Author Topic: Those dating divorcee with nutty ex  (Read 7098 times)

tybec

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Re: Those dating divorcee with nutty ex
« Reply #45 on: April 14, 2017, 10:43:42 AM »
This stuff is so hard. I heard the stories due to my job, but being involved with someone with it is another ball game.

My NG had bought a condo on purpose on a cul-de-sac with a huge Soccer park at the end of it, and a block from his kids' school, so another playground and being familiar to his sons.  So, he had no yd. to deal with but two parks he could throw a rock to for his kids to access.  His ex, a teacher, had the kids in that school as it had the best scores, though she taught elsewhere. Amazingly, when she moved to another school, she moved them to her school.  Now, no one will say anything as she takes them with her, and her new school has the same scores, but how convenient to move them from their father's home district next to their school.  The other drawback is the kids attend a school way out in the county, so they have no neighborhood friends to play with.  Had they continued in the school next to Dad's house, they could have had opportunities for kids to play with in the neighborhood that attend their school. Some old time normalcy.  Ex didn't care. Away from dad and convenient to her.  No kids to play with in their neighborhood at either parents home as they are never there and the kids at their school live out in the county.  More losses for the kids becasue of parent's decisions.  SMH
« Last Edit: April 14, 2017, 10:46:10 AM by tybec »

Trying

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Re: Those dating divorcee with nutty ex
« Reply #46 on: April 14, 2017, 11:20:41 AM »
Tybec, its that kind of selfishness that I just don't understand.  Grown ups should be able to push aside their own egos and agendas and do what is best for the kids. None of these children asked for the divorce yet they pay a heavy price.
You will forever be my always.

Sugarbell

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Re: Those dating divorcee with nutty ex
« Reply #47 on: April 24, 2017, 01:01:17 PM »
Met his Mom, sisters, nieces/nephews this weekend. They are great.

They were having a large birthday party/dinner thing and invited 80 people (way onboard in my book but it was for his nieces new baby birthday) anyway..we went out Sat to help decorate and party was Sunday afternoon at 2. His daughter was getting dropped off by her Mom. Mother wasn't invited. I told them "She will come in..and I don't want a scene or anything at this little girls birthday party. "

They didn't think she would. NG went up to my folks for lunch after church...he told his sister to text him when his daughter got there and we would head down.

Sister called...daughter was there...Ex dropped her off..came in, strutted around..made everyone uncomfortable then left. They were appalled she came in scoping out the place for him/us.

I know crazy. Better than most...continuing to stay one step ahead..but I know eventually we are going to run into each other.
B.W.H. 9/24/2007

tybec

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Re: Those dating divorcee with nutty ex
« Reply #48 on: April 24, 2017, 02:49:02 PM »
Wow, SB.  Just WOW.    Keep up the good work of taking the high road.

I went to NG's son's play. His ex was to be there, of course.  Her family had been the night before.  I felt nothing. I didn't have stress.  I am no threat and have nothing to be concerned about.  She came in, touched younger son's shoulder and went backstage.  Didn't talk to him, really.  I hate they are like this.  Can be in the same place but their kids get the message that if it is the other parent's time, then off limits.  HOW WEIRD for the children!  They get it, the body language.  The "actor" came out and talked to me and my DS afterwards instead of going to his mother.  He knows the unsaid rules. 

NG asked if I saw his ex give me the look over.  NOPE, didn't notice, not worried. 
 

MR

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Re: Those dating divorcee with nutty ex
« Reply #49 on: April 24, 2017, 03:57:00 PM »
Wow SB you are good at it, You are spending some time and brain to make sure no wanted scene is created. Happy that it worked out as you planned. I suppose it is worth thinking all this and avoiding as far as you can and hopefully she will get message.
I suppose after some time our of the forum member can write book about Dating div.....


Sugarbell

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Re: Those dating divorcee with nutty ex
« Reply #50 on: April 25, 2017, 09:57:37 AM »
It's a challenge...in my small hometown..we know lots of the same people. I'm not really used to being on guard..but I grew up here..so it's not hard to stay 2 steps ahead of the crazy.

Her latest is she's telling folks she's being tested for MS (Multiple Scelerosis). When he finally had enough 3 years ago and they separated she told everyone she had cancer and he was leaving her and not there for her during treatments. (Uh he left her cause she started cheating in 2006...and never really stopped and he finally had enough. His only regret is he didn't leave her sooner)
She never had treatments..it suddenly was gone once the attention stopped and she realized he wasn't taking her back.

My Mom has MS...she's had it for 30 years. It aggravates me that she's got her daughter worked up over her MS testing (which is just an MRI..maybe they are trying to find a reason for the Crazy).

I'm almost at a place that I am ready to stop tip toeing around about the relationship and avoiding her at all costs. I am really taking the proactive high road because I really care about this guy and his daughter.

My inner redneck wants to start messing with her head..Holding off hoping she just flits away
B.W.H. 9/24/2007

MR

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Re: Those dating divorcee with nutty ex
« Reply #51 on: April 25, 2017, 01:29:57 PM »
I think what you are doing is right as once she stops getting attention she will not bother you and him.

mmg19

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Re: Those dating divorcee with nutty ex
« Reply #52 on: April 25, 2017, 06:42:38 PM »
Stay on the high road.  You are not responsible for her words and behaviors.  NG will always need some contact with his ex if they are sharing custody.  Daughter will and should always be concerned for her mother.  Her medical issues do not concern you.  A fire always burns out when no fuel is added.  Patience, kindness, and maturity are qualities to serve one well. 

Sooner or later you are going to be faced with face to face contact.  A pleasant hello and move on as you would with any other acquaintance without emotion or need for conversation would be my choice.  No explanation needed and NG and daughter will appreciate not feeling any stress.  Good Luck.

tybec

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Re: Those dating divorcee with nutty ex
« Reply #53 on: April 25, 2017, 08:41:15 PM »
Good job, SB.  When you said crazy, it is really on a whole other level.  Sorry to have to deal with that. Our hearts fall for who they fall.

I have been prepared for everything I have dealt with in my life, whether I liked it or not.  I think you got this, prepared though you didn't know you would be.  ;)

BrokenHeart2

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Re: Those dating divorcee with nutty ex
« Reply #54 on: April 26, 2017, 12:29:21 AM »
My DH had a wackjob ex.  Stay the course SB  You're doing great.  Just don't expect it to end.  Expect the unexpected and you won't be suprised.  LOL 
I don't want it to be his legacy that his death destroyed me.
I need to honour his life by rebuilding my life.

Sugarbell

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Re: Those dating divorcee with nutty ex
« Reply #55 on: April 26, 2017, 07:17:50 AM »
Thanks for the words of wisdom everyone. I will stay the course being proactive. I catch myself always staying Astro ahead but I know some unexpected encounters are eventually going to happen.

You are right...her health doesn't concern me. I think the whole MS thing really hit a nerve with me...because my Mom was diagnosed when I was in High School and she did everything to keep us shielded from it for a while...the ex hasn't even been diagnosed but is already worrying her daughter about it for sympathy. (Bet my life savings she doesn't have MS).

I haven't posted a single pic or anything on social media of us because she has mutual friends with me and I'm just staying private and invisible (don't want to fuel any fire). And again..I could care less how angry or whatever the emotion is of the day she is with me....but she drills her daughter and drives that poor kid up the wall when she's upset so for her sake...I stay invisible.

Oh and she's intentionally overdosed twice when she gets upset (usually over one of her man friends) My sons friends Dad went out with her briefly..when he tried to dump her she overdosed and had to have her stomach pumped. So I'm expecting that to happen eventually too for attention.

Good grief.🙄🙄. But NG is worth her headache. I'm not going anywhere.
B.W.H. 9/24/2007

Trying

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Re: Those dating divorcee with nutty ex
« Reply #56 on: April 26, 2017, 08:05:57 AM »
When there are kids involved you definitely have a different level of responsibility when dealing with a crazy ex.  It sounds like you are very sensitive to the impact on NGs daughter and letting that guide you instead of your own ego is the way to go.  Its too bad she doesn't realize the same thing and put her daughter first.
You will forever be my always.

Sugarbell

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Re: Those dating divorcee with nutty ex
« Reply #57 on: April 28, 2017, 08:03:19 AM »
NG poor daughter...I hope I don't unintentionally make things worse. She went to ballgame with us last night...We were talking about our Finger Lakes vacation in June (all 6 of us are getting a lake house). She is so excited. Then my daughter grabbed my phone and started showing her pics of our various trips (I've taken lots of mini trips solo with my kids). She just got quiet then said "Well my Mom is flying to Key West tomorrow morning since she's kid free till Monday..another one of her get always with "friends".. I wish my Mom would take trips with me".

Her Dad said she cried all the way back to their house...saying how selfish her Mom was.

I know it's not my concern...she's anxious to get her drivers license...so she can stay at her Dads all the time and not be forced to stay with her Mom in the city and her partying friends.

I just have a soft spot for kids...I verbalize nothing to her about her Mom..I'm neutral Switzerland.

I'm sure when she chooses to stay with her Dad all the time that will be blame on me. 🙄
B.W.H. 9/24/2007

MR

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Re: Those dating divorcee with nutty ex
« Reply #58 on: April 28, 2017, 09:12:44 AM »
I feel for your NG daughter. Yes you will be blamed for everything so get ready  :) :)

arneal

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Re: Those dating divorcee with nutty ex
« Reply #59 on: April 28, 2017, 12:39:05 PM »
Yes, Sugarbell -- the second mom or second dad is always at fault  ::) That's why I used that term with my son -- my second husband was his second dad; his first dad was dead so there was no drama, but for my stepdaughter, having a second mom for real (someone her ex married, not just a girlfriend) was problematic for a long time.
Andree'

Seek peace, and pursue it - Psalm 34:14b