Author Topic: Has anyone else just wanted to join them?  (Read 1651 times)

JP

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Has anyone else just wanted to join them?
« on: January 22, 2017, 07:54:57 PM »
I mean the pain is just so bad, it's getting worse everyday. I have just been going through the motions of life right now, most of the time I just want to go be with him. I miss him. So. Fkn. Much.

beth_krkswidow

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Re: Has anyone else just wanted to join them?
« Reply #1 on: January 22, 2017, 08:04:51 PM »
Yup. Still do. 7 months and I  just want to be with him. As I've said in Grief Group,  "I won't drive off a cliff,  but if somebody wants to push me off, that's fine with me.

I know this doesn't help. BUt nothing helps.

Just know you're not alone.

Hugs to you
"Until my last breath, I loved you more than life itself." ~Kirk, in his envelope to be opened only upon his death.  And now I to you, My Love, until my last breath...

mbanyard

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Re: Has anyone else just wanted to join them?
« Reply #2 on: January 22, 2017, 09:19:10 PM »
I am at 6 months, today actually. I had another episode of just those feelings last week again. I think it's normal for where we are to feel like this occasionally, if you are feeling like this continually, please, PLEASE speak to your doctor about some assistance from a counsellor. (I did and it helped a great deal)

My thoughts are with you. Hang in there, you're not alone!
We either make ourselves miserable, or we make ourselves strong. The amount of work is the same....and I choose strong!

Jack

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Re: Has anyone else just wanted to join them?
« Reply #3 on: January 23, 2017, 03:41:26 PM »
All day everyday just want to go be with her

Wheelerswife

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  • Widowed x 2.
Re: Has anyone else just wanted to join them?
« Reply #4 on: January 23, 2017, 04:22:15 PM »
When I was diagnosed with a rare and aggressive cancer just weeks after my second husband died, I just wished it would take me out quickly.  It has not...and 3 years later, I'm seeing some light ahead.

I remember posting after my first husband died that I wanted to lay down on "my" side of our grave and just fall asleep and die.  Then, they would just have to dig a hole and role me in.

I think a lot of people have these feelings...not everyone, certainly, but I assure that they will likely pass as time goes on.  That has been the case for me...twice. 

Hugs,

Maureen
Life is short.  Love with all you've got. 

Barry 11/29/55-9/22/09       John  1/16/57-1/11/14

Empathy  Developer  Responsibility  Adaptability Connectedness

beth_krkswidow

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Re: Has anyone else just wanted to join them?
« Reply #5 on: January 23, 2017, 09:03:00 PM »
All day everyday just want to go be with her

Yup.
"Until my last breath, I loved you more than life itself." ~Kirk, in his envelope to be opened only upon his death.  And now I to you, My Love, until my last breath...

Laura1612

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Re: Has anyone else just wanted to join them?
« Reply #6 on: January 24, 2017, 10:55:37 PM »
Yup, been there.

I am just under three months out. I thought I had moved past those feelings, but over the last week the grief combined with real life has been so exhausting I have had the thoughts again. But now I know they can pass.

Hugs to you.

Laura
May the Force be with you.

amburroni

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Re: Has anyone else just wanted to join them?
« Reply #7 on: January 25, 2017, 02:25:16 PM »
Totally been there. I was never suicidal, but I kept hoping that I would get cancer myself, some terrible natural disaster would happen, or a nuclear bomb would come down and take me away from this earth. I still hope every time I get a headache or get sick that its more than it is. I'm 3 months out and feel so empty most of the time. I hope it gets better for you <3

TornApart

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Re: Has anyone else just wanted to join them?
« Reply #8 on: January 27, 2017, 06:30:46 AM »
Every single one of us, I suspect. The pain is beyond anything and you crave to be back with them. Anything to get them back and the pain to go away. But you learn to live with the new reality. I know that doesn't seem possible right now.
"When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight." Kahlil Gibran

piecesofapart

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Re: Has anyone else just wanted to join them?
« Reply #9 on: January 27, 2017, 04:56:49 PM »
Yep many times..not by doing it myself...but wishing it would just happen.

It's been 3 and a half years- and there are more better days now- that I have learned to live with it..
how? one breath at a time really...

I used to ask why me? and the answer I got so clearly was...so you help others who come after you.
Sadly- I've helped my childhood best friend one year after my husband passed and then my Brother-in law two years after when my sister passed.

So now I ask that I fulfill my purpose on earth and learn my life lessons so I too can one day enjoy eternity.

Wishing you better days...hugs...

iloveyoualways

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Re: Has anyone else just wanted to join them?
« Reply #10 on: January 29, 2017, 12:47:43 AM »
Hi JP, I'm sorry that you had join us. I'm almost six years out and I don't know how I made it. Yes, I wanted to join him for a very long time. A very long time! The psychological and physical pain was too much. (Un)fortunately the only thing that stopped me was our two year old son. If you feel like you have nothing to hold onto or nothing to keep you here just remember that it does get better. Just put one foot in front of the other every day. Don't focus on the long run. Focus on making it through one day at a time. The thought that I would have to live my life without him was unbareable. And who cares what everyone else says just do what you need to do to survive. I'm thinking if you.

born to run

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Re: Has anyone else just wanted to join them?
« Reply #11 on: January 30, 2017, 07:51:44 PM »
Absolutely.  My therapist, of course, probed into these thoughts when I commented that the oncoming truck didn't seem like such a bad idea... and I told her I don't have a specific PLAN, but it's all that I want, to be with him. 

That being said, I had a panic attack a few weeks ago and did actually realize that I don't actually want to die.  We will make it through and survive.  We have to...

SoVerySad

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Re: Has anyone else just wanted to join them?
« Reply #12 on: February 05, 2017, 09:48:20 PM »
I am sending each of you a tight hug. I remember that pain so well, and how I didn't think I could stand another minute. I just wanted to be back with him. Next month will be 4 years since he died. I am finally to a place where I can share that it has gotten lighter for me. I never thought it would. I still miss him, always will. But you do reach a lighter place where you start to look forward to what is coming vs dread it because your spouse can't be with you. I know that doesn't help lessen our pain any now, but I hope it will give you hope to hold onto. At your stage, I was just pushing through one day, sometimes one hour, at a time. It is excruciating.

More hugs...
Without you, Baby, I'm not me.

beth_krkswidow

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Re: Has anyone else just wanted to join them?
« Reply #13 on: February 07, 2017, 09:41:18 PM »
Totally been there. I was never suicidal, but I kept hoping that I would get cancer myself, some terrible natural disaster would happen, or a nuclear bomb would come down and take me away from this earth. I still hope every time I get a headache or get sick that its more than it is. I'm 3 months out and feel so empty most of the time. I hope it gets better for you <3

Exactly.  Exactly.  I can't believe anyone else thinks these exact things!
"Until my last breath, I loved you more than life itself." ~Kirk, in his envelope to be opened only upon his death.  And now I to you, My Love, until my last breath...

Anna

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Re: Has anyone else just wanted to join them?
« Reply #14 on: February 22, 2017, 01:22:40 AM »
My heart goes out to all of you.

Yes, been there too, all the time. I'm 2 months today. Everyday I think of that.. Craving and yearning to be with him. I feel so hollow inside, frozen in time, no happiness just raw pain and it's never ending. Where there is deep grief, there was great love. I just want to be with him, for us to be together again. This time, I don't fear death anymore. I am ready anytime it knocks on my door.

Sending hugs to everyone...

"As far as I can see, grief will never truly end. It may become softer over time, more gentle, and some days will feel sharp. But grief will last as long as love does -- forever. It's simply the way the absence of your loved one manifests in your heart. A deep longing, accompanied by the deepest love. Some days, the heavy fog may return, and the next day, it may recede, once again. It's all an ebb and flow, a constant dance of sorrow and joy, pain and sweet love." - Scribbles & Crumbs