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Those dating divorcee with nutty ex

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Sugarbell:
This is new territory for me..

Last relationship he had been divorced 15 years..she had remarried and they had a civil decent relationship.

My new friend..divorce was final 2 years ago....and she's nuts. She moved to the city 30 miles away..but is in hometown staying at her Parents when she has her daughter. I went to high school with her...we are just acquaintances..she's been my FB friend for 6 years (along with 800 other people). I saw her ONCE in 25 years at a band festival. She clung onto me and sat with my daughter and I . NG was busy working concession stand all day to raise money for the band. (He was always the athlete but is a super Dad and the responsible parent)

So one of my sons friends was at the house when NG was there. He told me his Dad went out briefly with his ex...and that she was crazy.

Every person I have talked to says she's crazy (like has various men all over the country flying her to different places lots of sugar daddies and just really messed up partier). The daughter is a sweetheart. We get along great. She told her Dad she almost told her Mom he was seeing me but was afraid her Mom would freak out. Him and I have been low profile but feel we have nothing to hide and are going to start being more public. Neither one of us care if she tells her Mom she's going to find out eventually but it's totally between his daughter and her Mother.

I really like him. We've been spending lots of time together and actually want to start planning weekend trips for all of us (his kid and my kids). My kids adore him. This is way faster than my usual speed..but neither one of us want to see anyone else...we are in a small town (our hometown)--Lots of folks have been on him to start dating. He's very picky. When I moved here lots were on me to date. I'm picky.

But we click.

What's the right way to navigate a crazy ex who I already know...but don't want issues/drama with?

Portside:

--- Quote from: Sugarbell on March 09, 2017, 09:09:25 AM ---
What's the right way to navigate a crazy ex who I already know...but don't want issues/drama with?
--- End quote ---

Hey SB. Sorry to tell you - this can't be done.

Assuming for a moment that your NG's ex is crazy, then it's the 'crazy' part that excludes this future relationship with the ex as a potential drama free one. 

Your only hope is to keep interactions to a minimum with her.

But - if her craziness is limited to wild parting and slutty behavior and doesn't spill over onto you and NG, you may be able to simply ignore that. That's a big 'but' however. 

Good luck - Mike 

Captains wife:
Ah yes....First of all, this all sounds great re: between you and your new guy so I was happy to read this. I am in a somewhat similar situation (although I didn't know this person before) and its really unfamiliar territory. The divorcee I am dating has an ex who is really really difficult (I don't know about crazy yet) - she is very unpleasant to my guy and doing some things that I really think are very unpleasant in terms of behavior. My NG is awesome and we too get along so well (and he gets along really well with my son) - but this ex provides a black cloud hanging over things sometimes. Here is the tactic I have used so far - avoidance.....My son and I have been through so much I don't need any toxic like people in my life so I purposely keep away from her and that part of the equation. I know this is not sustainable forever but for now I have asked NG if it would be ok if I (and my son) don't attend events where she will be. This is what I need right now although I know it will have to change in the future. We do our own things with the kids and she isn't involved at all and there is no reason for our paths to cross. For your situation, this likely isn't possible but you and NG should just continue down the path you are going (she is going to have to deal), limit any interaction where you may run into each other and when you do see her, be cordial for the kids sake. All the best,

Sugarbell:
I've gotten pretty good at avoidance..our only face to face awkwardness will come from kids activities.

High school football games-We will both be there (well she occasionally shows up to watch her daughter)

Our daughters go to same dance teacher ...different classes (she's 15 my daughter is 9). But dance recitals, etc.

My oldest is one year behind his daughter. They know a lot of the same people. In fact a few girls in his grade have said "He's really nice..especially now that he's rid of Crazy -----"

This is the recurring them I've heard. And when I ran into her at the band festival this fall...she went on and on to me at how if she sees him with another women she will go nuts. (Even though she's been cheating on him since 2006..and has had dozens of men since divorce in 2014..she kept telling me she screwed up and want him back. This was the FIRST time I laid eyes on this woman since 1990! We did not hang out together since high school but she unloaded on me at this festival.

He's damn near perfect for me from what I know so far...but I really really don't want to deal with her hysteria. (-and yeah she's been hospitalized for mental issues..she's a train wreck).

Just hoping maybe my stand offish vibe will keep her away from me. She won't be mean or threatening but she's just nuts.

Sugarbell:
Or maybe when she finds out I should just clear the air and be upfront. So their isn't that tense awkward junk going on at public kids activities. P

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