Author Topic: 2/3/17  (Read 773 times)

TooSoon

  • Guest
2/3/17
« on: February 03, 2017, 09:00:04 AM »
Scott died four years ago today, even though the Scott we knew died weeks earlier when he lost consciousness.  I cannot believe it.  I remember when I thought four years sounded inconceivable.  I cannot believe everything that has happened in the last six years – alongside the trauma and grief, there have also been many moments of great joy, growth, laughter and love. 

I’m not sure what I want to say, really, but this morning Andy and his daughter were approved for their visas, meaning we can finally get married.  Of all of the days the US Embassy in London could have chosen for their final interview, they chose today.  February 3.  Oh the supreme irony of that coincidence.  We’ve been waiting so long for this process to be complete, so it is a joyful relief on a day that I reserve for memories and reflection.   

So while that is great news, the people I love are far away from me right now and that familiar feeling of loneliness from the early days is percolating just under the surface.  I’m just going to let it simmer there for the day and allow myself to feel and remember, something I fear I have not allowed myself to do in a healthy way in my efforts to move forward and live again.   

We will also probably relocate sometime soon.  So I found myself walking around the house and my yard, thinking about when we bought it just months before the diagnosis.  We had such grand plans!  None of which materialized.  But other memories have been made here.  It is long since time to walk away (many of you may remember my rants about this house); I know that.  But because I heeded the "don't make any big decisions" advice as if it was gospel, inevitably my attachment to this place is tied up in much more than just Scott now.  Leaving will be another loss of sorts.  A trade off like so many things seem to be in life now.  Life now is like a constant yin and yang between then and now. 

Thanks for listening and for being such a bulwark of support for M and me over these last four years.  While of course it would be better if none of us were here (how many sentences have we prefaced with that phrase or a similar qualification), your friendship means the world to me.  Sending love to all of you. 
« Last Edit: February 03, 2017, 09:04:43 AM by TooSoon »

Julester3

  • Member
  • Posts: 415
Re: 2/3/17
« Reply #1 on: February 03, 2017, 09:17:26 AM »
Hugs for you today!

Wheelerswife

  • Member
  • Posts: 1113
  • Widowed x 2.
Re: 2/3/17
« Reply #2 on: February 03, 2017, 10:35:16 AM »
XOXOXO

Maureen
Life is short.  Love with all you've got. 

Barry 11/29/55-9/22/09       John  1/16/57-1/11/14

Empathy  Developer  Responsibility  Adaptability Connectedness

Trying

  • Member
  • Posts: 1646
  • aka MissingmyTim
Re: 2/3/17
« Reply #3 on: February 03, 2017, 10:46:36 AM »
Sending you hugs today as you reflect on the past and look towards the future.  I think it's wonderful that you have a new happy event to celebrate on a day that has been associated with such sadness. Not sure your beliefs on these things but I feel like somethings can't be coincidence.
You will forever be my always.

BrokenHeart2

  • Member
  • Posts: 980
  • Widowed 2013
Re: 2/3/17
« Reply #4 on: February 03, 2017, 01:12:09 PM »
Big gentle hugs TS.
I don't want it to be his legacy that his death destroyed me.
I need to honour his life by rebuilding my life.

canadiangirl

  • Member
  • Posts: 438
Re: 2/3/17
« Reply #5 on: February 03, 2017, 06:05:51 PM »
Hugs and love back. Thinking of you today.

Needytoo

  • Member
  • Posts: 402
Re: 2/3/17
« Reply #6 on: February 04, 2017, 06:14:39 AM »
Hugs to you.

momtokam

  • Member
  • Posts: 554
  • Widowed September 2012
Re: 2/3/17
« Reply #7 on: February 04, 2017, 08:36:05 AM »
Big Hugs to you....