Socializing > Widowbago Meetings

Young widows??

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Christopher:
Oklahoma here. Need a wife badly. 35 now, it's been 7 hard years.

I am now absolutely certain that a widower and single woman (not widowed) will never mix.

Lisa:
you  never know who will match who. but widowbagos are to get  together with other widowed people in  a safe environment. not for wife hunting. new widows often fear getting hit on at a bago. that is not in keeping with the purpose of bagos.
have you tried meetups or community activities or groups? church if appropriate for you? good luck.

Christopher:

--- Quote from: Lisa on August 28, 2017, 01:19:14 PM ---you  never know who will match who. but widowbagos are to get  together with other widowed people in  a safe environment. not for wife hunting. new widows often fear getting hit on at a bago. that is not in keeping with the purpose of bagos.
have you tried meetups or community activities or groups? church if appropriate for you? good luck.

--- End quote ---

A good man does not hit on a woman. He simply enjoys the company of others and if someone wants to ask, they ask. The purpose of being around others is to accompany them, no matter the cause.

I find that this intensely carnal society that I feel alien to is confusing so many as to cause prejudice and opinion where none belong. I am so tired of having to overcome their preconceived notions. It is no different than assuming that a widow(er) can immediately return to a normal life the very next day after losing a spouse. Assumptions are absolutely rotten.

Mizpah:

--- Quote from: Christopher on August 30, 2017, 11:04:54 PM ---A good man does not hit on a woman. He simply enjoys the company of others and if someone wants to ask, they ask.
--- End quote ---

See, that's hitting on, and there's nothing wrong with it - good men (and women) *do* do it, all the time. 

I also completely disagree that widowers can't be in happy, healthy, successful relationships with non-widows (and vice versa).  Many here have found just that. 

Simple point, though, that's really important for this community remaining what it is: this isn't a dating site, and widow get-togethers arranged here are not for the purpose of finding new mates or establishing new romantic relationships.  The world is full of actual and on-line forums for that.  What the world is NOT full of is safe places for young widows and widowers to find comfort and solidarity, to say whatever they need to say without worrying about the normal pressures and concerns of the outside world, including romantic complexities.

Christopher:

--- Quote from: Mizpah on August 31, 2017, 10:47:52 AM ---
--- Quote from: Christopher on August 30, 2017, 11:04:54 PM ---A good man does not hit on a woman. He simply enjoys the company of others and if someone wants to ask, they ask.
--- End quote ---

See, that's hitting on, and there's nothing wrong with it - good men (and women) *do* do it, all the time. 

I also completely disagree that widowers can't be in happy, healthy, successful relationships with non-widows (and vice versa).  Many here have found just that. 

Simple point, though, that's really important for this community remaining what it is: this isn't a dating site, and widow get-togethers arranged here are not for the purpose of finding new mates or establishing new romantic relationships.  The world is full of actual and on-line forums for that.  What the world is NOT full of is safe places for young widows and widowers to find comfort and solidarity, to say whatever they need to say without worrying about the normal pressures and concerns of the outside world, including romantic complexities.

--- End quote ---

My experiences and yours seem to be quite different.

Hitting on others happens to be actively seeking the attention for the explicit purpose of gaining an intimate relationship. There is entirely too much of this going on as the culture in America today has absolutely no inhibitions. I detest the fact that most today would rather have a quick lay than a lifetime relationship.

I never specifically said that it is impossible to mix the two. I lamented my frustration that due to my experiences I perceive that a widow(er) cannot seem to have any real success with a non-widowed eligible (not divorced) marriage partner.

As for simply talking to others in a common discourse - If that is hitting on people then I suppose I'd best just stop every form of communication. It sounds absurd but if you aren't spouting conjecture and have a point then I may just isolate completely.

This is a site where folks act like they want to reach out but really don't do much more than try to get through grief. This is not a dating site (duh) and saying that I am treating it like one is like me saying that you are some sort of law enforcement trying to honeypot me with this website. It simply is not true and has no bearing whatsoever on reality. I have not found a real community here. I have found a terrible mistake when looking for what I needed: Companionship and community.

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