Author Topic: His birthday today. Worse than Christmas  (Read 921 times)

beth_krkswidow

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His birthday today. Worse than Christmas
« on: January 16, 2017, 09:55:05 PM »
I didn't think it would be easy, but his birthday today was horrible.  BAd bad bad bad day. I can't stop crying.  Sat by his grave in the rain. Much worse than Christmas.  AS LeahRoot said in a recent post,  my brain knows he's not coming back but my heart can't accept that. I hate this, I hate this life without him and I hate everybody telling me how strong I am and how well I'm doing.
And it annoys me that 4 people called me to comfort me, knowing it would be a bad day.....but not one of them mentioned his name once. THey all called because it was his birthday, but no one said his name.
"Until my last breath, I loved you more than life itself." ~Kirk, in his envelope to be opened only upon his death.  And now I to you, My Love, until my last breath...

Wheelerswife

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Re: His birthday today. Worse than Christmas
« Reply #1 on: January 16, 2017, 10:41:45 PM »
Today is my second husband's birthday, too. I spent most of my day staring into space. I hope tomorrow will be a better day.
Life is short.  Love with all you've got. 

Barry 11/29/55-9/22/09       John  1/16/57-1/11/14

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LeahRoot84

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Re: His birthday today. Worse than Christmas
« Reply #2 on: January 17, 2017, 10:13:07 AM »
Sometimes life is so unfair with its curve balls it throws at us. You are never alone. Hugs!
Leah

mbanyard

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Re: His birthday today. Worse than Christmas
« Reply #3 on: January 22, 2017, 09:34:16 PM »
Not my DH birthday, but today is the 6th month mark, so I also had a tough day. I'm there with you ladies.
We either make ourselves miserable, or we make ourselves strong. The amount of work is the same....and I choose strong!

sojourner

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Re: His birthday today. Worse than Christmas
« Reply #4 on: January 23, 2017, 03:15:27 PM »
Hearing you. LH's birthday is Friday; third one since he died.

Neither myself nor my kids ever received any text, call, email, card or contact of any kind acknowledging any date at all (birthday, death day, anniversary of any kind, holidays without him) from anyone at all since he died. As a matter of fact, after traveling to see LH's family for our first Christmas after his death, one of his sisters' husband launched into a spiel about what a good year it had been!  :'(  It wasn't until I stood up and just blindly walked out of the room that he caught himself and lamely added that, well, we did lose a "family member." (But other than that, Mrs. Lincoln, how did you like the play?)

beth_krkswidow

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Re: His birthday today. Worse than Christmas
« Reply #5 on: January 24, 2017, 09:10:33 AM »
Wow, sojourner, that's terrible.  Unbelievable. At least my family cares.  My phone, which I hardly ever carry at work because, well, why?  He was the only one who called all the time.  I can go days and days with  no alerts on my phone.  But for some reason I had my phone in my pocket at work on his birthday and it vibrated.  It thought, What the?  Who the would be texting me now?  Well, it was my sister and the text just said, "sending love and special prayers today.".  So my family does care. I am so very thankful for that.  I am so sorry that your husband's family is.. was... wow.  I just can't put it into words.  ... 'a family member'.    :o >:(
hugs to all of you
"Until my last breath, I loved you more than life itself." ~Kirk, in his envelope to be opened only upon his death.  And now I to you, My Love, until my last breath...

sojourner

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Re: His birthday today. Worse than Christmas
« Reply #6 on: January 24, 2017, 01:36:10 PM »
Well, LH didn't think so much of some of his family, himself. Over our years together, on the occasions where something jerky would be said by one of them, his comment to me was always "Ignore them; they're assholes!"

But with a number of other friends & family, even a couple people in his family, I think there is some genuine caring. Just no idea if or what to say, so they stay silent. And not so long ago, I was oblivious myself -before I got schooled the hard way- and I likely said or did stuff myself that was inept. So, I generally try to be understanding. Except for crap like that Christmas fiasco!!! >:(

Sometimes I think if there isn't a greeting card for any particular anniversary or milestone, people just don't think it should be acknowledged or might be appreciated if it were. And I've never seen a card for a death anniversary, birthday after passing, sorry you couldn't stay in your house and had to move, etc.!! :P

Peace to you and to us all!

beth_krkswidow

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Re: His birthday today. Worse than Christmas
« Reply #7 on: January 24, 2017, 03:08:12 PM »
Hmmm.... greeting card companies should take note.  Pretty sure morbid humor would be quite lucrative.  I wanted to put a black balloon on my Honey's tombstone on his birthday,  but didn't find one. Cuz, you know it was NOT  a Happy Birthday.  People I told that to, thought I was horrible.
"Until my last breath, I loved you more than life itself." ~Kirk, in his envelope to be opened only upon his death.  And now I to you, My Love, until my last breath...

sojourner

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Re: His birthday today. Worse than Christmas
« Reply #8 on: January 24, 2017, 04:12:01 PM »
Some people might think it was morbid, but I adapted a black ornament with LH's name on it for my tree for his first Christmas gone. I did decide to put it on the back side of the tree to prevent anyone wanting to say anything judge-y about it, tho.

KrypticKat

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Re: His birthday today. Worse than Christmas
« Reply #9 on: February 06, 2017, 11:48:10 AM »

I think a lot of people struggle with widow humor. We just have a much clearer understanding of death and yeah it's dark. We spend so much time in pain if we don't laugh and let some of that energy out we might explode.


Hmmm.... greeting card companies should take note.  Pretty sure morbid humor would be quite lucrative.  I wanted to put a black balloon on my Honey's tombstone on his birthday,  but didn't find one. Cuz, you know it was NOT  a Happy Birthday.  People I told that to, thought I was horrible.