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For those in budding relationships ...

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Time will tell Arneal.

Today is the day my husband passed and also the day my youngest son is finally grieving. Glad he is but hard to see. Broke down in tears in front of my class. All day NG said he was free all day, free until I called and then he was busy. Remember all those crazy widow feelings from the early days, they are back full force
Trying to keep all those crazy feelings in check.

Needytoo I'm sorry you're going through such an emotional day.  Witnessing my kids grief has been the hardest part of this whole ugly journey.  The thing that really tears at my heart is knowing that there is no longer another living person who cares as much about my kids as I do.  My new husband is supportive but he doesn't know them and love them the way I do, how could he? 

It sucks that NG wasn't there for you and I know it hurts. Sending you big widow hugs.

Oh, {{{hugs}}} Needy. It sounds like NG needs a talking-to. That, or (Lord help me) the angry side of me says to react similarly when he has a serious issue ... even if you are physically there, be distant. See how he likes it. That's horrid, isn't it?

Confession: I watch the cartoon 'Gumball' ... there was an episode once where the kids and the dad were playing tricks on each other and when the kids got the dad, he said 'It's only funny when it happens to someone else!' I think of that often in the context of how people react. They don't realize how they affect others, seeming to be shocked when those around them say that they are hurt or upset. When it happens to them, sometimes letting them feel it and then talking it out works.

However, when it doesn't, we are vindictive ... it's a hard call.

Needytoo, I'm sorry your NG wasn't there for you. Sending you hugs. I try to see things from their perspective too. Maybe he was just trying to give you space.

New territory for me tonight. My NG said I love you, but then he started backpedaling after my initial reaction. It was a long pause, but I did say it back sort of quietly. Honestly, I was processing. He said it as I was leaving, so we texted a bit when I got home. Then he called me. He basically said he was trying to tell me how much he adored me and it came out wrong. I think my reaction scared him. Then later this evening I cried in the shower. Why? I've only said I love you to one other man, my LH. It wasn't a sad cry, but more like a realization or a release. Another small step forward...


Yes Virgo that statement, those 3 little words can have quite and impact.I'm glad you are viewing it as a step forward.
Some say it so easily , it can mean, you make me happy or show appreciation or adoration. For others they reserve it for very poignant moments and say it very rarely.
In my first post widow relationship I said it one night when i was happy and feeling very secure and his response was  a very cautious warning that those were very powerful words and should be used very carefully. i was probably the one doing the back peddling then, saying i was just in a good mood and was enjoying being with him.That relationship  developed and lasted almost 3 years and I was careful about using those words. He did end up  saying he loved me and when he did, you knew he was sincere.
Fast forward to the relationship I'm in now and new NG was flinging those words around way too early. I kept telling him , you can't say that you don't even know me.He said it just means that I enjoy you. I did not reciprocate with "i love you" I said I enjoy you too....and told him I couldn't say it until it meant more. he still says it alot more then me, I think just because I don't use the phrase casually.


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