Author Topic: Those dating divorcee with nutty ex  (Read 6136 times)

wecouldbeheros

  • Guest
Re: Those dating divorcee with nutty ex
« Reply #15 on: March 19, 2017, 11:30:02 PM »
Ignore her totally, believe it it is the best revenge.

Sugarbell

  • Member
  • Posts: 763
Re: Those dating divorcee with nutty ex
« Reply #16 on: March 24, 2017, 01:04:13 PM »
Yep. That's what I am doing.

And its a small town...my daughter had a spring musical at her school..The ex's sister was there watching her son. I got the glare the entire time. I ignored...and kept my nose in the air. Didn't even look her way.

I am just going to stay in my own little bubble. His daughter brought he an ice coffee last week and yesterday when I was subbing at the high school. -This isn't my problem, it's the crazy ex and how she interprets anything (and yes..they've been divorced for 2 years..it's not like I was the "other" woman or something good grief)--I am good with kids..I always have been. If his daughter likes me, well that's just the way I am. I am not doing it to impress new guy..or make ex mad. That's just how I have always been. Why  my house is always full of kids.

Whatever parenting insecurities she has with her relationship with her daughter...it has nothing to do with me. That's all on her. Things are great with NG..I am going to just leave crazy ex outta the equation for the time being. Not my problem...at least not yet anyway
B.W.H. 9/24/2007

Bear Shannon

  • Member
  • Posts: 148
Re: Those dating divorcee with nutty ex
« Reply #17 on: March 25, 2017, 07:34:47 PM »
Nothing much you can do about an ex when kids are involved short of shooting her.  ::)
Peace ~ Bear

Laurie RIP (Married 1980 .. Widowed 2005)

"Grief can destroy you -- or focus you. You can decide a relationship was all for nothing if it had to end in death, and you alone. OR you can realize that every moment of it had more meaning than you dared to recognize at the time, so much meaning it scared you, so you just lived, just took for granted the love and laughter of each day, and didn't allow yourself to consider the sacredness of it."
~ Odd Thomas (Dean Kootnz)

Trying

  • Member
  • Posts: 1607
  • aka MissingmyTim
Re: Those dating divorcee with nutty ex
« Reply #18 on: March 25, 2017, 07:42:35 PM »
I don't know if any of you listen to Dr Laura on the radio.  I love her even though I often don't agree with her and find myself yelling at her in the car.  She says there should never be serious dating or remarriage when kids are under 18, for divorced or widowed or never married.  I can totally see her point given my own situation but I know I am so grateful for my stepdad who help raise me and I hope my youngest and finances kids will feel the sam
You will forever be my always.

tybec

  • Member
  • Posts: 262
Re: Those dating divorcee with nutty ex
« Reply #19 on: March 26, 2017, 06:40:59 PM »
I listened to Dr. Laura moons ago.  Her rigidity is concerning.  Even the bible (I think she is Jewish), has arrangements for widows to be taken care of, al beit, not in this century, but still.  She would hold a single parent from any circumstances hostage to being alone to rear children?  Wow!  Blending families is difficult, but rearing children being single for whatever reason is very hard.  Strange advice of hers.  But she never lived it, right?

fairlanegirl

  • Member
  • Posts: 95
Re: Those dating divorcee with nutty ex
« Reply #20 on: March 26, 2017, 07:31:53 PM »
She says there should never be serious dating or remarriage when kids are under 18, for divorced or widowed or never married. 
Don't know who this lady is, but that is ridiculous. Sure, not a revolving door of partners, but if you find the right one? Five years into a new relationship, think I have anyway. I will be 60 when my youngest turns 18, afraid my maternal martyrdom does not stretch that far! A happier Mum must be a good thing, usually.

Trying

  • Member
  • Posts: 1607
  • aka MissingmyTim
Re: Those dating divorcee with nutty ex
« Reply #21 on: March 27, 2017, 06:28:21 AM »
Yes she is extremely rigid and spouts statistics about the high divorce rate for second marriages.  I know my youngest is benefiting from having a man around the house.  His 2 are young and don't have real memories of their parents being together so I think they are benefitting from seeing a healthy and loving relationship that will hopefully be a model for them.  I also know solo parents who are raising amazing kids on their own.  I wish all kids could grow up in an intact family with 2 loving parents but when that doesn't happen we have to do the best we can. 

You will forever be my always.

TooSoon

  • Guest
Re: Those dating divorcee with nutty ex
« Reply #22 on: March 27, 2017, 08:04:54 AM »
She says there should never be serious dating or remarriage when kids are under 18, for divorced or widowed or never married. 
Don't know who this lady is, but that is ridiculous. Sure, not a revolving door of partners, but if you find the right one? Five years into a new relationship, think I have anyway. I will be 60 when my youngest turns 18, afraid my maternal martyrdom does not stretch that far! A happier Mum must be a good thing, usually.

That is ludicrous (I am not a fan of Dr. Laura to begin with).  My daughter is now 10.  She has known Andy since she was 7.  He is going to be the father she knows in this life; she will not really remember her Dad (apart from vignette-like memories probably more from stories told and retold than actual memories) and photographs.  He loves her, and she him.  If something happens to me, he will raise her.  How this can be a bad thing is a mystery to me. 

mmg19

  • Member
  • Posts: 318
Re: Those dating divorcee with nutty ex
« Reply #23 on: March 27, 2017, 09:26:10 AM »
Agree with TooSoon.  Revolving door dating, relationships, involving kids in your personal life when you know it is going nowhere will most certainly not be good for the children.  There has been only one man in my life and in the life of my children since becoming a widow.  He is now their step-father and a father in every sense of the word. 

nextchapter

  • Member
  • Posts: 8
Re: Those dating divorcee with nutty ex
« Reply #24 on: March 27, 2017, 11:32:04 AM »
Agree with both statements above, but a little male perspective. you shouldn't latch on to somebody if they are the wrong person just because of the above statements. Slow down, and I think it is ok to have more than a few relationships so long as a bunch of different men are coming through the door 3 or 4 different ones in a year. Other wise several years from now you may find yourself stuck with the wrong person. Every body seems great when things are new.

fairlanegirl

  • Member
  • Posts: 95
Re: Those dating divorcee with nutty ex
« Reply #25 on: March 27, 2017, 01:46:40 PM »
Agree with both statements above, but a little male perspective. you shouldn't latch on to somebody if they are the wrong person just because of the above statements. Slow down, and I think it is ok to have more than a few relationships so long as a bunch of different men are coming through the door 3 or 4 different ones in a year. Other wise several years from now you may find yourself stuck with the wrong person. Every body seems great when things are new.
With all due respect don't think there is anything particularly male about your perspective there. Most of us, male and female, have been around the block enough at some stage to not stick with the wrong person, I suspect. The thing of course is that unless you have an amazing support system with family who will take the children frequently, your children will see everyone you are with - future or no future, and let's face it, most often you don't know which it is initially. The worry is children getting attached to people only for them to go. No shared custody etc of course so you can't keep your relationships separate. Some here do manage that very well and I take off my hat to you - I'd get too frustrated! I got lucky I guess, reconnected with someone from my past and it has worked, but even that is a risk of course. Plus there is the thing that in some cultures, thankfully not mine, a woman will be judged more harshly for having multiple relationships than a bloke, who may be seen as 'lonely' and needing sex etc whereas women are supposed to be entirely devoted to their children.

Forgottenwife

  • Member
  • Posts: 121
Re: Those dating divorcee with nutty ex
« Reply #26 on: March 27, 2017, 03:02:12 PM »
She says there should never be serious dating or remarriage when kids are under 18, for divorced or widowed or never married.

I will be forever grateful my mother did NOT listen to this silly advice as I had a step father who made my life, and the lives of my siblings and Mom, so much better with his love and generosity and amazing example of how to be a dad and a husband. I will defend my mother's decision to welcome him lovingly into our home.

Dr. Laura doesn't live in my house, and here she is giving advice on a situation she has never lived through. Widowed/Divorced parents second guess their parenting decisions all the time, and then people come along offering their opinions. Many, many people choose to recouple, many others don't. I'm certain none of us should feel guilt for finding love and companionship. I certainly wouldn't have wanted my parents to live the rest of my childhood without their new spouses and in my case, it was the best thing for everyone involved, including my parents.

arneal

  • Member
  • Posts: 647
    • The Starving Activist
Re: Those dating divorcee with nutty ex
« Reply #27 on: March 27, 2017, 05:44:29 PM »
My son was two weeks before his fourth birthday when his dad died suddenly. I am forever grateful to my LH (not my son's dad -- he was horrid. Sad he died like he did but that was not a good marriage -- but my second husband, who died last year) who was a FATHER to a little boy with special needs (autism) who needed that.
Andree'

Seek peace, and pursue it - Psalm 34:14b

Sugarbell

  • Member
  • Posts: 763
Re: Those dating divorcee with nutty ex
« Reply #28 on: March 28, 2017, 09:57:07 PM »
Agree with both statements above, but a little male perspective. you shouldn't latch on to somebody if they are the wrong person just because of the above statements. Slow down, and I think it is ok to have more than a few relationships so long as a bunch of different men are coming through the door 3 or 4 different ones in a year. Other wise several years from now you may find yourself stuck with the wrong person. Every body seems great when things are new.
With all due respect don't think there is anything particularly male about your perspective there. Most of us, male and female, have been around the block enough at some stage to not stick with the wrong person, I suspect. The thing of course is that unless you have an amazing support system with family who will take the children frequently, your children will see everyone you are with - future or no future, and let's face it, most often you don't know which it is initially. The worry is children getting attached to people only for them to go. No shared custody etc of course so you can't keep your relationships separate. Some here do manage that very well and I take off my hat to you - I'd get too frustrated! I got lucky I guess, reconnected with someone from my past and it has worked, but even that is a risk of course. Plus there is the thing that in some cultures, thankfully not mine, a woman will be judged more harshly for having multiple relationships than a bloke, who may be seen as 'lonely' and needing sex etc whereas women are supposed to be entirely devoted to their children.

Yes this.

I've been doing this widow Thing for over 9 years.

Haven't had a revolving door of men...especially in the past 5 years...but certainly made some mistakes.

My kids are (and have been for several years) some of the most well adjusted well rounded kids you will ever meet. Sometimes we need to cut ourselves some slack.
B.W.H. 9/24/2007

Sugarbell

  • Member
  • Posts: 763
Re: Those dating divorcee with nutty ex
« Reply #29 on: April 03, 2017, 07:37:11 AM »
His daughter just returned home from a week long trip to Disney with the high school marching band.

She bought my 9 year old daughter a little Harry Potter souvenir. With her own money..total surprise to me (and her Dad) but she said she wanted to cause my daughter loves Harry Potter books.

Her Mom found it in her suitcase..started grilling her about who it was for...daughter told her she went nuts. Daughter called her Dad crying..he calmed her down..He was here is the only reason I know..he didn't want me really knowing all the craziness.

She didn't buy it for me...it was for a 9 year old kid...yet Momma goes off on her to the point she calls crying.

This is the kind of nutso stuff I am talking about. Again..I am fading in the background saying nothing but good grief.
B.W.H. 9/24/2007