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It's over now

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still_lost:
Thank you all for responding to my posts regarding my current situation. I mentioned bf's son who is causing a few problems between us. After thinking about the situation, and having a couple more incidents, I've decided to end the relationship. I've never disliked a child in my life, but his son puts me in a bad mood whenever I'm around him. At 15, he believes himself to be far superior to any adult. He will correct you, offer his opinion on things that he knows nothing about, or answer to you in a very condescending manner. A huge red flag for me was when bf said, " He's already smarter than his mother, and there's clearly an intellectual difference between him and certain friends, that's why he only has a few." So it's clear that bf condones his behavior, and his little "talks" with him aren't working. I don't care if he is "smarter" than his mother. He is still a child, and needs to respect her.

There's no way to separate the two, as his son is part of the package. I just find myself being irritated whenever I'm over their house. Bf will make him apologize when he's wrong, but soon after there will be another incident and I'm tired. This past weekend, I was visiting and decided to make a meal for all of us. He came in the kitchen while I was cooking. He was just kind of lingering, and when I had my back turned in the fridge, he was about to add seasoning of my food. That pissed me the f@#& off!! I told him I didn't need his help, and he could leave the kitchen. We all ate, everything was fine. A few hours later when it was time to leave, I said goodbye to him. He had to add his smart-ass comment, "I still added seasoning to your food" and I lost it. I told bf after I arrived home. He said he would deal with him, and tell him not to joke with me anymore. I calmly told him that we've had one too many issues with his child being disrespectful, and I'm not going to tolerate it anymore. Bf clearly doesn't see his son's behavior as a problem since he's only "being a boy" or he's just joking." Either way, I'm out!

tybec:
I am sorry you are going through this.  Blending families is no Brady Bunch for sure.  Hope your decision gives you some relief.  Sounds very trying. 

Who knew this widowhood stuff could land us in such circumstances we never dreamed of?  Hugs!

still_lost:
It is very difficult, as I'm learning. I admit that this is very new to me, and I wanted to make sure that I wasn't overreacting. Bf said that I can't expect everything to be perfect all the time, and there are going to be issues along the way. I get that. He says he disciplined him, and there will be no more problems, and I don't believe that. What will happen down the line is his son will begin to resent me because I'm always complaining to his dad, and he keeps getting in trouble. I'm not prepared to keep battling with anyone. My child isn't perfect, but he's not blatantly disrespectful to adults. When he's wrong, I correct him. Bf tried to guilt me, I guess, by saying that I'm wiling to throw away a relationship over a child, but it's much more to it than that.

Abitlost:
SL,

From your past posts, it sounds like this relationship is still quite new, just a couple months by now? For me, that seems quite early to be involving your kids. You and NG barely know each other, and having your kid and his teen --who are at vastly different developmental stages -- spend regular time together sounds like a recipe for failure.

From your description, the issues you have with his 15-year-old's behavior seem to me to be -- please don't take this wrong -- partially a matter of not having a teen yourself. You said your child is much younger (8?) and more respectful, more compliant, and better behaved which is typical behavior to that age; at that age, they are still trying to please their parent. Not so much when they become teens. Of course not all teens behave in manners that would be described as disrespectful, but certainly many do -- particularly to their parent. They are separating from their parent and despite the parent's best attempt, the teen often continues to act out and push buttons. The parent can not MAKE the teen behave in a certain way. Since you are with his parent in a new role to him, he is likely to behave in a similar -- or more pronounced -- fashion.

Teens sometimes suck. You can't expect the same parenting techniques that worked in childhood to be effective. It's easy to judge when it is your feelings being hurt, but perhaps an understanding of teen behavior would be beneficial. There are numerous books on the teen thing for a good reason...

abl

marian53:
Sorry, this boy has far more issues ging than just the teen thing. You did the right thing. That family is completely dysfunctional and you are better out of the relationship. You are a smart woman in putting yourself and your little guy first.
Marian

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