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For those in budding relationships ...

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Hi, all!

I hope I am not out of line by starting this thread. Thanks to SunshineFL, I realized that a different space to share thoughts on budding relationships might be helpful :)

So, I suspect I am not alone here -- there is a relationship space that is between being single and desiring a connection and being in a fully committed situation. To give a bit of my own story, I met NG online and we hit it off; we have been seeing each other since May 2016. He and I talked about our past relationships and he shared that he tends to take things slowly now (as someone who's been widowed twice, I totally get it!). Our situation doesn't fit the 'new relationships - post photos' area since neither of us does much picture-taking. We each have pretty full work lives and spend some part of our weekends together unless out of town for work. Public affection a norm and we are sexually involved.

We are navigating this thing and there are occasionally strange hiccups, like my boy dog (a 3-year-old 80lb Black Malinois) nips at NG. It's like he is trying to be the house alpha. He's also still a big puppy, which gives NG a bit of anxiety (who wouldn't be anxious about a large dog acting wild?). Other than that, things are pretty good :)

So, what kinds of pitfalls and pinnacles do others find themselves experiencing as they are growing new relationships? What do you want? What do you not want? Funny stories? Questions? Warnings?

Thanks for sharing!

Almost 11 months.  1 hr 15 minutes away.   Manage every other weekend time, once during the week and sometimes with our kids on a weekend. Divorced dad with his schedule with kids.  My active 13 yr. son.  WE have activities to contend with that prevent us from getting together.  That is a drag.

Talking it all out.  Good.  Respectfully.  NG is retired Lt Col. and rugby player,  so super masculine.  Gives advice about son respectfully.  I can handle it but also disagree. So far, so good. 

WE just spent the weeknight together.  I pulled up the 36 questions to ask to "fall in love."  We are already open about loving each other, but this was a real intimacy activity.  I feel so much more connected and stable in the long term, which we talk about but seems so far away.  I knew a lot of his answers already, but still, it helped to do this. 45 minutes but we took 2 hours.  So, good conversation.  Also, verified to me it is much more than our physical relationship.  I am enjoying that part, but wondered if I really didn't have the depth in the relationship, but I do.  Good weekend.

I can talk about DH, and he tolerates it well.  Quoted some movie about a man dating a widow, which meant he really dated her and her late husband.  But he has said he hopes as the future goes, DH will e mentioned less and less.  I think so as new memories are made.  Did put away all pics in the bedroom at his request and only had a family one.  Living room okay due to son, also. 

No photos.  Not ready for that.  Don't know why.  Just not.

PS.  Sadiversary was Friday and tomorrow is funeral date, 5 year milestone.  I have managed it better than any other year.  Anticipation is the worst.  FB lots of stuff and family did too, and it was okay.  NG had heads up for it.

I suspect the LH/NG dynamic might be an area of careful navigation, tybec ... NG (while not a widower) and I shared our previous relationship stories fairly early. He wasn't freaked out by the fact that I'd been widowed twice, which is refreshing. He had an ugly situation with his ex-wife and I think I may have posted about that conversation here somewhere. He was so nervous to tell me what happened. He asked me to sit down one night (it used to be that we often stood in my kitchen when we talked. Don't know why). Trust me when I tell you I thought we were about to have the breakup before the relationship conversation! He was literally shaking and said that he had been worried about telling me and was so glad to have gotten it off his chest. I felt bad that it had concerned him so much. However, the good that came of it was that he feels very open to letting his hair down about everything, so to speak. I suppose we automatically react in certain ways because of how we've been treated in the past. I am a generally easy-going person and I don't think he was used to that. I don't know if he remembers, but some time ago, he said I was 'easy on the heart'. I thought I would melt when he said it.

NG told me I am "calming to his soul."  (swoon) 

Maybe funny, maybe not.  Get a glass of bourbon in him, and he spills his heart to me.   ;) Mr. Analytical stone cold sober.  Crunches numbers all day as MBA military contractor. Interesting stuff!

tybec -- I hear you! NG is a technician by day. He is very laid back but you can tell he analyzes and thinks a lot. I like that he lets his hair down with me :)


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