched, since I've done something stupid . . . again.

All those everyday sounds she used to make around the house, I don't hear anymore.
That beautiful background music for my life, now silent.

--- WifeLess

[Mizpah]

I felt that way too.  The stillness and emptiness, the silence.  Like Wifeless, I was not interested in music and TV, etc.  I'm nearly 6 years out, and I don't remember my exact feeling about it then, but - and this is strange - now, looking back, I actually feel nostalgic for that silence and stillness.  I feel like it gave me some kind of quiet in which to truly mourn.  As time went on, the hecticness of life (even without him) took over, the busy-ness, that forced me to be less reflective and less able to explore my thoughts and feelings.  I'm sure at the time it felt *anything but* comfortable or luxurious, but looking back, I do miss that period of stillness and reflection.  How strange. 

[Joey]

I turn on music or the tv just for the sound. I used to love quiet.

I'm now using a fan. The "white noise" seems to soothe the looming silence.

[Amor]

I do like the silence.  Alone where no one sees the tears.  Making is easier to hide the pain. 

[amandalgh]

The silence kills me.