Author Topic: Did the Thread on whether to have a Dating Section Disappear?  (Read 6314 times)

maddalena

  • Member
  • Posts: 151
Re: Did the Thread on whether to have a Dating Section Disappear?
« Reply #15 on: March 23, 2015, 09:26:56 AM »
long before i was ready to think about another man, i started looking in the social threads.
  Never posted, but was curious. then i would leave it for a while.  I think a dating section might be used the same way.
A lot of us haven't dated for MOST of our lives. If people were actually flirting and seeking each other in this safe format, it would be good for some of us who aren't ready yet, but don't even know how to start to be able to go there without committing to a dating website!!

look2thesky

  • Guest
Re: Did the Thread on whether to have a Dating Section Disappear?
« Reply #16 on: March 23, 2015, 10:16:49 AM »
See previous.
« Last Edit: March 24, 2015, 11:55:36 AM by look2thesky »

anniegirl

  • Member
  • Posts: 322
Re: Did the Thread on whether to have a Dating Section Disappear?
« Reply #17 on: March 23, 2015, 10:35:18 AM »
Quote
I'd rather not have the option for someone to delete a thread where others have posted.  If someone wants to delete their own post, so be it.  I've just had 5 1/2 years of my own words eliminated and I don't want to see that happening here whenever someone decides they aren't happy with the direction that a thread moved.

I am with Maureen on this one.

It's one thing to delete your own words and something completely different to erase someone else's.

In this case a good, necessary conversation was being had about why a section for those in relationships is needed.

Both AC and mom66 make good points that beginning to date and being in a relationship are not the same type of "social".

But the comment about the potentially be a "so happy I'm in new relationship" section is what I was talking about in the deleted thread. People in new relationships and even remarried don't stop being widowed because partners and spouses are not interchangeable. Those people are still dead. Still mourned. There are still issues. And that can be hard to understand and hurtful for everyone.

Maybe the problem is that the original idea of a social section being a catch all for all things relationships is past its expiry date and it's time to divide it into proper categories. It started out that way on the old board as a way to move the sex talk out of the general section. And it continued to be one big un-comfy melting pot because the YWBB admin refused to acknowledge dating and re-mating in the hope that those people would simply shut up or go away (since they were "all better now" anyway).

So yes, I agree that there should be a section for people exploring the waters and there should be a section of those who've navigated to a place where they are working through the settling down again. Why not?

The only good reasons for "why not?" so far seems to be "because I like status quo" or something like that.
This is not the droid you are looking for.

look2thesky

  • Guest
Re: Did the Thread on whether to have a Dating Section Disappear?
« Reply #18 on: March 23, 2015, 10:45:37 AM »
I'm sure the general idea has not been abandoned.
The remove thread feature has been removed.
Again sorry if the deletion changed the topic, but it was being interpreted differently, and was only a general suggestion.
Passing on the topic now.
Nice day to all.

Kamcho

  • Guest
Re: Did the Thread on whether to have a Dating Section Disappear?
« Reply #19 on: March 23, 2015, 10:58:58 AM »
.
« Last Edit: June 04, 2015, 07:43:23 AM by Kamcho »

Baylee627

  • Member
  • Posts: 268
  • Widowed on 3/13/14
    • dawiddahood
Re: Did the Thread on whether to have a Dating Section Disappear?
« Reply #20 on: March 23, 2015, 11:16:17 AM »
Kamcho, I encourage you to please continue to contribute. You are valued probably more than you are aware of.

The option to delete was removed because if an entire thread disappears, along with it go the thoughts of anyone who posted on it. We all know how it felt to lose our posts from the ywbb. We don't want that here.

Also, mods and admin are watching closely, so if we see a thread derail, we will put the posters on notice and/or warn them, and lock the thread if necessary.

Don't forget if you see activities that make you uncomfortable, you have the option of reporting this to a mod. Nothing will stay out of hand for long, and it will be addressed and/or mitigated.

I hope you'll reconsider. I, for one, enjoy your posts.

Baylee
Though lovers be lost, love shall not, and death shall have no dominion--Dylan Thomas

maddalena

  • Member
  • Posts: 151
Re: Did the Thread on whether to have a Dating Section Disappear?
« Reply #21 on: March 23, 2015, 11:26:22 AM »
and Kamcho, on this board, we have moderators who are actually present, so if a thread gets highjacked, we have help!!

Kamcho

  • Guest
Re: Did the Thread on whether to have a Dating Section Disappear?
« Reply #22 on: March 23, 2015, 11:37:19 AM »
.
« Last Edit: June 04, 2015, 07:42:46 AM by Kamcho »

Baylee627

  • Member
  • Posts: 268
  • Widowed on 3/13/14
    • dawiddahood
Re: Did the Thread on whether to have a Dating Section Disappear?
« Reply #23 on: March 23, 2015, 12:01:46 PM »
I understand. I still hope you will reconsider. The admin and mods here do want to try and "protect" our wids as best we are able, and to try to ensure a safe environment.

Baylee
Though lovers be lost, love shall not, and death shall have no dominion--Dylan Thomas

look2thesky

  • Guest
Re: Did the Thread on whether to have a Dating Section Disappear?
« Reply #24 on: March 23, 2015, 12:54:26 PM »
See previous.
« Last Edit: March 24, 2015, 11:56:29 AM by look2thesky »

Baylee627

  • Member
  • Posts: 268
  • Widowed on 3/13/14
    • dawiddahood
Re: Did the Thread on whether to have a Dating Section Disappear?
« Reply #25 on: March 23, 2015, 01:21:28 PM »
Yes, it is heartfelt. And this board requires various admin and mods to offset how many forums and threads we have going on at any one time.

This is a board for widows, and inherent in that is painful circumstances, and so we have posters who need to express and vent raw emotions and feel safe to do so.

The ywbb was great, but the threads could really derail in a flash and run amuck and I personally know a few wids who got their feelings very hurt by some things that were permitted to occur. I remember being a new wid who was very intimidated when I saw the heated exchanges and insults that were hurled.

We do not want that to happen here.

Baylee





« Last Edit: March 23, 2015, 01:26:01 PM by Baylee627 »
Though lovers be lost, love shall not, and death shall have no dominion--Dylan Thomas

look2thesky

  • Guest
Re: Did the Thread on whether to have a Dating Section Disappear?
« Reply #26 on: March 23, 2015, 01:39:54 PM »
Understood, fully respected.



Carey

  • Member
  • Posts: 524
  • Widowed 11/23/13 Joined YWBB 12/2/13
Re: Did the Thread on whether to have a Dating Section Disappear?
« Reply #27 on: March 23, 2015, 01:47:50 PM »
for what it's worth, I truly believe there is not going to be "over moderation' here. I personally have a level of trust in the character of those who have constructed this inviting place.  And if I'm not mistaken, we CAN delete our OWN words ... which is only fair, just my thoughts. I don't look at as "big brother" so much as, being watched OVER.  I dunno, I feel like I'm not communicating my thoughts well.  I don't feel suppressed here; they are open to everyone's thoughts/expressions, as far as I have seen.
I can't look at the stars they make me wonder where you are. 
Stars.... up on heaven's boulevard
And if I know you at all
I know you've gone too far
 So I .... I can't look at the stars --Grace Potter

MrsDan

  • Member
  • Posts: 470
Re: Did the Thread on whether to have a Dating Section Disappear?
« Reply #28 on: March 23, 2015, 04:28:44 PM »
I see both sides. I definitely think we should be able to delete our own posts. I see what other people are saying about people losing what they contributed. I've seen that practice get out of hand on FB groups, often my admins trying to shape or manipulate the direction of the group. An example: a mother in a substance abuse group I belong too vented about how her mother says the loss of her spouse was worse than the poster's loss of her son. The group is primarily parents and more than one posted that you can always marry again, so the child loss is more painful. A bunch of widows called them out as being completely insensitive, that it's the same as telling them they can have another child. Was it hurtful to read. Well yes, but the fact is I know damn well most of the people in that group feel that way, and I appreciated widows having the chance to voice that no, a spouse isn't anymore replaceable than a child. I'm sure people who thoughtfully expressed themselves felt that way too. But no, the whole post was deleted. The original poster wasn't even really comparing, she was more venting about how self absorbed her mother was. Yes the insensitive bullshit was gone, but so were the very cogent counterpoints.

But I see Kam's view too. I don't mind heated threads really. It's when people say derogatory remarks about people's late spouses or express racist or intolerant views that I have a problem with. But there have been some responses to some of my threads that clearly come from a place of not having any idea of what it's like to love and lose someone to substance abuse. Someone actually referred to mine as a bad marriage. My husband has been characterized in a very negative light by people who didn't know him and his very complicated disease. And that's on me for starting threads to vent my anger, which I've later come to regret.  Can't say I'm sorry those negative characterizations are gone, nor my outburst of sheer rage at a man I love with all my heart. So, yeah like I said I see both sides.
You are the Bear of my heart dear,
And nothing can take that away.

mokie

  • Member
  • Posts: 137
Re: Did the Thread on whether to have a Dating Section Disappear?
« Reply #29 on: March 26, 2015, 09:22:26 PM »
I'm still not sure whether the question is to have a section for members here to "hook up" with each other (BAD idea, for many reasons... This is not a dating site) or for people to talk about dating and becoming part of a new couple (this section basically takes care of that already in its description:  "This board is for talking about friendships, dating, relationships, remarriage, and other topics related to social encounters.").

Many many couples have met through this board (well, YWBB) through fun social threads that moved to PM's, Bagos, the chat room, a serious thread where a particular viewpoint was eye-catching, or a combination of those (my husband and I are one of those many couples) but the purpose of our initial (or years of) postings weren't to find someone again.  Neither was it for any of the other couples I know from YWBB.  But sometimes the way someone expresses themselves catches your attention, and a deeper friendship evolves.

Making a separate section for finding a date here would definitely change the tone and purpose of this board.

To me, this social section covers it.  If a particular dating topic needs to be discussed, start a thread here, being specific in the title.  Seems to cover it to me.
When you get the choice to sit it out or dance... I hope you dance!