Author Topic: Friendships?  (Read 654 times)

Needytoo

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Friendships?
« on: April 29, 2017, 08:11:03 AM »
It hasn’t been a great week.  I had a dream last weekend, and my old neighbor /friend was in it. I don’t normally remember dreams.   I thought it was my subconscious reminding me to contact her for a lunch date.  My friend passed away on Monday with complications with her diabetes.  Her daughter is a mess and has been spending my evenings with her.   I didn’t  have support after my husband’s passing, and I do find it so important so I will be there for her. Grieving is messy and draining, but I will be there for my friend’s family because it is just right.

I do realize that in my case why people were not there for me.  It is a complicated story, and I am trying so much to be a person that does have strong friendships.  I have found this very hard. I had one friendship that just went bad, and I had to end it. I need to have boundaries, and this is a new thing for me.  One particular thing my friend often did was canceled on me with very short notice, that use to drive me crazy. 
I am starting to hang out with some other ladies. I am slowly opening up to them.They know I was having a hard week, so they planned out a “girls” day for me today.  I thought that was very nice of them and was looking forward to it.

Yesterday I took off the day to help the grieving family. My friend’s husband saw me and hugged me and totally broke down, apologizing for not being there for us in our time of need. Long day but got through it.  My friends texted me last night telling me they would pick me up bright and early.
I got up this morning had my shower and then checked my phone,  they both texted me and canceled.   I am just not sure what to think anymore.  I am disappointed but feel I shouldn’t  let them know how disappointed I am.  Very confused on what the correct thing is to do? 

Thanks for listening to my continuous rant about my social life.



JeanGenie

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Re: Friendships?
« Reply #1 on: April 29, 2017, 08:36:46 AM »
Needy,
I'm sorry to hear of your friend's passing but so nice of you to be there for her family.
That is really disappointing that your friends cancelled on you this morning especially after the week you've had. I would certainly let them know you're disappointed...not to necessarily make them feel guilty but to let them know that you were looking forward to it.  It is kinda odd that they cancelled last minute too, but maybe there was some good reason? I hope you find something to do to treat yourself today. As we're learning, at the end of the day, sadly, the only person you can really count on is yourself.
I miss how happy I was with you.

Needytoo

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Re: Friendships?
« Reply #2 on: April 29, 2017, 01:45:27 PM »
It is strange they both canceled at the last minute. There was no explanation in their text why. I get this a lot and I have no idea why?  I think you are right JeanGenie I need to let them know I was disappointed.

You are so right that we are the only ones we can count on but on the same note I am so sick of it. There has to be another human being that I should be able to count on. Just need to find them somewhere.

On a positive note, I am got a bunch of stuff done around the house and went to the library. Picked up a book called "You Can Heal Your Life."  I am hoping it will.  ;)

blueheart

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Re: Friendships?
« Reply #3 on: May 08, 2017, 01:56:28 PM »
Sorry to hear about your friends disappointing you. The same thing seems to happen to me as well. I have several "new" friends I've made since DH passed. It seems though that I'm always the one initiating get together or reaching out. I have one friend in particular where I thought we were close (since he's told me so), but he never seems to initiative texts or emails. Somedays I would just like a simple "thinking of you" text message. ANd when it doesn't come, I question our friendship and maybe we're not really such good friends because if we were, wouldn't he make more of a effort? Or maybe it's a guy thing and as a woman my expectations are unrealistic? I don't know but would love to hear a guys perspective.

I guess all of this is to say I"m tired of "friends" disappointing me and it's just a reminder that I no longer have my best friend and that just makes me sad...

Needytoo

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Re: Friendships?
« Reply #4 on: May 08, 2017, 07:46:34 PM »
I hear ya, I too am tired of the disappointment, but I some kind of human contact. I need that hope.

To all of us down this weird road and hopefully one day we will feel at home in our own skin.

BrokenHeart2

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Re: Friendships?
« Reply #5 on: May 08, 2017, 08:38:09 PM »
I sure hope that day comes soon NT! I too am so tired of this weird life.
I don't want it to be his legacy that his death destroyed me.
I need to honour his life by rebuilding my life.

MR

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Re: Friendships?
« Reply #6 on: May 10, 2017, 10:05:52 AM »
It will come soon.. I have noticed as everyone is not going thru the same it is difficult for them to face you. I have joined some groups where people are separated or divorced or widowed and felt it is good as they are in almost similar situation so easy to mix up after few meetings.