Author Topic: So...How Is Everything Else? ...?!?!##@$  (Read 986 times)

beth_krkswidow

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So...How Is Everything Else? ...?!?!##@$
« on: January 20, 2017, 04:51:23 PM »
Ran into an acquaintance today.  Just an acquaintance, not a friend ~ whom I hadn't seen in probably a year.  They did not know that I am a widow so I told them.  They offered condolences and then said, "So, how is everything else?"

Everything ELSE?!  There IS no everything else.  He is all-encompassing; or my grief is all-encompassing.  He is there every moment of the day, no matter what I am doing, He, or the Grief, I guess, hangs over me. The fact that he is dead is omnipresent; it permeates every membrane of my body and every molecule of my brain.  There is never a waking moment that his absence is not felt.  It colors EVERYTHING. 

It's exactly like the old "joke" Aside from that, Mrs. Lincoln, how did you enjoy the play?

People are just clueless, I guess.... Everything ELSE?  Oh, Everything ELSE is just GREAT!

Have I mentioned lately that I hate people? 
"Until my last breath, I loved you more than life itself." ~Kirk, in his envelope to be opened only upon his death.  And now I to you, My Love, until my last breath...

LeahRoot84

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Re: So...How Is Everything Else? ...?!?!##@$
« Reply #1 on: January 20, 2017, 10:05:37 PM »
People will never understand what it's like to no longer have their other half around until, it happens to them. I'm so sorry you got a question like that. I tend to get that as well or, people just don't talk to me because they don't know what to say. Either way, it hurts like hell!

Hugs to you!! Xx
Leah

Soryashusband

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Re: So...How Is Everything Else? ...?!?!##@$
« Reply #2 on: January 23, 2017, 03:40:32 AM »
About a month after my wife died I ran into a woman who I used to work with at the grocery store. When I told her what happened, she said "Well she had been sick for awhile anyways." And she ended the conversation by saying "I hope the rest of your summer goes better." People can suck sometimes.

beth_krkswidow

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Re: So...How Is Everything Else? ...?!?!##@$
« Reply #3 on: January 24, 2017, 09:14:15 AM »
About a month after my wife died I ran into a woman who I used to work with at the grocery store. When I told her what happened, she said "Well she had been sick for awhile anyways." And she ended the conversation by saying "I hope the rest of your summer goes better." People can suck sometimes.

Soryas, you're much more benevolent than I am ... I would take out the "can" and the "sometimes."
"Until my last breath, I loved you more than life itself." ~Kirk, in his envelope to be opened only upon his death.  And now I to you, My Love, until my last breath...

sojourner

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Re: So...How Is Everything Else? ...?!?!##@$
« Reply #4 on: January 24, 2017, 10:05:14 AM »
I hear ya- I've been flabbergasted more than once by folks expressing this kind of thing, both otherwise very kind people and generally oblivious ones. I agree- when your spouse dies, there IS nothing ELSE. There's nothing else that can hold a candle to the enormity of what has just happened, especially in the first days and months and even longer.

(However, if they *really* wanted to know about "everything else" going on, there was also being dumped off our insurance and scrambling to replace it, tons of paperwork, loneliness and unaccustomed, involuntary solitude, to name a few items, in addition to the shock and horror of seeing your spouse dead, even if they had been ill. :'( )

Adley

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Re: So...How Is Everything Else? ...?!?!##@$
« Reply #5 on: January 24, 2017, 10:52:27 AM »
Oh man I've had that one too. And early on lots of   'What are you gonna do?'  and   'Whats your typical day like?'. WTH? There is no way they really wanna know. . . . .
Here's to my pretty young wife     sleepin amongst the stars           now they say what's hers is mine but I know what's ours is ours

beth_krkswidow

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Re: So...How Is Everything Else? ...?!?!##@$
« Reply #6 on: January 27, 2017, 05:37:56 PM »
Yeah, and at New Year's everyone was saying, well I hope your new year is better.

Ummmm.... the worst possible has already happened.  The absolute worst.  Much much much worse than my own death, sooo.... It cannot BE a worse year.  So I guess it will be "better" but "better" doesn't mean much now.  It pretty much means breathing in and breathing out.
"Until my last breath, I loved you more than life itself." ~Kirk, in his envelope to be opened only upon his death.  And now I to you, My Love, until my last breath...

HCE

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Re: So...How Is Everything Else? ...?!?!##@$
« Reply #7 on: February 04, 2017, 07:25:45 PM »
Yeah, and at New Year's everyone was saying, well I hope your new year is better.

I got this as well, Beth. I've duly added it to the list of stupid shit well-meaning people say.

What you say is very true, and if we keep breathing 2017 will be something of an improvement. But from another perspective there's no way in the world 2017 can be 'better' than 2016. In 2016 I lost the love of my life, but for ten months of that year I had her with me and every night of those months I held her close. Nothing in 2017 can be better than that.
They lived and laughed and loved and left.

beth_krkswidow

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Re: So...How Is Everything Else? ...?!?!##@$
« Reply #8 on: February 05, 2017, 07:14:28 PM »
Oh, HCE...with tears running down my face, Yes, you are correct. I stand corrected.
"Until my last breath, I loved you more than life itself." ~Kirk, in his envelope to be opened only upon his death.  And now I to you, My Love, until my last breath...