Author Topic: POLYAMORY  (Read 1500 times)

maddalena

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POLYAMORY
« on: May 01, 2017, 05:44:59 PM »
Haha, gotcha with that title, didn't I?
I have two kids in their middle 30's who have absolutely no interest in settling down.  The new term for this is polyamory.
As one of my kids was trying to explain to me how this worked for them (Kid is transgendered so i have the additional problem of pronouns), i started thinking about how I am happily married to new guy and still in love with DH.
So does that make me polyamorous :  :o

Trying

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Re: POLYAMORY
« Reply #1 on: May 02, 2017, 08:46:50 AM »
Will it make us seem cooler if we call ourselves polyamorous? 😂.  Can't say I understand the younger generation's attitude on relationships.  My middle son (19) is a serial monogamist like his mom while oldest (21) doesn't seem to have an interest in being in a relationship, but he's young still.

Not committing sounds more lonely to me than being alone.
You will forever be my always.

maddalena

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Re: POLYAMORY
« Reply #2 on: May 02, 2017, 09:54:52 AM »
i agree, not committing does seem lonely.

yeah, we  have to use cool words..  :P

BrokenHeart2

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Re: POLYAMORY
« Reply #3 on: May 02, 2017, 10:00:43 AM »
Haha you wild polyamorous ladies.  lol
I don't want it to be his legacy that his death destroyed me.
I need to honour his life by rebuilding my life.

hachi

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Re: POLYAMORY
« Reply #4 on: May 05, 2017, 02:55:37 PM »
Well, I hate to be a debby downer, but I don't suppose we are polyamorous unless we think we could be in a committed relationship with our NG and our DH at the same time, while they are both living LOL and with their full cooperation and buy in. I can imagine alot, but I can't imagine that! :-[
If you can't explain it simply, you don't understand it well enough.      ~ A. Einstein

maddalena

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Re: POLYAMORY
« Reply #5 on: May 06, 2017, 10:44:16 PM »
Well, I hate to be a debby downer, but I don't suppose we are polyamorous unless we think we could be in a committed relationship with our NG and our DH at the same time, while they are both living LOL and with their full cooperation and buy in. I can imagine alot, but I can't imagine that! :-[
Fine, Debbie downer. Sometimes I wake up with this very scenario on my mind.  How do I tell him I'm married? How do I tell new guy that dh is back?? It's just for a few moments, but I've been there and I know I love two guys at the same time

Sirin

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Re: POLYAMORY
« Reply #6 on: June 27, 2017, 01:28:21 PM »
I am 33, I lost my husband last summer (we were together for 11 years), and now almost a year later I find myself in a happy polyamorous relationship (going on for 5+ months now). 

I also know people who have been in committed polyamorous relationships for years (14 years with one partner, 7 years with another), so it would not be right to assume that there is no "commitment" in those types of arrangements.  If you want to know more about it, this is a good book and resource - https://www.morethantwo.com/

What's nice about it to me is that I don't feel lonely, and I don't feel weird or constricted in expressing my love for my late husband, plus my bf is also a widower (lost his wife to cancer some years ago) - it's something we both can talk freely about, there is no weirdness about the concept of loving more then one person at the same time (whether they are dead or alive)


Metv

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Re: POLYAMORY
« Reply #7 on: June 27, 2017, 06:26:57 PM »
Just doesn't work for me, always been dedicated to one woman. Unfortunately my Soulmate is gone.

BrokenHeart2

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Re: POLYAMORY
« Reply #8 on: June 28, 2017, 03:06:15 AM »
Mine too Metv.  Unfortunately I just haven't met the one to find out how it would feel to be polyamorous! lol
I don't want it to be his legacy that his death destroyed me.
I need to honour his life by rebuilding my life.

Metv

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Re: POLYAMORY
« Reply #9 on: June 28, 2017, 09:52:16 AM »
<3

Metv

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Re: POLYAMORY
« Reply #10 on: June 28, 2017, 10:00:33 AM »
Everywhere, well most, I see couples arguing and cheating, I think FB, dating sites, and today's texting as facilatating this. Not one day in my marriage did I not appreciate the fact I never had to wonder or speculate, my Wife was one in 27 billion. I think it's why I've had such a difficult time in finding someone new. And not a day that I don't miss her, and after meeting some wrong women after, am thankful I'm holding out, even if it's for the rest of my story. Hey there's always Grandchildren to FaceTime with.

Bunny

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Re: POLYAMORY
« Reply #11 on: June 28, 2017, 12:43:00 PM »
Sirin- I can see why your current relationship is so appealing and fulfilling for you. widowhood seems to have made me less inclined towards more conventional paths also, though it's manifested differently in my life. We each find our own unique meandering roads towards our happiness...
It is a fearful thing to love what Death can touch.

Sirin

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Re: POLYAMORY
« Reply #12 on: June 28, 2017, 02:03:17 PM »
Sirin- I can see why your current relationship is so appealing and fulfilling for you. widowhood seems to have made me less inclined towards more conventional paths also, though it's manifested differently in my life. We each find our own unique meandering roads towards our happiness...

"widowhood seems to have made me less inclined towards more conventional paths" - yes, exactly that, and it's manifesting in other ways as well (such activities/hobbies, etc).  When I was first considering whether to start dating, I remember thinking about the conventional paths, and just feeling this repulsion - and ended up going towards things that didn't give me that sense of repulsion.  So far it seems to work, and of course everyone's path will be different (and what works for one person will not work for another).

On the downside, it makes me feel even more disconnected from the "regular" people, because not only I am a widow, I am also doing a bunch of weird shit:)

Metv

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Re: POLYAMORY
« Reply #13 on: June 28, 2017, 10:00:13 PM »
I'm totally confused are we talking about our last spouses vs someone or being "faithful" to more than one person.
Guess that would mean we aren't really faithful to "one". Told you I wuz confused : /

Christopher

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Re: POLYAMORY
« Reply #14 on: August 15, 2017, 02:42:34 PM »
Monogamy = One at a time.

Polyamory = Everyone at the same time and they can deal with conflict/rivalry themselves. Also called "Harlotry" in many ancient cultures.

You can move on to the next person you will shower with love and affection just as easily as the first one you had. You'll mention your late spouse from time to time, sure. That's a given. The stuff that your late spouse used to do that you loved should be a behavior that your new spouse should pick up. The bad stuff belongs in the "I will manually forget that" category.

I personally need someone new to shower with love and affection but the average woman my age just isn't worth having around. So I'd like to speak to some widows and see how things go. I'm 35 (male) and it's been 7 years since I lost my beloved. Our son is 12 and has adjusted well.