Author Topic: For those in budding relationships ...  (Read 22868 times)

arneal

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Re: For those in budding relationships ...
« Reply #315 on: August 10, 2017, 05:38:17 PM »
Take your time, friends. And while you do, feel free to take out a few of your NGs ready to recouple stem cells and inject them into my NG? LOL! I am joking. He is committed to the process and even though we haven't labeled anything, we are going at a good and steady pace. Heck, if he suddenly got all "I wanna move in together" I'd probably get freaked out!!! I wouldn't mind, but we haven't been around each other long enough to seriously consider what such a thing would mean as far as use of space, sharing of time, and so on. Yikes!
Andree'

Seek peace, and pursue it - Psalm 34:14b

Needytoo

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Re: For those in budding relationships ...
« Reply #316 on: August 15, 2017, 11:51:37 AM »
Never thought I would be posting on this thread but here I am!!

Four weeks have gone by with NG, and so far it has been amazing.  We just fit. 

Still, haven't told our children and I am in no hurry. The time we have together is our time. 

trying2breathe

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Re: For those in budding relationships ...
« Reply #317 on: August 15, 2017, 02:37:13 PM »
Welcome Needy  Glad that time with your NG is amazing, it's great to find a relationship that feels right!

arneal  Sending re-coupling vibes your way, pass them along to your NG.  And yes, be careful of what you wish for!

Had an overnight get-away with NG this past weekend, first one for us.  We stayed at a beachside hotel near the home of one of his cousins.   I got a chance to meet his sister, a few cousins and their spouses.  It worked out well - he has what I think of as a good family and I felt very comfortable with them.  Didn't sleep much at all though as it was the first time to spend the night together with him.  ::)   It felt weird to share a room, brush teeth, get into pajamas, etc. with him there - what is wrong with me?!  We have a road trip next week and another overnight, I'm hoping this next one goes a bit better.
« Last Edit: August 15, 2017, 02:43:26 PM by trying2breathe »
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jgib

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Re: For those in budding relationships ...
« Reply #318 on: August 15, 2017, 02:49:57 PM »
Needy and trying2 you give me hope......  :)

arneal

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Re: For those in budding relationships ...
« Reply #319 on: August 16, 2017, 01:20:52 PM »
Needytoo! So excited for you and your NG. I don't know how long it was before NG told his daughter that he was seeing me; I didn't get to meet her until the Christmas holiday last year, which was a good seven months or so in. I told my son that I was seeing someone but he hasn't met NG yet but that may come this weekend.

trying: The first time NG and I were in the same room, it was in my house, so some of the trepidation was taken away. However, I was concerned about taking it to the next level. I still have those moments where I am self-conscious and I am sure he is too. However, that first time was nearly a year ago now ... amazing how time flies ... because it was in early fall if I remember correctly. Now, it isn't even a thing. He and his daughter (who is an adult) share an apartment, so it is a rare thing for me to stay there (so far it's been I think twice times I've stayed at his place overnight) but he has spent several weekends at my house. Over the last couple of weeks we have had mid-week visits as well. He had a day off from work and came here to hang out; he took a nap while I finished a work meeting and then went home. I went there yesterday and we ate and watched movies, after which I went home. It's the development of a comfort level. I think some of your sent vibes got through, which I appreciate! Keep sending them as I expect to need them to get this meeting with my son to go well. My son has no filter so I am concerned about what may fall out of his mouth in conversation that will send me scurrying away in embarrassment. Also, NG is off from work for the rest of this week due to nerve pain; I am wondering if he will not want to make the ride. Will wait until probably early tomorrow to text him to ask as I need to make the arrangements with my son's caregiver about where we'll meet. More updates and hopefully good ones by the end of the weekend!

jgib -- it will come! Keep the faith and know we are rooting for you!

Best to all of us on this rollercoaster!
Andree'

Seek peace, and pursue it - Psalm 34:14b

arneal

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Re: For those in budding relationships ...
« Reply #320 on: August 18, 2017, 07:14:29 PM »
Hi all and welcome to another weekend :) So this week's junior high update ...

I got a message from NG on Tuesday that his doctor put him off work for the rest of the week because of a nerve injury. He's on some heavy duty meds to alleviate the discomfort. I offered to take some dinner round for him and his daughter; I figure she's back in the classroom (she is a teacher's aide if I'm not mistaken and working on her teaching certification) and he had been fussing about a messy house (as she doesn't clean enough of her dirty dishes and so on for his liking). I had some running around to do, spending time with friends who were driving cross-country to their new home and such. I also had to pick up my mobile from the shop because I had it in for repairs. In the process of getting mine back, I had to reset everything. When I got to his place, the contacts had not updated and I couldn't get access to his number. One trip to the leasing office at the complex later and I let him know I was there. We hang out for a while and I head out. Remember: this weekend was the possible meet up with my son. After seeing his condition, I'm figuring he isn't up for it. I give it until yesterday to send a text to ask. No response. I give it until noon-ish today to hit back again with 'Not sure if you are getting my messages after the phone issues the other day but I wanted to check on whether I should consider another weekend for the son meeting'. He texts back in a short while with an apology, mentioned the medications, and said another weekend would be better. I replied that I figured, particularly since he has to get off those meds to get back to work on Monday. Now to see what sort of messages if any come at all this weekend  :o I feel bad about it from all directions -- selfish because I want my son to meet him, compassion because I know what being on painkillers is like. Fortunately, it is due to be a warm and lovely weekend, so I have more than enough to do to keep myself entertained, whether I hear from him or not :)

Hope you all have a great one!
Andree'

Seek peace, and pursue it - Psalm 34:14b

trying2breathe

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Re: For those in budding relationships ...
« Reply #321 on: August 19, 2017, 08:40:54 AM »
arneal  Bad timing with your guy on meds, probably wouldn't make for the best meeting with your son anyway.  He's lucky to have your offer of dinner and support.  I love your attitude, you have plenty going on with or without your guy!  In our youth there was little downtime with ailments, aches & pains - so much different now, dating later in life. 

My weekend is busy, DD and I are packing in preparation for drop off at college this coming week.  :'(  DS will be with us for the trip, I'm thankful for the added help and support from him for the process.  My daughter starts her freshman year, she's ready to go and I'm ready to let go but no doubt it will be emotional.  On another note, I haven't seen NG much this week as I was away for a short trip and have been busy with family obligations.  Our relationship is feeling like a friendship more than anything, and I'm not willing to settle for this. It might be the transition of DD's school drop off that's keeping us separated emotionally, I'm not sure.  He tends to stay away when anything less than happy is going on.  I call him my Good-time Guy, always around for the good times but tends to disappear when things get tough.  I'll let the dust settle and re-assess, don't want to have a relationship talk that might change things with everything else that's going on right now.

Happy Weekend All ~
Have I told you lately how much I love you?

arneal

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Re: For those in budding relationships ...
« Reply #322 on: August 19, 2017, 09:15:15 AM »
Hey there trying2: congrats on having a freshman! I was so glad to get out of my folks' house at that age. I used to not understand those who got homesick.

I worked yesterday from 4 am until 11:30 pm. House stuff, errands, and end of course grading. I hope to finish up some housework after my volunteer today and then take a nap! Yeah, it was sucky timing. You gotta eat your Wheaties before dealing with my son LOL!

Yikes - I think all of my Jersey attitude would come out at your NG for shrinking back when things are a bit less sunny. This is real life and with what we have already been through, I know for me having somebody who can handle the truths of life (I hear Jack Nicholson's 'you can't handle the truth!' right there) is very important. Pray that it gets sorted and soon love.
Andree'

Seek peace, and pursue it - Psalm 34:14b

Needytoo

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Re: For those in budding relationships ...
« Reply #323 on: August 23, 2017, 05:52:49 AM »
Hope everything works out for both of you. 

Last week I tried to tell my sons about NG but my eldest (the one that you need to eat your Wheaties before addressing anything serious) didn't want to listen to me. So now I want to tell them separately and start with my youngest son who is a bit more reasonable. 

Last weekend met NG's sons. They are 13 & 10 and are special needs kids. All I saw was kids, NG was getting upset because they were acting up a bit.  I think he is so nervous that I will hit the hills but seriously all I saw were kids. I actually thought this was going to be a problem, being 50 I didn't want to deal with young kids unless they are grandkids but I really enjoyed meeting them.   

Met NG's Mom last night.  What an amazing woman 82 and she looks 62.  I really like her too. 

Just can't believe this is my life right now.

Trying

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Re: For those in budding relationships ...
« Reply #324 on: August 23, 2017, 07:56:06 AM »
Great update Needytoo!  Good luck with telling your sons about NG, I know all too well how stressful that can be!  I went through some tough times with my older 2 early in my relationship but they eventually came around.
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arneal

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Re: For those in budding relationships ...
« Reply #325 on: August 23, 2017, 11:53:56 AM »
Thanks for sharing, Needy. I am so excited for you as you meet more of your NG's important people. My two previous husbands and NG did not have their moms anymore by the time we met, which I do regret. Mine is still living and she met the husbands. She is back east but so is NGs sister; I often wonder if we'll do a major trip like that together. If we do and if I get to meet her, that would be a giant thing.

I warned NG that my son has no filter and will ask all sorts of things. He was okay with that but I am still nervous as all get-out about them meeting. I realized that I am probably more nervous because my son is a man now and he was just a little boy when he met LH. However, he was wary of LH because he was very protective of Mom. When I told him I was seeing someone, he was genuinely happy because he said he didn't want me to be by myself.
Andree'

Seek peace, and pursue it - Psalm 34:14b

trying2breathe

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Re: For those in budding relationships ...
« Reply #326 on: August 24, 2017, 09:56:28 PM »
Needy  So good that intros are going well, exciting time for you all!  It's funny how as parents we stress about our kids behavior and reactions and oftentimes things go better than we expected.

Back from a long week of travel, dropped off DD at college and she's happily settled and doing well so far.  NG flew to meet me in a city half-way home and we road tripped 2 days back together. He's a nice travel companion, we enjoyed sightseeing and stayed last night at a romantic bed & breakfast.   Something is missing though - I'm attracted to him but not feeling the spark of romance.  It's starting to feel like a friends with benefits relationship, not sure if I'm unrealistic in expectation of how a relationship is supposed to be but want more and am trying to figure out what that really means.  Maybe this is the best that it gets?  He's talking about celebrating our fall birthdays together and I'm sad thinking that far ahead about it.  I need to have a conversation with him and don't know how to start it.
Have I told you lately how much I love you?

arneal

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Re: For those in budding relationships ...
« Reply #327 on: August 25, 2017, 10:45:25 AM »
Something is missing though - I'm attracted to him but not feeling the spark of romance.  It's starting to feel like a friends with benefits relationship, not sure if I'm unrealistic in expectation of how a relationship is supposed to be but want more and am trying to figure out what that really means.  Maybe this is the best that it gets?  He's talking about celebrating our fall birthdays together and I'm sad thinking that far ahead about it.  I need to have a conversation with him and don't know how to start it.

trying2: what got me in your post is that you are sad thinking about celebrating your birthdays ... It seems like there is certainly something going on in your heart that needs sussing out. As far as romance is concerned, I would think that depends on how you define it. You mentioned that the two of you stayed at a 'romantic bed & breakfast' yet there seems no spark. What is 'romantic' for you? What is romantic for NG? I read somewhere that one way to draw closer to someone is to mirror what they do ... if for example  if you like to be held close when you kiss, hold him close. The idea is that eventually, you will find a place of sync and if you do to him what you like done, he will do it back. It's not foolproof but I would say there's something to it if just saying what you want seems not the way to go about it. I often find 'doing' works better than saying ... kind of like show and tell for grown folks  ??? But it all boils down to whether you want to share your romantic heart with him and only you can know that. Hugs, darlin!
Andree'

Seek peace, and pursue it - Psalm 34:14b

klim

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Re: For those in budding relationships ...
« Reply #328 on: August 25, 2017, 01:31:15 PM »
Trying2 I totally get you. I vacationed this summer with NG and it was very pleasant, and there was some intimacy but we're in my view we're just not connecting on all levels. In his view he just wants to be with me because he loves me. He says love conquers all. I disagree if there are incompatible issues, someone is going to have to change and really I'm not sure I want to change , or change him. I want a match that is more natural.
I'm struggling at the moment and yes it has to do with I don't think he's right for me but close) but i don't want to be alone and also because he is so in to me i don't know how to approach it........and I've been fluctuating back and forth for a while so who knows tomorrow I may feel different.

This is not easy.

arneal

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Re: For those in budding relationships ...
« Reply #329 on: August 25, 2017, 02:10:12 PM »
klim -- interesting points you make here. I guess I don't understand the 'connecting on all levels' or 'a match that is more natural' part of your post. I am quite literal in many ways so do forgive me: I don't see how people could possibly 'connect on all levels' because we are all different, with different ways of seeing the world. There will always be some level of incompatibility as even identical twins are not fully compatible ... such incompatibility could range from not agreeing on which way to hang the toilet paper roll, anger over the seat up or down, leaving dishes in the drainer or drying and putting away all the way to sexual wants/fantasies/willingness to try things to differences in final wishes. If the two of you were drawn to each other, isn't that something of a 'natural' match? It seems if NG is into you, that talking about the things you like and don't like should be easier to discuss?

However, getting a sense of the deal-breakers in my view comes pretty early, before intimacy. I guess on some of those things, I am very clear on what I am looking for. I remember one time before we were ever intimate, I told NG how I had regretted in some ways that I had not had a child when I was with my second husband. He said he didn't want more children and I clarified that I didn't either but that it was something that I had thought about when I was younger.

That said, I struggle with getting across that I would like our relationship to deepen because I feel, when I step back and look at the whole thing logically, I am rushing. I have taken small, bold steps though. Like when NG was here last Sunday -- as he was leaving, I told him I need cuddle time (we were at my curb and he had his bike running so I was talking loud to be heard, so saying I wanted ... you know ... would not have come across very well), which is something I would never say LOL. He said him too and that I probably could have stayed the night before (I try not to push that when his daughter is home though) but that we would have a stay the night soon. We have been more communicative than before, so I know things are moving.

I guess where you (klim and trying2) are looking to cool things down a bit maybe, I'm looking to turn the burner up :D

No, this isn't easy, any way you look at it. Let us keep pressing forward though to get what we need, want, and deserve!
Andree'

Seek peace, and pursue it - Psalm 34:14b