Socializing > Relationships/Remarriage

I don't know how to date as an adult!

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My LH said clearly he did not want me by myself. I was angry about it when he first said it, but after he died, I soon realized I didn't want to be alone either. This was the second time I'd been widowed, so I was very organized when it happened. I moved forward with life, particularly LH had not only told me but had told our pastor at the time as well that he didn't want me alone. I started checking online dating sites about two months after he died and realized quickly that I had no concept of what dating was about. After dealing with a troll for a bit, I went on another site where I met my NG. We have been associated since the end of last May. He was separated and working on his divorce, which was finalized in the fall. We kept things friendly for that time, particularly since we only saw each other on weekends. We were on the same page about how to connect physically and it happened, if I can say, organically.

klim   Thank you for posting this, I too feel like I don't know how to date as an adult.   DD is 18 and still lives at home, and that sets the boundaries.  I'm dating a new guy, and I'm home every night and he doesn't visit me here.  Once DD leaves for school in the fall, that boundary will disappear.  The thought of asking him in for a nightcap sounds so strange.  Almost scary.

And I can't even begin to imagine a guy in my bedroom.  Need to get over this, I realize, but I consider my bedroom a sanctuary and having a man in there with me?  :o

ok going to update a little on how dysfuntional a dater I am...but the mention of "my bedroom being my sanctuary" has prompted  me to admit how odd I am. ... if nothing else maybe some of you will get a laugh at how awkward I am.

i have been dating this NG since the beginning of the year. we had not been intimate yet but were getting close so I was bold and asked him to join me on a vacation. I would have liked to have been a little farther along in our journey before  travelling together but I had specific vacation days and I thought it might be a good opportunity to test drive our relationship. AWkward because we hadn't shared a bed  was a risk but it went well. we figured it out.

Fast forward two weeks later. We are relaxing at my house, having some close encounters on my couch...part of my brain said invite him to the's more comfortable....another part said No way!!!...that part won.
Now here's where it gets even more weird. it got late and we had decided on heading out the next morning  for a little get away for the next night . his house is an hour the wrong way so I said he could sty the night....but I made him sleep on the guest bed.

So I'm ok sleeping together as long as it's not in my bed......he said he understood...funny thing is I can barely understand ........

I can totally understand the bedroom thing. I can't even contemplate. I think it's smart to go to a neutral like zone, honestly.

 I think everyone is just different.  I wanted the "rules",  and it didn't work.  I have done things at my pace, my way.  Probably the first time in my life I didn't worry about what everyone else would think.  Part of being in my 40s, part of going through hell and surviving, so what the heck? 

Do what is most comfortable for you, and it will be okay.  I have my home. NG knows my home is my home I made with DH. I haven't changed much, honestly.  I have what I need and it is paid for.  Practical me.  But he is aware. I took all pics out of the bedroom as he noted it.  And I have one left with DH and son in a collage, baby pics of son, and he commented on it this weekend.  Oh!  So, more adjustments for comfort zone. 

He is divorced, so different scenario.  No pics of ex, of course, except in his children's room. 

I never dreamed I would be here, so I guess sharing my home, my bedroom which was DH's and mine, isn't that weird for me now.  Couldn't tell you why, either, as I was only with my DH ever.

  Strange this widow world.


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