Author Topic: Every milestone, ugly crying....  (Read 605 times)

tybec

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Every milestone, ugly crying....
« on: February 13, 2017, 09:39:01 AM »
My son was confirmed at church yesterday.  I was anxious but thought because my family had basically ditched me and my DS, which has happened in the last 5 yrs. since Dh died. 

My church of 22 yrs. is where I walked the Emmaus walk, did my testimony, was a Friend in Faith for 3 lovely now grown women.  My son was baptized there.  My DH's funeral was there.  I just started feeling okay in the 100 yr. old sanctuary this Christmas. 

Our youth pastor and his young family had their last day as well.  8 years and he and my DH were great friends and my DH worked with the kids for 16 yrs. and the youth lounge is dedicated in his name.

But it has been 5 yrs!

My son was last due to his name.  They laid hands on him to pray, and I just lost it.  Ugly crying.  I was so embarrassed for my 13 yr. old. I didn't see it coming.  I was a mess.

 And realized I could be like this at every milestone of his life.  His father should have been there.  He was there for so many other kids in that same place. 

Some days are hard, even joyful days.

Trying

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  • aka MissingmyTim
Re: Every milestone, ugly crying....
« Reply #1 on: February 13, 2017, 10:05:53 AM »
Big hugs Tybec.  Those milestones have a way of bringing me to my knees too.
You will forever be my always.

Mrskro

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Re: Every milestone, ugly crying....
« Reply #2 on: February 13, 2017, 11:02:17 AM »
Big hugs to you and your son!  And congrats on the Confirmation.   

The big milestones are so bittersweet now.   

Julester3

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Re: Every milestone, ugly crying....
« Reply #3 on: February 13, 2017, 11:52:39 AM »
Hugs for the emotional but celebratory day.

Tatianakm

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Re: Every milestone, ugly crying....
« Reply #4 on: February 13, 2017, 10:29:46 PM »
Joyful milestones are the most difficult to handle for me too. Tough situations and difficulties I can overcome,  but happy occasions while not having him by our side to share always culminate in tears. The whole day of my little girl's first birthday I just clenched my jaw and continued to smile and even laugh, but all i could think about was the evening after when i put her to bed, all guests left and i can be myself again, no pressure to perform.

A year since he died is approaching and i realize i am in for a long haul here with my grief. It's exhausting, cant imagine doing this for 5 years!

Hugs and solidarity, Tybec, thank you for sharing your experiences.
To the whole world you were one person; to me you were the whole world.

twin_mom

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Re: Every milestone, ugly crying....
« Reply #5 on: February 15, 2017, 10:01:28 AM »
Happy days suck, he should be here for them, would immerse himself fully in their successes...