Specific Situations > Other Circumstances

My mom won't let me call myself a widow

<< < (5/5)

I am a widow. I recognize you as a widow. You are feeling all the same feelings of loss and grief as I did. For me, it is not the legal definition, but the emotional experience.

Your mom is a Statist and believes that the State is god and that their paperwork is gospel.

According to ancient, unbroken tradition a husband and wife were sexually and otherwise committed to one another. A marriage began with sex and ended only in death. Sex is sacred and should not be shared with strangers (according to the same traditions). These traditions have a common origin indeed, but they predate even the civilizations that archaeologists try to tell us actually existed.

You were married to him if you were already behaving like it. I can list the practices that study energy and how it works as examples of proof but I don't think those kinds of things would be healthy to list on a grieving help board.

Your mom needs to stop worshiping the flag and trying to enforce the State's corporate codes and policies and try to acknowledge the truth. You are an authentic widow.

I was reading through old posts and thought I'd chime in with the dictionary definition of widow from Webster's:

"1 a : a woman who has lost her spouse OR PARTNER [emphasis mine] by death and usually has not remarried"

I don't think it gets any more straightforward than that.

And anyway, as others have so eloquently stated, this is a matter of the heart.  :(

I have been told the same thing by those who are my age - 55 or older. I asked my younger sorority sisters and friends. They said yes I am a widow. At first, I was uncomfortable saying it, but when a very supportive poster on this site told me that I saw Minh thru the hospitalization and thru death, doing that made me a widow. It didn't matter it was just 9 months after we met and 6 weeks after I moved in, it was the loving relationship that we both told other was long term and permanent that counts. 

I have started not let what others say effect me. I am a widow in my heart, soul, and body. Modern idea of one, but isn't the younger generations getting the world more correct for everyone, not just the select few.

I am now comfortable telling people I am a widow of almost 3 months. If others have a problem with that, it is their problem. Please take a hug from me and me telling you, yes you are his widow.

You Are Allowed To Be Whomever You Want To Be

That said, I suspect your mother, or others, are very literal people. And of course, technically the only way to be a widow is to have been wed. If you and your partner had lived together for 25 years, I'm guessing your mother would still take issue with the term "widow."

As someone who was married for 17 years (and with my partner for 18) I take no offense at whatever you wish to call yourself. It's not a competition.


[0] Message Index

[*] Previous page

Go to full version