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I still feel so disconnected

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This November will be 8 years since my husband died. I feel like I should be further along in my life. I feel so disconnected from people at times. I believe there are parts of me that died with him. I'm still struggling to raise our only child by myself, and it's not getting any easier. I tried two relationships in seven years, and they just didn't work for a few different reasons. I feel like I'm more comfortable being alone. I was on my own for four years before I began a relationship. Now I just feel like I don't want to deal with a lot of other people's  "stuff" as I still have enough of my own (I'm sure that sounds terrible, but it's true). So much of my energy the past few years has been on trying to survive the most devastating loss. I fear that the rest of my life will just be surviving and not really living. I'm tired of this.

I'm so sorry Still_Lost.  I have no words of wisdom, but please are not alone. 
I wish I could reach through the computer screen and give you a ((((big hug))))! 
Sending warm and positive vibes that the heavy feeling and weight of the pain lifts a little bit each day.  Hang in there!

Still, I have read your post, several times. So much of what you wrote hit home. I'm at 8 1/2 years, and there are times I think - G-d, I've been through the fire and survived. Some days I'm riding high, confident and ok, and other days - well, come home from work, pour that wine, binge watch the White Queen, and think, OMFG, what is to become of me? So yeah, you're not alone in this. I've found that there's a byproduct of being widowed, be it fear, or warrior strength, or cynicism. Whatever it is, good or bad, it stays with us. My 2 cents.

I just wanted you to know that you've been heard - thank you for posting this. Marsha

Hugs to still ... I hear you , you are not alone .

Thank you. Sometimes hearing that I'm not alone in my feelings helps me to feel better. I think some people think I should be over it because 7 years have passed, but that is not the case. Some days I feel just as bad as I did in the beginning. I guess that's what they are referring to when they say grief is a roller-coaster.


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