Author Topic: Terrified......help please  (Read 687 times)

mbanyard

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Terrified......help please
« on: February 05, 2017, 09:28:21 PM »
Hi All,

So.....I did it...I joined a dating site at the 6 month mark.

Do I feel like I'm ready to not be alone any more? Yes
Do I feel like my DH would want me to try to move forward? Yes
Have  I met and chatted with somebody who I am interested enough to meet? Yes

So why am I having such a hard time in setting a meeting for a drink or a coffee? He knows the whole deal and has said that he is more than willing to take things at my pace...so why am I terrified of setting that first meeting?

Has this happened to any of you? Any advice for how I get the courage to make this step? (I have NEVER dated in my entire life - my DH and I were introduced, had dinner with other people, then we just were)

Thanks in advance for your wisdom, as I don't want to drive this guy away as he is pretty well exactly what I'm looking for in a partner.



We either make ourselves miserable, or we make ourselves strong. The amount of work is the same....and I choose strong!

klim

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Re: Terrified......help please
« Reply #1 on: February 05, 2017, 10:12:17 PM »
yes I can relate....advice make it smaller.... it is just one step....a step hopefully in the right direction bu simple enough to fix if you find you aren't as ready as you think,,,you just take one step back.

set the meeting,on the day of the meeting, think positive,make yourself feel confident and loved in whatever way works for you. For me it was nails done and I would wear a special necklace that dh gave me, a subtle reminder to myself that I was deeply loved and deserve that again.

And admittedly I think I drank a  small shot before I went,,,,realistically l think the effect was psychosomatic but I felt I gained bravado.
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mbanyard

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Re: Terrified......help please
« Reply #2 on: February 06, 2017, 03:20:23 PM »
LOL...thanks

This is excellent advice. I have set it and made it non committal sort of thing. (I live in Ottawa, so we have the largest Skating rink in the world...the Rideau Canal....so we're going skating)

It seems safe enough and really, this NG DOES KNOW the entire situation and has already said he's quite content to move at whatever speed makes me comfortable...so it is pretty safe and gentle as a first step.

I guess I'm freaked out because it IS a solid acknowledgement that my DH is never coming back and I need to move ahead.

Thanks for your insight,
MB

We either make ourselves miserable, or we make ourselves strong. The amount of work is the same....and I choose strong!

Captains wife

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Re: Terrified......help please
« Reply #3 on: February 06, 2017, 04:00:08 PM »
This must be a big transition...but I do have a few words of advice, as I have been out dating for a few years and wasn't married that long before widowed (and married at 39 -  so have a fair amount of online dating exposure). Agreed with taking one baby step at a time, it can be fun but also triggering of your loss (especially bad dates or if someone you think you like is quite different several dates in), don't over-analyze each date and the person early on (people are dating for different reasons, sometimes if there isn't a 2nd date it is nothing to do with you, finding a mutual match can take time), please be safe (call screen first but ask for their number and meet in public places early on), trust your instincts (if someone seems off or you see red flags be cautious of issues) - but most importantly, have fun with it ! See it as a chance to see who else is out there, make new connections/friendships and give yourself a chance to discover what kind of partner might be your next match (if that is what u r looking for). Wishing you all the best- good for you for taking the plunge and getting out there again! Have fun on your upcoming date! maybe treat yourself to a new outfit or piece of clothing or hair cut to "dress up" for the date. I always make extra effort to get ready for dates I think I really like : )
« Last Edit: February 06, 2017, 04:08:06 PM by Captains wife »

momtokam

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Re: Terrified......help please
« Reply #4 on: February 06, 2017, 06:51:21 PM »
I remember starting out in dating. I had no clue what to do. I wish someone gave me wise advice.

This is just a first meet. Until you actually meet, you really can't know he is exactly what you are looking for. Please don't get invested until you know more. There are a lot of good men out there and others not so good.

Take a deep breath, set up the meet,  somewhere safe and  public. Relax and enjoy yourself. If he is right for you,  you will get an idea. You can arrange to see each other again and go from there.

You can talk to others and meet them too. You do not need to commit to the 1st man you meet. It takes time to find the right one.

nonesuch

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Re: Terrified......help please
« Reply #5 on: February 06, 2017, 08:48:30 PM »
Every meet-and-greet is good practice for when you meet someone who may be right for you.  Each one will make you a little less nervous, and a little more like your best self.