Author Topic: I can't feel anymore  (Read 1064 times)

sojourner

  • Member
  • Posts: 176
Re: I can't feel anymore
« Reply #15 on: April 03, 2017, 08:37:05 AM »
I can't say anything I did or didn't do got me through my numbness phase, really. At the risk of sounding cliche'd, things somehow just shifted with the passage of time. Other stages and phases of grief also have come and gone in their own time, although can still pop up again, often blind-siding me.

To be honest, at times I miss the numbness. Sometimes, living in the aftermath of life after his death is just all too real. (I'm a little under 3 years now since he died.)


Wheelerswife

  • Member
  • Posts: 1069
  • Widowed x 2.
Re: I can't feel anymore
« Reply #16 on: April 03, 2017, 09:06:33 AM »
Yup I agree, all the colour has been drained from my life. It's been 4 months for me and I hate to say that I am no better. I do understand the numbness you feel, just impossible to feel anymore, especially joy. Obviously I haven't been happy since the day he died but I really don't foresee any joy in the future. Can anyone further out say what has worked for them?

I had to have something to keep me occupied.  After my first husband died, I went back to work after 6 weeks.  I had to get up and be somewhere 5 days a week.  I know I didn't function at my best, but sometimes, I would get absorbed in my work taking care of my patients (I was/am a physical therapist). 

When my second husband died, I had gone back to school.  11 days after he died, my semester started back up.  I had only 3 courses, but one class each day of the week.  So, for 5 days a week, I had to be prepared for something...reading, a paper, a group project....something.  I had to be out of the house and on campus.

What these things did was connect me to the living.  It is hard to stay completely morose when life is happening around you.  So...for periods of time, I was lifted by my patients, fellow students, the joking and poking around that happens in the office or clinic or classroom.  Sure, there were times that I wanted to hide from what was going on, and I did that when I felt the need. 

Time makes a difference, too.  The hard part about that is that sometimes, it takes a lot more time than we would like.

Keep posting here.  I'm glad to see that we have some newer folks joining in.  I know that people are out there needing support, just as I did.

Make connections with people if you sense some type of understanding or rapport.  You might be surprised how much virtual friendships can develop into genuine relationships.  There are a few folks from here that I correspond with on a regular basis that I have never met.  There are others that, over the years, I have been able to meet in person, even though they were quite far from me.  My Facebook friend list has a fair share of folks who are widowed, and many of them are living their lives fully again in spite of the reality of widowhood.

Hugs to all of you who are new to this club.

Maureen
Life is short.  Love with all you've got. 

Barry 11/29/55-9/22/09       John  1/16/57-1/11/14

Empathy  Developer  Responsibility  Adaptability Connectedness

Virgo

  • Member
  • Posts: 892
  • Location:Indiana Widowed:2/4/14
Re: I can't feel anymore
« Reply #17 on: April 09, 2017, 01:56:48 AM »
I'm 41, widowed at 39. When people ask me to describe the first year compared to the second year I always say that I felt numb, robotic. I have three daughters. At the time they were 14, 12, and 6. I functioned for them and their basic needs. The second year was acceptance. Our lives without him.
Jen

"Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened." Dr. Seuss

Mrs.johnson

  • Member
  • Posts: 12
Re: I can't feel anymore
« Reply #18 on: April 09, 2017, 12:44:01 PM »
I totally understand the numbness...in church I'm usually the one shouting out "amen", singing along with the choir and praising God...now I just sit their numb with so much sorrow on my heart and in my mind... it pretty much blocks me from what's going on around me...i feel like I'm standing still while everyone around me is going to and fro; busy with their lives and the cares of this world...

Monique

  • Member
  • Posts: 64
Re: I can't feel anymore
« Reply #19 on: April 10, 2017, 09:04:19 AM »
The numbness is awful. I want to cry and sob so badly, but I CAN'T. Every once in a while I cry, but most of the time when something reminds me, it's just this heavy sadness but no tears come. I've always been a proponent of a good cry now and then, and I have never needed one more. I figure the strong emotions will return eventually though.... it's only been six weeks.

At the risk of sounding a bit silly, and revealing my youth, I was recently reminded of the Disney movie "Inside Out." When Joy gets lost, the little girl can't feel happy anymore, and her personality just kind of goes flat. That's how I feel. I have no joy anymore.
Death cannot stop true love. All it can do is delay it for a while." --The Princess Bride

MissingBilly

  • Member
  • Posts: 12
Re: I can't feel anymore
« Reply #20 on: April 10, 2017, 06:24:46 PM »
At the risk of sounding a bit silly, and revealing my youth, I was recently reminded of the Disney movie "Inside Out." When Joy gets lost, the little girl can't feel happy anymore, and her personality just kind of goes flat. That's how I feel. I have no joy anymore.

Not silly at all. My FB avatar has been Anger off and on in recent months. :)

I also think the lesson of Inside Out is very helpful to people in our situation--that sometimes you have to be sad to get through something, and that it's okay. And that not everything you love in life gets to come along for the entire journey.



James

  • Member
  • Posts: 10
Re: I can't feel anymore
« Reply #21 on: April 13, 2017, 06:07:36 PM »
Quote
Now those same things are just a burden, when they're not actively painful reminders of what I've lost. I carry on with my pastimes and hobbies, but there's no joy. My life seems to have had all its colour rinsed out. It's a dreary, blasted wasteland.

Dude, the dreary blasted wasteland where all the color is rinsed out, where there is no joy.  You captured it perfectly.  And we understand.

James

  • Member
  • Posts: 10
Re: I can't feel anymore
« Reply #22 on: April 13, 2017, 06:18:13 PM »
I've been doing "better" for the past week.  Been working with my crew, my brothers.  May God bless good friends.  It's been good for me.  Then friends of the family texted me a picture of my wife's grave.  It wasn't malicious, they wanted to show me that they had left flowers.  Can't people use their brain?  So down the black pit I spiraled once again.

Then my little girl had a dream and got to be with Mommy.  She said, "Mommy, you're alive!".  Can it get any  freaking worse?  No baby, Mommy is not alive.  Mommy will never hold you again.  She'll never have a tea party with you again.  She'll never hug you or tuck you in.  Your Mommy is dead.  Your happy childhood ended February 1 when you got to watch Mommy die.

In a few days I fly back home, where my wife won't be there to pick me up.  A dagger waiting for me that I have to walk into.  I'll cross that bridge when I get there.

I'm in the pit right now.  I have to maintain.  I have to rally.  I have to hold to my motto: "I will live."

I hate being on this forum.  I hate that you are on this forum.  I thank you all for being here and understanding.