Author Topic: We are on this board because.......  (Read 1324 times)

BrokenHeart2

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  • Widowed 2013
We are on this board because.......
« on: May 11, 2017, 10:26:08 PM »
Hello my Wid Warriors, I thought I'd start this thread because things have been very quiet lately.  This board and the previous board YWBB were invaluable to me in my early years. Just a couple of my thoughts why:
I was 52 and nobody in my age group or younger "got me". I was so validated here! Wow, I found a place where others understood what I am going through.
I was so raw, I couldn't handle the phoney platitudes anymore.
I didn't feel so alone, some others actually understood.
Why do you come here?
Please share what you get or don't get from Widda.org. I want to hear it!  Painful or not, that's why "we're here,
« Last Edit: May 12, 2017, 07:09:12 AM by BrokenHeart2 »
I don't want it to be his legacy that his death destroyed me.
I need to honour his life by rebuilding my life.

Julester3

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Re: We are on this board because.......
« Reply #1 on: May 11, 2017, 10:59:16 PM »
I came here looking to see if everything I was experiencing was common or just me. I needed to know I was not crazy or unreasonable and I found validation here. I needed to share my feelings and when I found things that worked for me and my girls, I felt compelled to share so that I can pay it forward and continue to help others as others had at first helped me. I hate thinking that others are alone and isolated and desolate. I would hug each and every one who needed one, whenever they needed one. Though I lost my husband, I know my large heart has still so much love to give and I choose to use what energy I have left in my exhausting day with my fellow wids, a club we never wanted to be a part of and we all are.

klim

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Re: We are on this board because.......
« Reply #2 on: May 12, 2017, 04:06:43 AM »
this has been my therapy. My fellow wids have helped me with the worries that arose as I moved  along on this journey. Helped me with the questions that arose...will my children be ok? was a big one. ...and is what I'm feeling normal.
As I leveled out , this became a place to come to hear stories from others and to follow the progress of my friends ...yes I visited here to help keep me occupied on lonely evenings.......
4 yrrs out and I still come here regularily.
<a data-flickr-embed="true"  href="https://www.flickr.com/photos/76752159@N08/35633945020/in/dateposted-public/" title="68887863-ed45-49be-8091-d063d8095c3a_zps0693c059"><img src="https://farm5.staticflickr.com/4308/35633945020_f20f4231a2.jpg" width="300" height="225" alt="68887863-ed45-49be-8091-d063d8095c3a_zps0693c059"></a><script async src="//embedr.flickr.com/assets/client-code.js" charset="utf-8"></script>

Trying

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  • aka MissingmyTim
Re: We are on this board because.......
« Reply #3 on: May 12, 2017, 06:51:04 AM »
People in my real life either didn't understand or I didn't want to burden them/worry them with the full extent of my grief.  I needed people who understood and didn't judge me.  I needed to hear I was not crazy!  I could always find someone here who was having a similar experience and I gained hope and advice from those further along in their journey. This has always been my safe place to let my guard down and admit that I was struggling, hurting, feeling angry.  To me it has had the benefits of journaling, therapy, support group and friendship.  I found that reading and responding to other people's posts I could be be compassionate to them which was something I was having trouble being with myself.  I learned to change my negative self talk and to be more patient with myself.   As I approach 4 years out I still come here most days, I need support less often than I did early on but I want to give back as so many before me did for me.  On days when I feel like I am still such a mess it also helps for me to read posts from those of you earlier out so I can remember how far I have come. 
You will forever be my always.

2ManyQuestions

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Re: We are on this board because.......
« Reply #4 on: May 12, 2017, 07:53:17 AM »
Hello :-)

I found this site by accident and I had read a lot of stories that I could relate to.  Like most others I don't believe people truly understand grief unless one goes thru this life altering event. My opinion grief it is a form of PTSD. I have not posted much but reading others posts has helped me get thru those early days as I felt a connection that others are feeling the same. I check the site from time to time, read positive stories and unfortunately newbees who have found Widda.  I have also come across some nice people on here with interesting conversations.
We will all be forever changed that is without a doubt, every day we are able to deal with it a little better, for me I still have my days. One day I will have inner peace. I can make a choice of either get living or get dying I think I have done both.
I still have lots of questions, but I did find some answers on this site. Also knowing I what I was going thru I was not only one. I realize we all have our issues in life but this event is traumatic to ones self. I have been blessed, I loved and was loved, for me this love still carries on but in a different way.

Wishing everyone well.

Mizpah

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Re: We are on this board because.......
« Reply #5 on: May 12, 2017, 08:43:22 AM »
My mother found YWBB within the first month, and started pushing it on me.  I'd never been part of any on-line forum (and haven't been part of any others since) and was extremely resistant.  I also felt anger, that what I was going through wasn't about LOSS GENERALLY, but about DH himself.  It felt insulting that what I was going through was generic, or about me, or about grief itself - it felt like yet another thing that was being taken from him.  But then I read.  And everything people were saying resonated, in a world in which I felt completely and suddenly out of place.  It was like living in a country where everyone spoke a different language, and suddenly I was transported to a land where I found out other people talked like me too. 

I was on YWBB CONSTANTLY.  It was much busier back then, as I recall it, especially in the newly widowed section.  I read and read and wrote and PM'ed with people.  There was some toxic drama on the board within a year (2011-12, for those of you who recall the two people who went nuclear), and I left, but by that point, I had found my tribe, and made supportive relationships that have lasted to this day and I hope to have my whole life, even with people I've still never met (and many I have).  Years later, I have sisterhoods (and brothers too) that have kept me aloft and inspired me and been that communication and support constant I needed in DH's absence.  I can only hope I've contributed to their well-being as well.
widowed 2011 (DH 28)

Missing AC

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Re: We are on this board because.......
« Reply #6 on: May 12, 2017, 10:04:52 AM »
I recently passed 5 months.  Why am I here? 
I found this site in my first few weeks searching for "young widows" online and beeing here has been a lifesaver.  I came looking to know that I was not the only one in the world going through this tragic experience, that there were others out there, young, with children. I came looking for people who knew what I was going through, am still going through and will forever be going through it, because lets face it, we will carry some remnants of this grief all our lives.

No one in my real life has gone through something like this and as we all know to well they just don't understand, how can they without experiencing it.

I dont post much but I read everyday.  This is a form of therapy for me, a safe place, a place to share and ask questions when I am lost and don't know what to do and don't have anyone to go to.  I come here for a glimpse of hope that I will survive this, that I can keep going.

I draw strength from everyone here. I am so sorry we all have to be here but I am so grateful for all the wonderful, caring people on this site.

TooSoon

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Re: We are on this board because.......
« Reply #7 on: May 12, 2017, 12:13:48 PM »
I found YWBB in the middle of the night about 3 months after Scott died.  I was desperate at the time, mostly in a panic about parenting solo.  Never had I joined an online forum of any kind other than Facebook  and at first it felt very strange but it turned out to be the one thing that I swear kept me from going over the edge, especially when I really hit rock bottom.  Reading others' stories helped me feel less alone, less crazy.  Reading the stories of people "further out" gave me hope.

For any newcomers reading this, I cannot stress how important the relationships I have made in this forum were to me then and are to me now.  I, too, have made lifelong friends; it was with widows that I think I first really laughed.  Reaching out to people through PMs and bagos and especially through the newly widowed section helped so much.  In that first year a group of us from the midAtlantic/Northeast spent a weekend together in Philadelphia and one in NYC; those "reunions" were some of the only times I was able truly to relax.It was a widowed friend who came as my "date" to a fundraiser where I had to give a speech about my husband's illness and death.  It was people from this board that I knew I could call and say things that people in the rest of my life would have thought to be profoundly insane.  Here I got advice, good advice - like stop being so hard on yourself - and encouragement as I tried to sort out my daughters learning disabilities, for example.  And of course, I have the YWBB to thank for helping adp and me find our way to one another. 

Wheelerswife

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  • Widowed x 2.
Re: We are on this board because.......
« Reply #8 on: May 12, 2017, 06:46:56 PM »
I am on this board (and was on YWBB) for so many reasons.

I found YWBB when I was just a few weeks out and I went to my first bago just a few weeks later.  I cried..but people listened to me and told me their stories.  I also laughed...and it felt so good to be with people that had been through their own loss and could still laugh.

I have made some really awesome friends on YWBB and on this board and I am in contact with some of them every single day, even though none of my friends live near me.

I met my second husband on YWBB.  The day he died, I was at a bago, surrounded by other wid brothers and sisters.  I can't even find the words to explain what it meant to me to be surrounded that day, that evening, and the next day by widow/widower friends as well as some I had never met before who came to be at my side.  Some of those people had driven 3 hours to get to the bago, drove home and came back again the next day.

When I was diagnosed with cancer after my second husband died, people on YWBB collaborated to put together a book of supportive messages that was sent to me and is a cherished gift.  Several board widows and widowers traveled to my state and had a special weekend bago just for me before I had my first oncology appointment.  A board widow and cancer survivor went to my appointment with me.

I have met many people from this board and YWBB from all across the US, as well as some in Canada, Australia and Europe.

Although I am integrated into the "real world" of people who have not experienced the loss of a spouse, I still hold my widowed friends as most dear. 

I truly enjoy the connections I have with people who share their stories with me.  My widowed friends have been as vulnerable with me as I have been with them.  I have cherished widowed friends that I have still not met...but I hope to meet them some day.

I could go on...but I will stop now.  You get out of this board what you put into it.  If reading is enough for you, that is great.  But...if you want to truly develop friendships with people who understand, then reach out to someone, most likely someone in your own time frame or with a similar situation.  When someone's post resonates with you, let them know.  You don't have anything to lose.

Hugs,

Maureen
Life is short.  Love with all you've got. 

Barry 11/29/55-9/22/09       John  1/16/57-1/11/14

Empathy  Developer  Responsibility  Adaptability Connectedness

Mcdc10

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Re: We are on this board because.......
« Reply #9 on: May 13, 2017, 07:03:11 AM »
I come here because this is the place that truly understands my feelings. When my husband died I was searching for a forum to join. This seemed like the best forum for me. I was so appreciative when the New York City group met just because I was looking for widows/widowers to meet with. They were so kind and encouraging. We met in the city around December. They were further out than me, but they understand my pain.  I realized I should post more because I have many thoughts in my head and they should be shared with people who have some common understanding. We grieve differently but one thing we have in common is the loss of a love one. I have posted and I thank those who have responded to my post. I will respond more and post more because we need each other.  I know I need you.

BrokenHeart2

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  • Widowed 2013
Re: We are on this board because.......
« Reply #10 on: May 15, 2017, 06:08:38 AM »
Wow, thanks for all your great input! Yes, this board has been a source of comfort and peace for me to know I wasn't crazy :)
Hugs to all in this wid journey.
I don't want it to be his legacy that his death destroyed me.
I need to honour his life by rebuilding my life.

donswife

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Re: We are on this board because.......
« Reply #11 on: May 15, 2017, 08:45:24 AM »
I found the old board about 4 months after my Don died.
I was desperate to find a bit of sanity in this new awful reality .
It was a place that made me feel sane and truly helped me with my pain and sadness
I t helped me more then I could ever put in words
I have also met and made true friends on this board
Again sorry you all have to be here but I am glad this forum is here


My everything

Needytoo

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Re: We are on this board because.......
« Reply #12 on: May 15, 2017, 11:06:40 AM »
All my reasons to be on this site are the same as everyone else. 

Four years later I still need the support of people who have been there and understand. 

Thanks, everyone!!

MissingSquish

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  • widowed 5/20/12
Re: We are on this board because.......
« Reply #13 on: May 22, 2017, 06:58:29 PM »
I found YWBB via an internet search for young widows around 3-4 days post widowhood. I finally had the courage to register and post at 9 days put; the day before I was to go back to work. I knew that I needed to be around like minded people going through the crazy situation I had been placed in.

YWBB helped me immensely to validate my feelings and experiences. It made me feel "normal" when nothing happening to be was normal. I have been able to build a better life due to my widow support group.
Gone but not forgotten.....my Squish.

Miss you forever baby girl, my Pru!

Captains wife

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Re: We are on this board because.......
« Reply #14 on: May 24, 2017, 02:56:10 PM »
I found YWBB after I suddenly lost my husband (aged 38) and was left as a single mother of a nine month old - and we had moved to a town where I didn't know anyone only 3 months earlier. The whole shock of it and the feeling of isolation seemed unbearable at the time and I also had moments where I thought I was losing it, especially in those first years. I also had no outlet for my emotions as my widow-dom made friends and family very uncomfortable. I am eternally grateful for the support I received here - and the ability to share what I was going through. Although I am in a much better place now (5 years on), I still come here to hopefully lend some support plus I like to check in to see how everyone is doing, especially those who have walked this widow path with me.