Author Topic: Cautiously tip-toeing into this sub-forum...  (Read 1345 times)

SoVerySad

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Cautiously tip-toeing into this sub-forum...
« on: February 05, 2017, 10:36:13 AM »
Those who have been here for a while might be surprised to see me here. I was sure I was never, ever going to be interested in another man or relationship. It has taken me quite a while to get to this point (my T will be gone 4 years next month), but I have my first date post-widowhood coming up on Tuesday. I am excited and nervous at the same time. My husband and I started dating when I was 16 and we were together for 30 years. So, I don't have much experience with dating, clearly. Although it is our first date, we have been texting/talking a lot daily for a couple of weeks now. It has been a complete surprise to both of us how comfortable we are talking to each other. I am enjoying it more than I can say.

Counseling has definitely helped me get to this place. I don't think I would be ready to have another relationship if not for the counseling. It has really helped me to accept that T is no longer able to be here, but I am still here and deserve to be happy again. It feels really good. We laugh so much. My daughter told me the other day that she heard me laughing on the phone and she hasn't heard me laugh like that since her dad died. She said it is really good to hear. Both kids are supportive, but it remains to be seen how they will react to actually see us together. They are 17 & 18. He also has a 16 year old daughter.

As we've been talking, I have noticed old pieces of me coming back. I thought they were totally gone, but not all are. I am always going to be a different person than I was before T died, but I'm finally hopeful I'll be happy again. I have no idea where this relationship may go and I'm actually comfortable with that. We're just going to see where it goes. I'm just enjoying it, trying not to overthink it as I often do.

The best part is I haven't felt any guilt. I haven't done any comparing between T and this man. It has taken me a long time to reach this point, but I'm glad I am here. I appreciate the support and encouragement from my friends here. I've always hoped to at some point be able to change my username. I may actually be able to.
Without you, Baby, I'm not me.

momtokam

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Re: Cautiously tip-toeing into this sub-forum...
« Reply #1 on: February 05, 2017, 10:59:33 AM »
It feels great to laugh like that again, doesn't it SVS?

I am smiling for you. 😊
You are a different person now, like we all are.

The only wisdom I can share is to enjoy, and go with the flow. You never know what will or won't happen. If it doesn't go as you hope, you have learned that you are capable of enjoying someone new in your life. 😊

Jess

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Re: Cautiously tip-toeing into this sub-forum...
« Reply #2 on: February 05, 2017, 11:29:47 AM »
I have the biggest smile on my face right now. I root for everyone here to find their smiles again ( not just for new relationships of course, it isn't for everyone), but there are a few that I really think about a lot and hope for it so strongly. SVS, you are one of those people I really, really root for so I am just so happy you have gotten to this place! No matter what happens with a possible relationship, I am so overjoyed you got to where you are now. Lots of love to you!
On particularly rough days when I'm sure I can't possibly endure, I like to remind myself that my track record for getting through bad days so far is 100% and that's pretty good. - Unknown

Don't be concerned about being disloyal to your pain by being joyous. - Hazrat Inayat Khan

Joe: 1979- 7/2014

Needytoo

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Re: Cautiously tip-toeing into this sub-forum...
« Reply #3 on: February 05, 2017, 02:56:33 PM »
Wonderful hearing from you.  Have a great time on your date.

SoVerySad

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Re: Cautiously tip-toeing into this sub-forum...
« Reply #4 on: February 05, 2017, 09:21:04 PM »
Thank you all. It is a good place to be. I have told people that for me it hasn't gotten better or easier really, it just has gotten lighter. Lighter both in less heavy and less dark. As it has gotten lighter, I've been able to finally get my feet under me again. I've also been able to let go of some of the mourning and embrace the good memories. With less mourning has come more room for good memories. I sill have days that hurt a lot. I imagine I always will.
Without you, Baby, I'm not me.

MR

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Re: Cautiously tip-toeing into this sub-forum...
« Reply #5 on: February 06, 2017, 01:23:22 PM »
Good luck

MrsDan

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Re: Cautiously tip-toeing into this sub-forum...
« Reply #6 on: February 06, 2017, 04:00:06 PM »
SVS I am glad you felt comfortable not only taking this step but also sharing it with us. Please keep us posted. You deserve to feel lightness, to experience laughter, true laughter again.
You are the Bear of my heart dear,
And nothing can take that away.

klim

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Re: Cautiously tip-toeing into this sub-forum...
« Reply #7 on: February 06, 2017, 07:07:13 PM »
Have fun ...wherever this may take you.
<a data-flickr-embed="true"  href="https://www.flickr.com/photos/76752159@N08/35633945020/in/dateposted-public/" title="68887863-ed45-49be-8091-d063d8095c3a_zps0693c059"><img src="https://farm5.staticflickr.com/4308/35633945020_f20f4231a2.jpg" width="300" height="225" alt="68887863-ed45-49be-8091-d063d8095c3a_zps0693c059"></a><script async src="//embedr.flickr.com/assets/client-code.js" charset="utf-8"></script>

rifatheroffour

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Re: Cautiously tip-toeing into this sub-forum...
« Reply #8 on: February 06, 2017, 08:50:52 PM »
SVS,

This is wonderful to hear about!  Enjoy and have fun in the moment.

RIFF
Those we love don't go away, they walk beside us everyday.
Unseen, unheard, but always near, still loved, still missed and very dear.

trying2breathe

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Re: Cautiously tip-toeing into this sub-forum...
« Reply #9 on: February 06, 2017, 09:00:14 PM »
SVS.  What a wonderful post - so good to see you here in this forum!  Wishing you fun and more laughter on your date!
Have I told you lately how much I love you?

Lmsmdm

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Re: Cautiously tip-toeing into this sub-forum...
« Reply #10 on: February 07, 2017, 09:31:52 PM »
You have one of the most beautiful smiles I have ever seen. So happy to hear is showing up more often. Soooo, you know me, how'd it go?
You hate me don't you? Yup, so much I married you twice! :)

SoVerySad

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Re: Cautiously tip-toeing into this sub-forum...
« Reply #11 on: February 08, 2017, 12:13:47 AM »
Thank you for the good wishes. Unfortunately, our date didn't happen today. He is very sick. I could hear over the past few days that a cough he had was getting worse. So I asked him to stay home and rest today and to consider getting it checked. He has pneumonia and spent the day getting iv antibiotics. So we will reschedule once he's feeling better. From all I've seen and heard so far, he is worth waiting for. I just hope he quickly recovers, so he is feeling better.
Without you, Baby, I'm not me.

Adley

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Re: Cautiously tip-toeing into this sub-forum...
« Reply #12 on: February 08, 2017, 12:51:56 AM »
It's just a thing, you two will have a great time! Tickled for you!
Here's to my pretty young wife     sleepin amongst the stars           now they say what's hers is mine but I know what's ours is ours

cathyr

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Re: Cautiously tip-toeing into this sub-forum...
« Reply #13 on: February 11, 2017, 08:23:02 PM »
Hope this nice guy is feeling better and we can soon hear of all about date.  How is he?  Hopefully recovering.

ihs3

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Re: Cautiously tip-toeing into this sub-forum...
« Reply #14 on: February 20, 2017, 01:23:44 PM »
Hi There SoVerySad,
Sorry to hear that your date was sick and you couldn't meet.  All that build up, and now you have to wait--but, I think that it is good you have been talking beforehand a good bit. I think that is better, though, you never really know if the chemistry will be there until you meet, and even then, it may not reveal itself at first few dates.
I have been navigating this dating scene on and off for the past year.  It's been 2 yr4mos since my DH's passing, and "dabbling" in the dating scene has been helping me in my healing journey. I had my first encounter being intimate with another man since Jim (DH), and it was sweet. However, it caused many days of processing and sadness, and I came to the conclusion that I wasn't ready to commit emotionally to a relationship or really don't have the time right now to pay attention to this. He wanted to go a lot faster than I was ready for. I realized that I finally got to a place of peace that was working for me, and that doesn't include an intense relationship right now. I am in my comfort zone, and know that I am still working on rebuilding me. Part of me is back, but part is forever changed.
I don't regret my encounter with this new man, but I did end it, and that is always awkward and not a feel good.  However, it was important and very helpful in turning a corner in this grief journey.  I guess what I am trying to convey, is go slow, don't let anyway push you beyond what you are capable of giving at the present moment.  You are in charge, and if he is worthy and has genuine feelings for you, he will understand. I wish you all the best in navigating this new world of dating.