Author Topic: 5 Years Today  (Read 254 times)

HvnBound

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5 Years Today
« on: May 04, 2017, 11:37:37 AM »
I was sitting on the bed, looking at the clock this morning at 6:30 and thought, wow, five years ago I had no idea of what was about to happen, but at 6:30 I was sound asleep after he woke up around 4am to tell me we had to go to his dialysis appointment, so I reminded him that we changed the time to 11am and he fell back to sleep.....then I woke up yet again at 7:35 am (I woke up every morning at 7:35 am from Christmas Day 2011 until May 4 2012, weird I know), then I woke up at 7:35 to run to the restroom, then found him not breathing....and the rest you know, he died.

I found the ywbb 2 weeks later and read everything, I was in the chat room every night, I went to multiple bagos and minibagos and I grew. When I was at 13 weeks I posted -  I am a more direct person now than I ever was before. I am a survivor and I will do all of the things on my bucket list and I will live. - those were some bold words for me at the time, but I was determined to fight. I held to those words when things were hard, and they sure were hard.

I have met some goals I set - Lost weight and kept if off, organized my home,  I have a decent job that pays the bills, I emptied my home and got rid of 95% of my things, my home is now on the market so if anyone in Illinois near Saint Louis is interested - I will happily send you the link :), it is a 4 bed 2 bath bi-level home for $40K as is. I learned that he paid $35K for the home in 1984, makes me sort of sad since we redid the upstairs in 2008. I am still so thankful to my wonderful neighbors who watch my now emptied home. They are the best!

I have been with the same man now 3.5 years, we got engaged last spring and am now waiting for my house to sell. The past few months have been difficult, emptying the home, seeing all of the photos and mementos from vacations that DH & I took together, the process of getting rid of the things were hard but the feeling after it is now done is so much lighter, I feel lighter, like a ton has been lifted off of me....no more worrying about how messy the house is because it is empty.

My new goals are simple - to find a new job that is closer to home (sick of working every Saturday and driving 34 miles one way to work), sell the house, and to continually try my best to be the best I can be and to live my life to the fullest!!!

Take care everyone! Thank you from the bottom of my heart for all of the support you have given me these past 5 years :)

"It's time to start living the life you've imagined."

  --  Henry James

Sometimes you just have to die a little inside in order
to be reborn and rise again as a stronger and wiser version of you.
  -- Unknown

BrokenHeart2

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  • Widowed 2013
Re: 5 Years Today
« Reply #1 on: May 04, 2017, 03:23:51 PM »
Thank you for your post HvnBound.  Good to hear you are focused and doing good. 
Hugs to you!
I don't want it to be his legacy that his death destroyed me.
I need to honour his life by rebuilding my life.

Lmsmdm

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  • Joined Ywbb July/2011
Re: 5 Years Today
« Reply #2 on: May 04, 2017, 03:42:15 PM »
Glad to hear things are going well. (((Hugs)))
You hate me don't you? Yup, so much I married you twice! :)