Author Topic: For those in budding relationships ...  (Read 23555 times)

arneal

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Re: For those in budding relationships ...
« Reply #45 on: February 19, 2017, 01:02:26 PM »
That sounds fabulous, daysofelijah! Yes, we had a good evening. It's funny -- I don't think of myself as particularly schedule-driven, except when traveling or planning meals :) If I say the meal will be ready by a certain time, I expect us to be at the table at that time. NG, not so much. I'm slowly coming to terms with that. Like last night I had planned dinner for 6pm; I can't remember what time he texted me but he wrote that he was finishing a bit of laundry and he would be here after. He didn't get here until about 7:30 and joked about the food being cold (like he was testing to see if I was angry) -- I was like, that's what microwaves are for :) It was okay because it gave me time to take a nap as well! But the thing was, I noticed he'd gotten a fresh haircut and all this sort of thing, like he was trying to look nice for me. In the end, it was a nice night of conversation, food, and a movie.
Andree'

Seek peace, and pursue it - Psalm 34:14b

Captains wife

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Re: For those in budding relationships ...
« Reply #46 on: February 19, 2017, 04:03:42 PM »
Mine was great too - the first time I really celebrated this holiday in 5-6 years. NG had lots of stuff planned. First he orchestrated a little plan with  my son such that my 5yr old gave me an orchid, teddy bear and a card. (It was so cute - my son came running into the room with each item seperately then also gave me a card he sighed himself). Then I was upstairs working out while NG was working from my house- and he called out that he had unf made a mess in my kitchen. So I came downstairs and my kitchen table had been cleared and there was an enormous bouquet of flowers in a vase in the middle of it, a helium heart balloon floating above it, cards with cute sayings scattered all over the table, a box of chocolates and 2 plates of scrumptious chocolate covered strawberries at either end as well as a very sweet card in the middle of it. It was gorgeous - and I felt so spoiled ! Then he made me one of my fav dinner from scratch (pasta bolognese) - stayed over. And we went for brunch the next day (took 1/2 day off work). Swoon...

tybec

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Re: For those in budding relationships ...
« Reply #47 on: February 19, 2017, 06:41:57 PM »
Yup, first Valentine's Day in 5 yrs. to have a lover's card  :-*  He couldn't come see me Tues., but did our Wed. night  and my DS was on a school trip.  Nice evening together.  Then we went to Bon Jovi Sat. night. Had plans since Oct.  Ate out and stayed in the city.  Fun!  Feel like a teenager! 


arneal

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Re: For those in budding relationships ...
« Reply #48 on: February 19, 2017, 06:44:32 PM »
Sounds fabulous, tybec!
Andree'

Seek peace, and pursue it - Psalm 34:14b

MrsDan

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Re: For those in budding relationships ...
« Reply #49 on: February 20, 2017, 07:50:48 AM »
Our Valentine's day was really nice too. We went out on Sunday and I brought his gift (a pair of cute socks and some chocolates and cookies). He asked why, and I said since I wouldn't see him on the actual day, since he usually works pretty late on Tuesdays. He said that he rearranged his schedule so that he could see me that day. He came over Tuesday night with the aforementioned gift, a rose, and a little something for DD as well.
You are the Bear of my heart dear,
And nothing can take that away.

arneal

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Re: For those in budding relationships ...
« Reply #50 on: February 24, 2017, 11:30:53 AM »
I saw a post over on one of the other socializing boards about changing social media relationship status. What do you all think about that? I go through my spells where I would love to do it, then I'm like, 'That's silly', then I imagine what it would be like to have that conversation just like the person who posted, then I imagine NG asking me about it ... sigh -- neurotic much? LOL. We sort of talk around the relationship conversation but real life speaks volumes to me. Whenever we go out, he holds my hand the whole time; I've never been with anyone who does that. LH was affectionate, but not like this. Neither of us have a big circle of local friends; I have a few people that I go to lunch with every now and again, but it's not like there's a bunch of family around for us to go to dinner with and announce 'Here's my bf' or 'Hey, meet my gf'. NG has shared that he and his ex dated for quite some time before making the big plunge and that turned out not so good so it doesn't surprise me that no labels have been placed. After all, we haven't even been together for a year yet. However, we're sneaking up on it (the end of May). How about you all?
Andree'

Seek peace, and pursue it - Psalm 34:14b

tybec

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Re: For those in budding relationships ...
« Reply #51 on: February 24, 2017, 01:16:56 PM »
Yes, I wonder about this, too, Arneal.  My NG posted Happy Valentine's Day to me Feb. 14, and then asked if it was okay later.  He is not into all that, but would allow the public FB if I want it.  It feels so teenager like, but part of me wants it and then my other part says it doesn't matter to anyone but us, so forget it. We haven't posted a pic and it is a year next week.  I hate pics of me and am getting used to a few selfies here and there.  I just know MY FRIENDS will blow it up.  And not sure the motivation as to why. A dear friend/widow lost her DH one month before me, car accident, too, in the state I live.  CRAZY.  Anyhoo, she has dated her guy 3 years and just posted relationship status in Jan. It was funny as they take pics all the time, vacation together, are seen together everywhere in my hometown.  She just said it was time.

My thing we have joked about is what to call each other.  I hate GF and BF.  We are in our 40s, have children.  Sounds juvenile to me.  He jokes to call me his "ole lady", and I am older than him.  I don't like it, though.  For others, fine, but not me.  I like beau, but his ex started calling their oldest son Bo when she moved him out of state.  So for him, it has a bad connotation.  He told me I could introduce him as my  "Lover" but that is tongue in cheek.  So, still no consensus. He calls me "Love." 

Here is a fun link I found and shared with him:  http://www.swimmingly.com/relationships/relationships-2/47-better-ways-to-refer-to-your-significant-other-than-boyfriend-or-girlfriend/

So, how do you introduce your new person?

« Last Edit: February 24, 2017, 01:22:08 PM by tybec »

MrsDan

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Re: For those in budding relationships ...
« Reply #52 on: February 24, 2017, 01:45:04 PM »
The first time N referred to him as my boyfriend, he sheepishly asked later that evening if it was okay. It's funny, because we had both told each other that we weren't seeing anyone else. I find the word silly at our age too but those are the only words in  common use so that's what we are. We were quiet on FB for a long time for reasons having nothing to do with widowhood. Now we don't need to be guarded so we're public and yeah people definitely reacted.
You are the Bear of my heart dear,
And nothing can take that away.

arneal

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Re: For those in budding relationships ...
« Reply #53 on: February 24, 2017, 01:47:40 PM »
Thanks for that, tybec :)
I sometimes say 'the person I am seeing' (ew) or 'boyfriend' (ew -- I am 48 and he is 52) when talking about NG. When I am writing generally, I use the term 'signif' (really hip, right? LOL). The one time we had a conversation was when one of his FB friends wanted to friend me. I asked him if it was okay for me to accept; after all, people can be so nosy. A specific: a few days after NG and I friended each other on social media, my aunt (who is my mother's brother's second wife ...) sent NG a friend request. It was his birthday weekend and we had stopped for a snack after a movie; he asked me if I knew who this person was and I replied that she was my aunt. I told him she was nosy and he could ignore the invite if he chose. We laughed and moved on. So, in like respect, I asked him about this person from his friend list who wanted to friend me. She is a friend of his dad's and he went on to say that she was probably friending me because she figured I was 'my girlfriend or who I am seeing or whatever' ... I had another one of his friends send me a request and I accepted without saying anything.

It's so junior high for sure!
Andree'

Seek peace, and pursue it - Psalm 34:14b

arneal

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Re: For those in budding relationships ...
« Reply #54 on: February 24, 2017, 01:50:36 PM »
Yes, MrsDan -- I think we both think about the social media blowup should we go there. However, we'll need to get to a point of what we call each other first ... but stranger things have happened! Only time will tell.
Andree'

Seek peace, and pursue it - Psalm 34:14b

daysofelijah

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Re: For those in budding relationships ...
« Reply #55 on: February 24, 2017, 02:20:26 PM »
I changed mine to "in a relationship" this summer and posted a pic of NG and me for my profile. I had a couple of unwanted advances from some guys I was "FB friends" with so that helped take care of that. Plus everyone was all over the moon happy for me. NG doesn't have a FB account anymore, so I'm glad of that. I have a love/hate with FB and all I usually use it for now is my genealogy and translation groups.

Only lately have I gotten more comfortable saying BF, and he will call me his GF more often. It still sounds a little weird.

And for nicknames he mostly calls me my name or babes, I didn't care for babes at first but its grown on me. I usually call him his name or love or sweetie.

DH and I always called each other honey and seldom by our names, so I've tried to stay away from that one.
« Last Edit: February 24, 2017, 02:22:02 PM by daysofelijah »
Amy, mom to four (14,13,9,5)

arneal

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Re: For those in budding relationships ...
« Reply #56 on: February 24, 2017, 04:30:55 PM »
That is something you've made me consider as well, daysofelijah -- LH and I had nicknames that sort of just happened; I am good at creating spur of the moment names and so was he. NG uses darling when he's being dramatic about something (like if we are pretending to be ritzy folks, throwing up our pinkies while we eat ribs or something ha!) or babe occasionally. I might slip in a 'hun' every now and again but tend to just start talking or call him by his name. When we text, we usually use each others name or just start with 'hey!'
Andree'

Seek peace, and pursue it - Psalm 34:14b

Trying

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Re: For those in budding relationships ...
« Reply #57 on: February 24, 2017, 07:06:43 PM »
While dating I never changed my FB status.  The first picture we posted of the 2 of us was very talked about and planned after all of the important people in my life knew I was in a serious relationship.  I'm not one to put many (or barely any) pictures of myself on FB so there haven't been many of us as a couple.  I did an announcement post when we got engaged and then finally changed my status.

The whole BF/GF title thing in our 40s was very weird to me but I'm comfortable with fiancé.  He would laugh at me whenever I introduced him before because I would stammer and then just use his name or not even introduce him because I'm socially awkward to begin with. 

You will forever be my always.

Abitlost

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Re: For those in budding relationships ...
« Reply #58 on: February 25, 2017, 12:19:13 PM »
To the original post, about the pinnacles and pitfalls…

I am so blissfully happy with my NG, we’ve thus far encountered no pitfalls  :) We communicate well and often, support each other, cherish each other, anticipate each other’s needs, and have deep respect for one another, not to mention exceptional romance and chemistry. The pace of the relationship has been mutually set, we have integrated our lives in a comfortable and natural way, and above all have full trust in each other.

The only thing we have ever disagreed on is the sleeping room temperature: I like it cold and he likes it warm. Our disagreement comes in that I want to warm up the room so that he is comfortable whereas he wants to cool the room so I am comfortable. We both want it the other person’s way - lol!

I could not be happier!!!!!!!!!!!!

abl

arneal

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Re: For those in budding relationships ...
« Reply #59 on: February 25, 2017, 05:12:22 PM »
Trying -- I totally relate to the socially awkward thing. After LH died, I decided it was time for me to make some health changes for myself; having been a caregiver for a while, I realized I had not been taking care of myself. I signed up for a challenge at a gym where my friend was a manager and made the initial goal. What was really the challenge was that we had to post on FB while we were in the challenge. I have never been a selfie person so that was horrifying for me! Plus, I hate photos of myself. Well, I have continued to go to the gym and have made some great acquaintances there. I haven't actually been this size since junior high, so that is quite an accomplishment for me. I have worked hard at the social awkward bit and am coming along. I practice conversations whilst home alone :) I also practice the sorts of things I plan to say to NG as well so I am ready for all sorts of discussions (we spend a lot of time talking). I appreciate your comment about not changing social media status ... that makes sense.

That is fabulous, Abitlost -- so glad to hear about your situation. I look forward to sharing something similar one day. I do my best just to keep cool and take it one day at a time :)
Andree'

Seek peace, and pursue it - Psalm 34:14b