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Those dating divorcee with nutty ex

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The crazy ex is not a fun situation to be in.  You can't control her or her reaction to your relationship, unfortunately.  It would probably be better if she finds out sooner rather later and NG should decide how best that should happen.

I have a crazy ex situation too but so far she saves her crazy for him and is polite to me in our very limited interactions.  This may change soon because of some concerning situations that may lead my guy to head back to family court.  We have no desire to take the kids away from her but she is not forthcoming about some serious things in her home that directly effect them.  Also now that we are living together he want to enforce the 50/50 custody and she is resistant (he has to be at work before the "before school" program starts so he couldn't have them overnight during the week when living alone and only has them 4 hours after school).

Keep your distance when possible, maintain your dignity and take the high road whenever you can.  If she freaks out and you don't let her see it getting to either of you she will hopefully burn out eventually.
Good luck, this guy sounds like he's worth it!

My boyfriend has a child with a crazy ex.  She presents an extra layer of complication, though, as she's not merely "crazy," but also highly malicious, vindictive, manipulative, and dedicated to efforts at hurting others emotionally, socially and legally (mostly my boyfriend and anyone associated with him) at any cost to anyone, including to their child at times.  A bit more than two years ago, I completely cut off contact with her and she's not allowed in our home (not even at pickup and dropoff) and I've blocked her number and FB.  (She used to issue death threats against my boyfriend's late fiancee, but she hasn't against me (yet).)  It's far too late for me and her (and always was going to be eventually really - the only thing she ever wanted to talk to me about, from the beginning, was how awful he is (though she tried to get back with him when his fiancee died, so...)). 

My advice: be pleasant and yet distant, and fade into the background as much as possible when things involve her, keeping him responsible for the (co-parenting) relationship.  Don't react if things get heated.  Don't let her or anything about her come between you two; take nothing she says or does to heart.  If I could do it over (and mind you I don't think I could have prevented her exploding the potential for a relationship between me and her, just by virtue of her personality/choices) but if I could do it over, I would make it very clear very early on that my focus with her should be only on pleasantries and (if you and NG get to this level), co-parenting issues like bedtimes, approaches to discipline/teaching, favorite foods, school stuff, and that's all. 

Good luck!

[Edited to add: new territory for me too and wow, what a shock to me, the way some people behave!  I thought this was merely the stuff of Jerry Springer!]

All great advice, I'd just like to add- take tiiiime. If she and the daughter are still in contact, then that influence is there to some degree. But if the daughter sees the 'crazy' and doesn't want to emulate, then it could be very positive. I rushed, and the crazy ex factor was just one of many that I overlooked. Take time, and I wish you the best!

Show her you are more crazy than her ;)

My non-relationship relationship consisted of him having a "crazy" ex.  He told me how she would make his life miserable, would fight with him all the time about everything, blah blah blah.  As he and the non-relationship relationship started to unfold, I came to realize he was the miserable one and no wonder she was constantly pissed at him.  She had her hands full!

So proceed cautiously....


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