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Radio Hell - Ninth Level

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Me too but I still can't hear anything.

I'm coming, I'm coming... hold yer hosses.

So lovely to see faces waiting. This is so much better... quiet. Nothing about Facebook is quiet. Sure hope none of you are going through anything like this right now.

Jenni... good answer. Love you too.

Thank you for being here. Let's get to the lists. We make lists around here.

As always, we at RH remind you that nobody belongs here, so get out!

So we have to reply to ourselves? Weird, I don't remember that. Anyway....

Before we resume broadcast, we're required to air our updated Terms of Service - which are:

1. The Gandalf-looking guy who calls himself "God" ain't welcome here. A) This is Hell, duh; B) Anyone who kills his own son should be jailed, not worshipped.

2. Other than #1, censorship is prohibited. Fasten yer seat belt. Don't like it? Turn the dial. They're probably playing "Wind Beneath My Wings" on iheartradio - go listen to those bastards.

3. If you're pregnant or nursing - well, we love and envy you, but you shouldn't be here.

Last chance to bail - you could go find a bago.

Fine, if you're that goddamm persistent, we'll be back after commercial with a report from the funeral home.

We're back, with only three days left until the BIG EVENT. Let's find out what preparations are underway from our field reporter:

"Today the bereaved parents went to the funeral home to view their son's body for the first time! As expected, the former occupant was nowhere to be found. But what a vehicle! Shiny, sleek - dressed impeccably and looking every bit as gorgeous as before the accident. If it wasn't for the plastic-looking coating on his face and the white lips, you'd almost be convinced he was just sleeping. In any case, the parents are now pre-disastered and have two days of empty space ahead as they stagger toward Saturday's memorial.

An unexpected bit of bonus information came from a later meeting with the parents of the deceased's girlfriend, who informed us that, given his age, he will probably become an URBAN LEGEND at his high school. Guess that's a form of immortality, isn't it?"

That's it for the report. Coming up next - enjoy some ventriloquism as a dozen psychics make OTHER PEOPLE'S VOICES come out of their mouths. You won't want to miss it.

Thanks for listening. Go get a life.

So radio hell, huh?! I haven't been to this site in a very long time but here I am! Kinda dusty in here... where is everyone? Sleeping probably, hopefully. Michael how are you holding up?


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