Author Topic: For those in budding relationships ...  (Read 20531 times)

Abitlost

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Re: For those in budding relationships ...
« Reply #60 on: February 25, 2017, 06:54:50 PM »
Thank you, arneal. I spent a long time in the wrong relationship thinking nothing could be as good as it was with DH, so therefore a good-enough relationship was what I would have to settle for. I'm happy to report that was flawed thinking. Finally I'm with someone who deserves me as much as I him. My relationship with NG is of course different than my relationship with DH, but it is just as rewarding. It feels amazing :)

And there is nothing wrong with your keeping cool and taking it one day at a time approach!

arneal

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Re: For those in budding relationships ...
« Reply #61 on: February 25, 2017, 07:19:35 PM »
Agreed, Abitlost! We all deserve to love and be loved well. For some, this is something they've had before and it is difficult to move forward with someone new. For others, it's a completely new experience. No matter what, it will be different and there's nothing wrong with that. I am happy for you and hope you'll continue to share news of how it's going!

Yes, I think things are going well with NG; it's been just about nine months since we started seeing each other :)
Andree'

Seek peace, and pursue it - Psalm 34:14b

arneal

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Re: For those in budding relationships ...
« Reply #62 on: February 27, 2017, 11:18:46 AM »
Ha! How timely in light of our recent conversation -- just saw a post from a friend on Facebook: 'The sign of a healthy relationship is no sign of it on Facebook'  ;D
Confession: almost lost my cool today. NG had been traveling for work so we didn't get together for our usual Saturday; he came yesterday instead and left from my house to go to work. Sigh. Showered here, did a bit of work on his computer before leaving, coffee together, hugs and kisses goodbye with wishes for a good day and safe driving ... again, sigh.
Andree'

Seek peace, and pursue it - Psalm 34:14b

tybec

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Re: For those in budding relationships ...
« Reply #63 on: March 02, 2017, 08:55:45 AM »
One yr. this SATURDAY!  Going to a dance!  Wow!  How did we get  here?  Time marches on.


And we are talking about moving in together. My mother was assessed at the Personal Care/Memory Care last week and my brothers are on board to move her as there is a room and there are no guarantees for this a month or later.  So, NG is asking when I and son are moving and all.  There is so much to think about and I AM TERRIFIED but also HOPEFUL. We may have a LONG engagement due to his divorce sitaution and me just keeping my son's and mine nest egg safe from any possible legal ramifications from his ex.  IDK.  I never would have thought to be here, yet here I am..... But it is crazy wonderful!

trying2breathe

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Re: For those in budding relationships ...
« Reply #64 on: March 02, 2017, 11:23:17 AM »
Back with an update  ::)  I've yet to have the hard conversation with my guy, have enjoyed a few more weeks of dating without any physical stuff, other than a peck on the cheek.  It seemed that we were happily spending time together, dutching everything, companionship without the complication.  Huh.  Last night he told me he wants to move it to the next level, whatever that is. 

It's not fair to him, I realize.  I've loved the past few weeks, with him - gahh - why can't I do this?
« Last Edit: March 02, 2017, 11:26:28 AM by trying2breathe »
Have I told you lately how much I love you?

arneal

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Re: For those in budding relationships ...
« Reply #65 on: March 02, 2017, 02:28:55 PM »
tybec -- good for you! Yeah, the before-divorce thing. Totally get that. LH was separated when we met as was NG. LH and I lived together for some time prior to the divorce and we kept from co-mingling finances for just that reason. I think also he had an inkling that it would be easier to do so moving forward should I find myself alone. Like I have. Beyond my house, I have nothing of worth financially. LH was a musician with health issues. NG was upfront when we met that he was separated and working on a divorce; it was finalized in September. On the finance thing: I've been having car nightmares. Both my vehicles are not running but sitting in my driveway. I explained to NG why I can't just get rid of them (poor decisions, title loan taken on one to fund the family trip to my graduation when I finished my doctoral degree ages ago; and with a drop in my credit rating after my last F/T work contract ended in 2013, no one will give me a new car loan to ditch the other one I am paying on) and he said if he could, he'd buy me a car. How sweet!

trying2breathe -- if I might suggest, if you can avoid the 'It is not you, it is me' conversation? Maybe just coming out and telling him how you feel, that you are enjoying how things are, that you aren't closed completely to the idea of moving forward at some point (or are you?). Don't beat yourself up about not forging ahead. We all have to take our own pace with this thing. Personally, I was ready for a physical relationship after being with LH for eight years without sex (prostate cancer and surgery). I am grateful to LH for helping me find out more about my own desires and needs as the first husband certainly didn't give a hoot about it. It took a few months dating NG for me to figure out how much I wanted to be with him. Sigh. The story continues!
Andree'

Seek peace, and pursue it - Psalm 34:14b

arneal

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Re: For those in budding relationships ...
« Reply #66 on: March 05, 2017, 01:23:48 PM »
Hi all and happy Sunday!

Was filling out an online survey (it was about an extended warranty purchase experience and for a $250 Visa card -- can't hurt!) and got to the demographics question, which brought me back to the discussion here about changing social media status. Do you all tick the 'widowed' box when you fill things out? Have any of you switched to 'single'? If so, why and after how long? If not, why not?
Andree'

Seek peace, and pursue it - Psalm 34:14b

Bunny

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Re: For those in budding relationships ...
« Reply #67 on: March 05, 2017, 06:01:59 PM »
I always check widowed. To my thinking- single means you've never been married. If you've been married, then you're either widowed or divorced- until you get married again.
It is a fearful thing to love what Death can touch.

tybec

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Re: For those in budding relationships ...
« Reply #68 on: March 06, 2017, 09:49:07 AM »
On FB, I am hidden as far as my status.  Only I can see it.  Have decent security settings.  I did tell NG yesterday after going to church with him that I need to let people know I am a widow, my thing, my issue.    I told him, it is different than being a single mom never married or divorced.  I am not being negative about those statuses, but I am different. I told him I don't want folks to think my son had a dead beat dad or no dad.  My DH had NO DAD ever, and he dealt with that until we had our son.  It messed with him for years. 

I am Mrs. DH until I remarry.  Maybe old school.  But I am not in the category of never married or divorced. 

At the funeral, people brought lots of cards, of course, and one was labeled to Mrs. DH.  My MIL picked it up.  Now she never married, and she is MS.  Well, I am lucky she gave it to me.  It was an incredible letter a soldier brought to me, telling me she and her husband stopped at the accident site and administered CPR until the ambulance got there. Also, they were medics.  She wrote she prayed for my husband to let him know he was not alone and he was loved and God was with them all.  The letter was for me, Mrs.   We widows are different, not better, just different.

NG is divorced, but his wife abandoned him.  He has that to contend with, but not the same. He says he understands.

MrsDan

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Re: For those in budding relationships ...
« Reply #69 on: March 06, 2017, 10:55:08 AM »
Widowed. I'll always be widowed. I imagine if I ever remarry, I'll check both. 90% of the time it makes no difference at all and has nothing to do with whatever form you're filling out.
You are the Bear of my heart dear,
And nothing can take that away.

tybec

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Re: For those in budding relationships ...
« Reply #70 on: March 06, 2017, 01:30:24 PM »
I like her blog.  Most is pretty relatable to me.  One answer to the widow status.

http://www.onefitwidow.com/dear-widow-police-i-wont-revoke-my-card/

arneal

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Re: For those in budding relationships ...
« Reply #71 on: March 06, 2017, 02:01:18 PM »
Yes, tybec -- that is a great site. I had not read this post before but yeah, quite appropriate.

I think I wish there was some sort of in-between term. If not on a professional letter, I'll use no salutation or I'll use 'Ms.' as I've never felt much like a 'Mrs.' (that's my mom LOL), even when LH was alive. Otherwise, I avoid the whole thing and use 'Dr.' :)

It boils down to always being part of the club (boy, too much in the club after being widowed twice ... sigh) but wanting to get away from the sympathetic, pitying looks from people when they ask me if I'm married ...
Andree'

Seek peace, and pursue it - Psalm 34:14b

tybec

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Re: For those in budding relationships ...
« Reply #72 on: March 06, 2017, 07:16:55 PM »
Arneal, Had to laugh.  I never have been called Mrs. Dh.  But I relished the card with that on it, and now do.  I was trained we all are MS so as to not denote status.  I am in the south, so I am Miss to everyone no matter.  If you are DR., go with that.  I notice here, my female colleagues are often call Miss when they are Dr. and the males are called Dr., and sometimes are just Mr.  So, go with that the DR!  You earned it.

arneal

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Re: For those in budding relationships ...
« Reply #73 on: March 06, 2017, 07:24:27 PM »
tybec -- I used to say that I'd only make people I didn't like have to call me Dr.; the rest could use it if they liked :) I answer the phone with it when there's a telemarketer on the line! Ha!
Andree'

Seek peace, and pursue it - Psalm 34:14b

klim

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Re: For those in budding relationships ...
« Reply #74 on: March 06, 2017, 08:00:44 PM »
I choose Ms....and widow  on any forms.
i teach and students always call me Miss.....hey at least it makes me feel young.

I like that blog post way better then the one that referred to a "former widow " that was just weird.

Tybec that was nice to receive the card.....
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