Author Topic: Trying to stay strong  (Read 509 times)

Arney3

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Trying to stay strong
« on: May 07, 2017, 12:23:42 AM »
I feel like im failing on staying strong for my son. Hes 2.5 years old. We found my husband, his father after he committed suicide January 8th 2017. He askes for Dada all the time i just tell him "Dadas in heaven" as i try to hold back the tears. It has been a whirlwind of loss since my husband left us. A week after his death i went to the doctors and found out i was pregnant but due to all the stress i had a miscarriage. Week 3 after my husband being gone and losing our unborn child i lost a close family friend. Almost 4 months later my husbands dog got hit and killed when i was at work. I cant handle anymore loss. If it wasnt for my hamdsome son I'd never made it through the 1st day. I keep a smile on my face for him but im running out of strength. I never thought at the age 26 I'd be going through so much heartbreak.   How do i continue to remain strong for my little one?
Arney

JeanGenie

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  • Widowed 4-22-2013
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Re: Trying to stay strong
« Reply #1 on: May 07, 2017, 07:04:05 AM »
Arney,
I'm so sorry for all your loss in such a short period of time. The loss of your husband is enough to knock the wind out of you, but the loss of your unborn child, a friend, and pet, I agree is more than any one person should need to endure. What a hellish several months you've had but you've survived 4 months so far.

How do you remain strong for your little one? You're doing it...getting up each day, taking it one step at a time. Do you have a support network (friends, family, or support group)?...A safe place where you can break down and let it out. I highly recommend that. I wasn't one for support groups but to find others in my same situation definitely helped and we remain friends today, 4 years later.

I'm sure others here with little ones can offer you more advice. Be sure to take care of yourself....eat, drink plenty of water, and get sleep when you can. Your little guy needs you. Just take each moment and day as it comes.
I miss how happy I was with you.

Trying

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Re: Trying to stay strong
« Reply #2 on: May 08, 2017, 06:52:37 AM »
I had to learn that "being strong" means many things.  Asking for and accepting help, taking care of yourself, acknowledging that you are not super human are all signs of strength.  You have been dealt an impossible amount of grief and you are still standing, that is strength.  When the negative self talk starts, try to think what you would say to a best friend in your shoes.  Have compassion for yourself and let people help you, give voice to how overwhelming this is, here, with anyone in your life you feel safe with, with a counselor, in a support group.  With our kids we mostly have to fake it until we actually feel stronger but if there are times when emotions overcome you in front of your son, that's ok.

Sending you and your son virtual hugs.
You will forever be my always.

Lisa

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Re: Trying to stay strong
« Reply #3 on: May 08, 2017, 09:06:53 AM »
I agree with everything Trying said.

I am so very sorry for your terrible pain. Try not to judge yourself or how you're doing. Just be. Moment to moment.  Post whenever you want. ((Hugs))
 
"All the waves must reach the shore before the water calms"-Ray ♡

Mizpah

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Re: Trying to stay strong
« Reply #4 on: May 08, 2017, 09:22:59 AM »
What they said.  It's ok to cry.  Then he'll know it's ok to have feelings and express them in the safety of family/loved ones.  Strength isn't in denying or suppressing or avoiding feelings - it's in accepting, confronting, experiencing them in a healthy way.  Don't be hard on yourself - life's being hard enough on you.
widowed 2011 (DH 28)

JHawk

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Re: Trying to stay strong
« Reply #5 on: May 08, 2017, 10:38:23 AM »
I am so sorry.

Can you make a photo book for him of pictures of his dad? I did this for my 3-year-old after my husband died when they had a free photo book deal. She loves it.

MR

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Re: Trying to stay strong
« Reply #6 on: May 08, 2017, 04:06:43 PM »
Hi Arney3,
You are already strong person and so sorry for your losses. Strong doesn't mean just by physical it does mean combination of lots of other stuff. Just take one day at a time, spend your time with little one and take out some time for yourself too.

Hugs
Manoj

CandiceS

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Re: Trying to stay strong
« Reply #7 on: May 11, 2017, 07:07:36 PM »
Have you considered therapy? Its entirely acceptable to want to talk about these things. No one will judge you and you can choose whether or not to have your son there while you discuss everything and get it off your chest.
Never make important plans too far in the future. You never know what might happen.