Author Topic: Those dating divorcee with nutty ex  (Read 7417 times)

arneal

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Re: Those dating divorcee with nutty ex
« Reply #30 on: April 04, 2017, 01:51:24 PM »
Sugarbell -- unfortunately, what you just described happens more frequently than you know ...
Andree'

Seek peace, and pursue it - Psalm 34:14b

Mizpah

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Re: Those dating divorcee with nutty ex
« Reply #31 on: April 04, 2017, 02:22:07 PM »
It's unfortunate.  My boyfriend's kid's mom does things like tell their son that my daughter isn't his "real" sister (they're half siblings).  If she's mad at my boyfriend, she will wrench him away at pickup, and refuse to allow him to hug his dad/my boyfriend.  She causes scenes at nearly every pickup and dropoff, screaming in our driveway about whatever is making her angry about my boyfriend's existence that given day.  Can you imagine living like that?  It's not good for ANYONE.  Terrible.  I don't get it.  I get the FEELINGS - the hurt or jealousy or anger or resentment or WHATEVER - but not the chosen expression of those feelings.  Yuck.  I don't mean this politically, so please no politics, but, "when they go low, we go high."
widowed 2011 (DH 28)

Sugarbell

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Re: Those dating divorcee with nutty ex
« Reply #32 on: April 05, 2017, 09:32:14 PM »
Good advice...I'm taking the high road.

It does make it awkward for me, because the daughter and I get along so well and do have a lot in common (it's easy for me to talk marching band and dance class because I took from her and my daughters instructor as a kid and same with band). She wants a female adult role model-her Dad has told me that she's over the moon that we are dating. I don't want to overstep-and make life rough on the daughter....but I am also just being me.

Like if Mom wasn't crazy...I wouldn't think twice of making her a little Easter basket. I still give little ones to all 3 kids and I bought extra girl stuff today for her if I make her one.

Then I thought "Oh shit her Mom might go nuts and she's the one who will have to hear about it not me"(It's just little Dollar Tree stuff nothing at all fancy/expensive-it's just what I always do and wanted her to have one too.

Sigh.
B.W.H. 9/24/2007

Trying

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Re: Those dating divorcee with nutty ex
« Reply #33 on: April 06, 2017, 06:45:20 AM »
It's a tough line to walk and awful to have to overthink giving a girl a thoughtful little gift.  I say just be you and let Dad talk to her about how to navigate the subject of you with her mom to minimize the negative reactions.
You will forever be my always.

Sugarbell

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Re: Those dating divorcee with nutty ex
« Reply #34 on: April 10, 2017, 05:23:45 PM »
Luckily I am pretty good at predicting how crazies will react...Dodged a bullet Saturday morning...his daughter was playing in the band for our towns Chocolate festival-My daughter and I skipped it (even though NG and his daughter wanted us to go)...I knew her Mom would be in the area to pick her up at 2.

And as predicted...she ran over to his sisters, Nieces, family during the parade (he was there) and caused a mild scene.

Then started texting hateful texts at 11 at night when she found out we went to a friend of mines house for an Easter party.

Then upset his son (whose 22) and daughter (15).. cause the son wanted to hang out with his Dad at his house (I wasn't there he lives out in the country).. But she said "Well I didn't want your soon to be siblings coming out here)" We've only been going out for 2 months.

And they've been divorced for over 2.6 years...And she's dated dozens of men.

He's awesome. She's bat shit crazy...like needs committed .

Guess no relationship is perfect. Just staying one step ahead.
B.W.H. 9/24/2007

arneal

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Re: Those dating divorcee with nutty ex
« Reply #35 on: April 10, 2017, 05:49:01 PM »
Hugs, Sugarbell!
Andree'

Seek peace, and pursue it - Psalm 34:14b

Captains wife

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Re: Those dating divorcee with nutty ex
« Reply #36 on: April 12, 2017, 07:06:26 AM »
Sugarbell - you are dealing with all this madness very well. I'm seriously impressed as this situation seems very toxic -  and all caused by someone who can't control her emotions. I hope it's not creeping into relationship with NG. I'm dealing with a milder version of this right now and sometimes I'd rather just not deal at all. These people are lucky to still have the other parent, family etc in the picture and it makes me so angry when I see all these negative afflictions on others.

Sugarbell

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Re: Those dating divorcee with nutty ex
« Reply #37 on: April 12, 2017, 07:23:20 AM »
I think it helps that I knew of her since high school (we weren't friends but knew about her) and knew of him. Every person I have run into since we've been going out has said the same thing "Oh he's great ..and his ex is nuts"...she made quite a spectacle of herself over the past 10 years here. And she's only in my little town 2 days a week and has an apartment in the "city" 30 minutes away.

Even my oldest son hears how crazy she is from his classmates (kids whose fathers went out with her, etc).

No not affecting me and him. He doesn't talk much about it...but she's an emotional basket case. Her mood depends on who her latest man is and how things are going there. It's just bizarre behavior out of a 45 year old (well actually anyone).

I'm just staying very low key here. He came to my sons baseball game last night and met my family...but that's a safe place I knew she wouldn't be.

Maybe someone rich guy will marry her and she will move away. Oh I can hope. 😳
B.W.H. 9/24/2007

Mizpah

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Re: Those dating divorcee with nutty ex
« Reply #38 on: April 12, 2017, 09:03:08 AM »
Maybe someone rich guy will marry her and she will move away. Oh I can hope. 😳

Careful what you wish for.  This is what's happening right now in my little world, and she's trying to take their son.  It's costing us amazing amounts of money in lawyers' fees that we can't afford, and he might lose anyway, and only see his son twice a year.  It's horribly upsetting.  NO ONE wins in situations like this.  Especially not the kid. 
widowed 2011 (DH 28)

Captains wife

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Re: Those dating divorcee with nutty ex
« Reply #39 on: April 12, 2017, 11:10:50 AM »
Wow - sorry Mizpah....that's awful... I hope the courts come to their senses and don't allow her to go with their son. My NG's ex is threatening to take their son (who is only in kindergarten) across the country to live nearer to her family and the current custody battle is terrible and expensive.

I wish we could all find a way to deal with these exes who are making life difficult for all, especially the poor children. Sigh

Sugarbell

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Re: Those dating divorcee with nutty ex
« Reply #40 on: April 12, 2017, 12:08:40 PM »
Ugh...that's awful for both of you-I really don't understand the selfishness with kids..Somehow their feelings and needs just get lost in all the ex drama. It's really sad..and I don't understand why a parents would want the child not seeing the other parent..It's almost like they've reverted back to middle school selfishness.

NGs ex tirades (she started cheating in 2006..it was just a total mess) really affected his son who was only 12 when it started. And she's very controlling of this poor now 22 year old kid.

The daughter luckily has him and all his extended family and is very grounded. But she's always upset when she's with her Mom and very on edge. I'm glad she's older so Mom can't take her across the country. But her Mom throws on her face all the time "When you graduate I am going to Florida...only 3 more years and I am leaving this place"--I've never been around this side of dating with toxic exes. I honestly feel like it's very middle school/high schooling except it's now involving kids too.

She's not going to ever get a reaction at of me. I figure my best bet is to keep my nose in the air and pretend she's not around. I respect their daughter too much to ever have words with her Mom. All I can say is Karma is a bitch..and all her craziness is coming back to haunt her.

B.W.H. 9/24/2007

MrsDan

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Re: Those dating divorcee with nutty ex
« Reply #41 on: April 12, 2017, 12:55:09 PM »
Another one dealing with this. Ex took daughter out of state without permission - she'd probably get it if she formally requested it. At any rate, it IS very middle school, and all the more ridiculous when you've been through trauma that is real and not manufactured. I can't imagine denying a child a relationship with her father; it's the one thing I wish I could give mine.
You are the Bear of my heart dear,
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Mizpah

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Re: Those dating divorcee with nutty ex
« Reply #42 on: April 12, 2017, 03:27:25 PM »
She's not going to ever get a reaction at of me. I figure my best bet is to keep my nose in the air and pretend she's not around. I respect their daughter too much to ever have words with her Mom. All I can say is Karma is a bitch..and all her craziness is coming back to haunt her.

More than two years ago, after a particularly ugly incident (one-sided, I didn't engage), we decided it would be best if she were no longer allowed in our house and if I blocked her on my phone and in social media.  It's worked really well.  There's no new fodder for her to use except her baseless opinions and from whatever little snippets she thinks she knows from trying to pump their kid, if she does, and from what she imagines or speculates.  And I don't have that anxiety every time I used to "have to" interact, always trying to dodge her trying to get me to talk $h!t about NG with her, or to try to get me to "open up," knowing she'd use anything I said later and twist it.  For a while, I second-guessed the decision, thinking wouldn't it be nice if we could get along and get past it and be close?  Wouldn't it be best for their son if we could all "co-parent" with love and good intentions and focused on working together for what's best for him?  But slowly came to realize that not everyone is like me and that I was the only one of the two of us (me and her) that wanted that and that any kind of interaction/closeness would just feed the ugly crazy damaging stuff. 

Long-winded way of saying I think it's smart to avoid and ignore!
widowed 2011 (DH 28)

Trying

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Re: Those dating divorcee with nutty ex
« Reply #43 on: April 13, 2017, 08:22:31 AM »
Mizpah, what an awful situation.  Having never been divorced myself it's hard for me to imagine letting my own ego and hurt get in the way of what is right for my kids but you hear it happening way too often.

Our lastest was an email from ex stating that after the school year ends she doesn't want them staying with us during the week and wants him to pay for the before school program so she can drop them off at 6:45 am before work (they are 6 &7) instead of getting on the bus here at 8:30 the 2 days she works.  Her latest reasoning "it's nothing personal, I just love being a mom".  Well, too bad, it's supposed to be 50-50 custody, he loves being a Dad and they love (and need) their time with him!  I have a feeling he will be heading to court before long too. 
You will forever be my always.

Sugarbell

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Re: Those dating divorcee with nutty ex
« Reply #44 on: April 13, 2017, 05:15:08 PM »
Oh dang Trying she sounds like a whack job!!

and again it's "I love being a Mom...I I I " not what is in the best interest of the kids. Dropping a 6/7 year old off at 6:45 am instead of letting them sleep and get on the bus at 8:30? Yeah that's really good for them..NOT! It's just her way of having "control" instead of looking out for the kids.


Again....Middle School selfishness. Ugh! Sorry you are dealing with that nonsense
B.W.H. 9/24/2007