Time Frame > Newly Widowed (1 day to 6 months)

How do you sleep?

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bromans:
Hi, I'm 24 years old and lost my wife of 3 years unexpectedly 6 weeks ago. I don't have any kids, and I grew up with this girl. I've never done anything important without her. I'm sleeping on a couch because I can't bear the thought of being on a bed without her, but I still can't sleep. Bed time was so unique with her. Sometimes we would just laugh and play until 3am, sometimes we would talk about our future, sometimes we would watch youtube, but we would never just go right to sleep. My question is, what are some things that have helped you at night when you were trying to sleep? I feel like I can't rest, like my mind is always going, always reminding me that something's not right. In the middle of the night, I reach for her and panic when she isn't there. I'm so tired. It's unbearable. 

Mizpah:
I'm so sorry.  The beginning is so brutally hard, so hard I actually don't recall the first few months, mercifully.  I do know what I did to cope though in terms of sleep: I tried to get lots of sunshine during the day and be outside as much as possible (the sun during daytime hours, especially 12-4, is something they tell you to do with newborns to get their internal clocks lined up with day/night cycles).  I also tried to get a lot of physical activity - running and working out, or taking long walks - to make my body need sleep, and my body overrode my mind much of the time.  And I never slept in, always forced myself to get up and get the day going, knowing if I didn't, I could pay the price at night and it would be torture.  For me, it worked.  (I also tried to let myself get my thoughts out during the day - whether it be in writing, or with other widows here, or with friends, or in therapy.  My mind of course didn't stop because it was nighttime, but at least I didn't have a traffic jam/clogup from the day?) (I also bought new sheets.)  Thinking of you and wishing you solace.

MR:
Hi Bromans,
So sorry for you loss. Can't welcome you to club but it is reality. I had similar issues and was sleeping on couch for almost 2 months but kept trying to sleep on bed in between. I started gym, spending more time on work related stuff, may be a drink or 2 might help if you drink. Crying helps too. If you are sleeping few hours at night for now it is fine and it will get better with passage of time and body need to relax. Also sometimes sleeping few hours at night and may be a nap in evening helps to relax body. I spoke to my doctor and he prescribed anxiety medicine which I decided not to take.

Hugs
Manoj

Mrs.johnson:
I'm so sorry for your lost...i'm 34 years old and I lost my husband of 8 months unexpectedly as well...he died 3 weeks ago...we didn't have any kids together but he has a 16 year old whom he had full custody of which makes him my step son and we have a yorkie that he got me for Valentine's day 2016...we dated for a year and 5 months before he proposed and a year later we got married...just like you I've never done anything important without him...i always looked to him...he was soooooo smart and took such good care of me!!! He was and still is an awesome husband!!! I moved into my parents home and it didn't feel quite like home until I moved our bed in...being  in our bed gives me a since of closeness to him and he hated when I slept on the couch or in our sons bed when he would be gone working 3rd shift...he would say "I bought you this big beautiful bed and you don't even sleep in it...i would hate to sleep in the bed without him but I know he preferred me to be in this bed that he spent so much money on...what do you think she would say about you sleeping on the couch and not in the bed?? My sadness and pain causes me to be sleepy throughout the day so I can sleep at the drop of a dime...you ever think about taking something to help you sleep that's not habit forming like melatonin or Tylenol pm...those might help...my mother-in-law takes melatonin and it helps her...

Wheelerswife:
I also had panic and anxiety in trying to go to bed after unexpectedly losing my husband.  I had to pursue medical advice for the anxiety.  My dog has been a saving grace as well. 

I'm so sorry you had to join this club.

Hugs,

Maureen

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