Specific Situations > Young Widow/ers with No Children

A constant nagging reminder

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bromans:
It has only been 8 weeks for me, and I am currently living with my in-laws. I chose this because we have always been very close, and they lived next door to us, so if I want to spend some time in my house, it's in walking distance. The problem is that my BIL and his wife have a newborn, and my in-laws are so enthralled with him-- overly so in my opinion. They are constantly talking about him, saying how adorable he is, he's the most perfect baby, watching videos, wanting to go see him etc. And it really is constant. All hours of the day. I don't think that they understand how hard DW and I tried to start our own family or how badly she wanted to be a mom. To them, their grandson is one of the only bright spots they have, but to me it's just a painful reminder of what we wanted so bad and will never have. I don't think I can stand it any longer. Everytime I see a video of their happy little family it tears me apart. They weren't even trying to have a baby. Ive been leaving the room every time he comes up, and it's not just them. Everyone wants to talk about him, especially her extended family EVERY time they visit. I don't think at this point I can say anything to them about it. Anyway, thanks for hearing my rant. God, how I regret that I couldn't give her what she wanted...

Trying:
I can see where this must be incredibly painful for you, when we lose our spouse we also lose the future we had planned.  I'm sure your inlaws do not realize how the constant baby focus makes you feel.  For them, the baby must be a welcome distraction and a focus of hope and happiness in the middle of their own grief.  New babies can be all encompassing under the best of circumstances for grandparents especially.  Maybe the time is coming for you to be on your own so you can grieve and begin the healing process in the way that's best for you so you can maintain the close relationship with your inlaws and not start to resent them.  In the meantime go ahead and vent here as much as you need to.

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