Author Topic: Why quitting therapy was right for me (A Beyond Active Grieving Post)  (Read 592 times)

MissingSquish

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  • widowed 5/20/12
As some of you know, I struggled with anxiety and depression before Squish died nearly 5 years ago. In fact, there was never a time throughout most of my life that I wasn't anxious and/or depressed. Therapy was invaluable to help me process my feelings after Squish died. EMDR therapy helped me much more than talk therapy, as it was more goal oriented.

I'm at the point in my life, and my grief that I don't have a desire to return back to therapy. I've got my good days and I have my bad days, just like everyone else on this planet. I've made peace with many things that were once triggering. The ones that are still triggering, I avoid, and I no longer put myself through torture to say I've conquered it. It's ok if I don't conquer everything. I'm human. I'm forever changed by becoming a widow. I respect it.  I am not recoupled and don't plan to be. And that's OK.

I have built a good life, with great friends (both widowed and non widowed) and a great support system. I've mended my relationship with much of my family. 

How did I do all of this? 

1. Lots of work in EMDR therapy to help heal my PTSD. I was constantly having deeply disturbing, intrusive and frequent thoughts.

2. Started to build a great support system by going to bagos and meeting some of my fellow wids.

3. Started joining groups that aligned with my hobbies and interests.

4. Got my reiki I certification and started practicing self love and self healing nearly every day.

5. Started excercising daily.

6. Started prepping my meals on Sundays for the rest of the week. This is one of the best things that I have started doing for myself. I have something to look forward to eating every day. I've changed my diet to avoid allergens and foods that I am sensitive to.

7. I log my moods and thoughts every day. I use the "Real Life Change" app on my phone.

I hope this post is helpful and helps to give some perspective. Things do get better. Life does get better. It can be even better than before you were widowed, even if you aren't recoupled.
Gone but not forgotten.....my Squish.

Miss you forever baby girl, my Pru!

Lisa

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I love this post!
"All the waves must reach the shore before the water calms"-Ray ♡

Monique

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What's EMDR?
Death cannot stop true love. All it can do is delay it for a while." --The Princess Bride

Trying

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  • aka MissingmyTim
I'm am so happy to hear you are in a good place and love that the things you have found helpful encompass the mind, body and spirit.  I know your journey has not been easy but I have always admired how intentional you have been in learning how to survive and then thrive despite your grief.
You will forever be my always.

Lisa

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"All the waves must reach the shore before the water calms"-Ray ♡

MissingSquish

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  • widowed 5/20/12
What's EMDR?

EMDR is a modality of therapy that seeks to desensitize your PTSD thoughts. It does this through a technique called "Eye Movement Desentization and Reprocessing". You are asked to rate a specific disturbing thought from 0-10 with 10 being unbearably disturbing. Then, you hold either alternating buzzers or look at a light bar that has the lights alternate from your left to your right and are asked to think of that thought for a specified period of time.

This simulates REM sleep, and allows you to move past the disturbing thoughts much more rapidly and completely than through talk therapy. It's amazing.

Gone but not forgotten.....my Squish.

Miss you forever baby girl, my Pru!

MissingSquish

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  • widowed 5/20/12
Thank you Trying and Lisa. I have learned so much during my grief journey and am happy to finally be in a good place.
Gone but not forgotten.....my Squish.

Miss you forever baby girl, my Pru!

TooSoon

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I quit therapy (though I'm about to go back now) and it was the right decision at the time.  Sometimes we must follow our instincts.  Therapy helped me a lot and then I had to let go and go it on my own.  Its been more than 3 years now and its time to go back.  At the time, though, it was the right thing to do.  I hear you, MS.  xx

Wheelerswife

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  • Widowed x 2.
MissingSquish,

It has been awhile, but it makes me happy to read this post. I'm glad you are doing well. I know that things were rocky with your family. I know it probably wasn't easy to repair those relationships. Kudos to you!  I'm working on getting myself back east on a permanent basis (okay- what is permanent?) and perhaps then we can get together again.

Hugs,

Maureen
Life is short.  Love with all you've got. 

Barry 11/29/55-9/22/09       John  1/16/57-1/11/14

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