Specific Situations > Extreme Caregiving

Trying to remember the good memories


How does everyone deal with memories and trying to remember the good ones over the hard ones.  Sometimes I get caught up remembering my husband at the end when he was so so sick and I feel horrible and sad about it. He turned into someone he wasn't. He wasn't terminal but needed a transplant to live and for too sick to get one so passed away before he could have surgery. So the expectation had always been survival not death. It wasn't until the last 2 days of his life that it was imminent.  I get guilty feelings sometimes like what could we have done differently. All the damn what if's. 

It's hard sometimes.... All you remember are the crappy times, the doctor visits, waiting for test results, watching your beloved leave you bit by bit.
But as some time passes, you'll remember more of the times before they were sick and less of the caregiving. I feel it's like childrearing a little- when they're toddlers you live in this world where the child's needs dominate everything, but then at some point you start seeing them as a person and remember the little baby days fondly- if asked a specific question you'll remember how horrible their colic was, for example, but it's not what you remember daily.... For me, it's been like that- daily I remember him, the good and bad times... But if something specific comes up, all the caregiving pieces come flooding back.


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