Author Topic: The guilt of rebuilding  (Read 644 times)

KrypticKat

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The guilt of rebuilding
« on: April 01, 2017, 08:32:09 AM »
Up until this point most of my life has been surrounding this tragedy. Closing up accounts, taking care of lawyers and doctors and slowly just trying to get myself back to work so that I don't have to live in a shoebox. But now I'm reaching a new stage. Things are finally starting to settle , certain things are starting to close and I find myself realizing I don't have much going on for myself. So I started doing little things like redecorating the house or possibly looking at if I want it move. I even catch myself thinking about if I was to ever consider looking for love again what that would look like. But all of these things are usually followed by this horrible racking guilt that I can't seem to let go of. Like I'm betraying or cheating on my husband which when I really think about it is crazy because that implies I have an option to go back to him. God I wish I could go back to him. I love and miss him so much. I do little things in his memory which bring me peace. But doesn't seem fair that as I try to move forward in a healthy manner (because I have to) that my reward is this never-ending guilt. Not really sure how to deal with it. The fact is we never got a chance to have children so it's not like I can focus on making their lives better. I've got a cat and he's doing just fine. So really all I have is me. Just me so I've got to focus on making things better for me. But the guilt. I can't stop with the guilt. Is this normal? Any suggestions?
« Last Edit: April 01, 2017, 08:47:00 AM by KrypticKat »

Callobg

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Re: The guilt of rebuilding
« Reply #1 on: April 01, 2017, 10:16:55 AM »
KrypticKat, you're not alone in feeling that way sister. My heart breaks often just thinking about my beautiful WIFE not being here. This life f@cking sucks. No advice, just wishing you peace my friend.

V/r
Calloway
Forever and always my wife, my friend, my lover, my everything.


Love you LSC.

WifeLess

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  • Widowed: August 2009 Remarried: June 2013
Re: The guilt of rebuilding
« Reply #2 on: April 01, 2017, 10:47:48 AM »
KrypticKat,

Throughout the first year after my wife's death, I gradually adopted the attitude that in some sense she was still with me. In hindsight I see that this allowed me to take my first steps towards rebuilding without feeling sad or guilty. Although not necessarily true in the religious or spiritual sense, I once described it this way:

Quote
I often feel that my [deceased] wife has been assisting me in facing the challenges of my new life. Some might say it is her actual spirit, and others, the spirit she instilled within me when she was alive. Whichever it is, it allows me to go on . . . Wherever I go, whatever I do, she is with me. And so I never feel that I am leaving her behind. I see her smiling with me when I am up, encouraging me when I am down, laughing at me when I do something dumb. As she did for so many years in life, I'm sure that in death she still wants the best for me. And so she is guiding me towards happiness.

---WifeLess

Monique

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Re: The guilt of rebuilding
« Reply #3 on: April 01, 2017, 08:08:26 PM »
I'm going through the same thing. Some days I feel guilty just for existing. But I remind myself that feeling miserable all the time won't bring him back or fix anything, so I might as well try to do something beneficial.I'm sure the guilty feelings will diminish with time too.
Death cannot stop true love. All it can do is delay it for a while." --The Princess Bride