9 months

[KatieMO]

I'm still struggling, but I think that is how everyone is. That weird reality that has begun to form hasn't helped matters and it's ... I've had a bad time of it due to my own mental health. I already dealt with anxiety and clinical depression before my husband passed suddenly in July of 2016 but it seems to have only gotten worse and now they've added PTSD to the mix. Which I guess is a given.

But what scares me most is the financial side of things.

He died without a will, without life insurance, with no 'plan' really and I'm left here trying to not fall apart. I KNOW I do not have it as bad as most, I don't have children and my family has done their best to be with me and help however they can.

But I'm staring at my bank account of being -300 in the hole and with barely a $100 in my savings that I CAN'T touch and a week til pay day and that will all go towards bills and then there is Wells Fargo who our mortgage was through who have given all the hell. Until January they would not even discuss the mortgage with me, claiming I was not authorized. I was his fucking WIFE dammit.

Then as if by magic, someone went 'Oh yes you are.'

Not a single bill for our mortgage has been sent to me since Chris passed. And I am.. my memory sucks, I do not do well unless I have a physical bill staring me in the face. They have kept saying that they are sending them and I've verified the address and just...

I'm working so damn hard and I never have a break and I feel like it will never stop.

[TooSoon]

Just wanted to send support.  While my circumstances were different, I was a basket case at nine months.  For me, only time and taking on one project at a time, chipping away at things when I had the strength, were the only way through.  Time was the most important thing of all.  It does get better, though I recognize and remember that it emphatically does not feel that way right now. 

[KatieMO]

Thanks TooSoon, it's just so frustrating. Last night a tornado hit my town and the power went out. And it has been flooding here so as you can imagine I've been even MORE frazzled.

On top of things is it's only a few months til The Day and I am trying to not break because I'm supposed to be the strong one but damn. I want to curl into a ball and cry for my Mommy. But I think we all have been there and I keep trying to remember this, I'm not the only one who's been through or who is going through this.

[Wheelerswife]

Hi, Katie,

I just wanted to gently let you know that there is no prize for holding yourself together.  Curl up in a ball and cry for your Mommy if you want to!  It is just as okay to show your weakness as it is to show your strength.  I will practically guarantee you that if you have a bit of a meltdown, you will find that you will stop crying, wipe your face, blow your nose, and then take care of whatever has to be done.  Your feelings are valid.  You don't have to keep them all in.

Hugs to you,

Maureen

[Julester3]

Just want to give you a hug today. ITA there is no prize for keeping it together. There are fine days and crappy days.

[KrypticKat]

Sending you hugs. None of what you are going through is easy. You have every right to feel how you feel. Theres no need to compare or feel guilty because someone may have it 'worse'. The point is it's hard for you right now in your own life.. Everyone's journey through this sucks. Take small steps and be kind to yourself. Thinking of you.KK

[BrokenHeart2]

Very early out for me I read this and it helped me so much.  When it felt unbearable I remembered "If you're going through hell, just keep going." W. Churchill
I had never read it before and I really couldn't tell you how many times I repeated this in my head. I just kept going and it's getting better.
Hang in there KatieMO, we understand because we've been there too. 
Gentle hugs to you.