Socializing > Relationships/Remarriage

I don't know how to date as an adult!

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I've had one  post widow relationship and am now entering another. What I'm now thinking is I haven't got a clue how to date like an adult.

When I met DH I was a teenager living in my parents house. A lot of what I did was set out by the parents rule. I was home every matter what I'd been  doing that night or how late it was ...I headed home from my boyfriends(DH) apartment to sleep in my own bed.

During my 1st post widow relationship I kept almost those same rules....basically because I had my 18 yr old son at home and somehow, I didn't want him dealing with "where is mom?" Thing was I was fairly comfortable with that arrangement.

Now I'm in a new son is away at more reason to get home...but it seems weird.....

My decisions are solely my decisions and I'm not used to that.

In otherwords it's almost a foriegn idea that at the end of the evening when my boyfriend is dropping me off, that I could ask him in for a nightcap....instead we end up "necking "in the car.

I don't know what my point is but I know I'm struggling with this and wondered if anyone else can relate.

I know, right?  I have the same history as you.  DH was HS sweetheart.  I read up on things, saw things on t.v., and was even more confused.  I had in my head that I would find a guy, he would be the right one and marry me.  HA! I thought I would be very traditional in all that.  I suppose I could have been, but I haven't with my NG.  He has dated many in his 20s as he was military overseas, rugby playing guy.  He married at age 30.  Divorced at 40.  Had lots of relationships.  Thankfully, he was into monogamy, but still had many relationships since college to my one.  Just tough. 

On TV, they talked about the 3 DATE RULE!  WHAT?  OMG!  Really!  NG was a little more ambitious around the 3rd date!  I backed off, told him not ready for all that.  And he backed off and gave me space.  But wow! 
I know it is awkward.  I am just getting to the point that I need to do what I want and need and not worry about the "rules" or what others think.  My grief, my losses, my life how I live it. Slowing getting there.  Good luck!

Yup, just go with your gut feeling! Your life your rules!

I have to say this is one of the main reasons I don't want to date - I don't really know how as an adult. I knew my DH throughout HS and we dated in college until we got engaged and got married. I listen to my divorced friends talk through about the dating scene (they are also in their 40's as I am) and it kills any remote interest or curiosity I may have had. 

I don't either anymore. I dated a lot during/after college and could juggle dating a few guys at a time. But now I have no desire to do that. Luckily NG didn't really seem to know how to date either. Or neither of use wanted to play games. Our "dates" consist most of the time sitting on the couch watching tv, sometimes we force ourselves to go out to dinner or a movie. It's so different with kids though too, like you said.

We've been dating 2 years and NG just started staying over one night a weekend 3 weeks ago. And sometimes I still wish he could just go home. I don't sleep as well with him in the bed, got used to sleeping alone I guess. I also worry a little about what the neighbors think to see his truck here all night, lol. I was raised sooo conservative. But so many things are different at this stage in life.

Good luck figuring out how things work with you. I would love to have a kid free house to come home to sometimes.


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