Author Topic: Did I dream him up  (Read 125 times)

Jennica

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Did I dream him up
« on: November 20, 2017, 09:48:35 PM »
Lately I have been feeling like was he ever here, did I make him up.?  Is that not weird.? It’s like a dream, some memories are foggy or so far in the distance that I am having a hard time remembering what it was like when he lived here with us.
I don’t know what has been going on lately, I have been a bit more emotional than usual. It could be the holidays approaching or that I’m tired. I don’t really know.
It’s been 15 months. I have been feeling stuck for a bit. I have been trying to figure out why. I think it has to do with not letting go of the past. It’s safe here. I don’t have to leave my bubble or move on.  If I stay were I am then I really can’t leave him. If I move forward then I am living a life without him. I’m struggling with this part.  I think I have more grieving to do. I have not accepted that part yet, the living without him.
I know I’m a bit all over the place. I just needed a spot to get my thoughts out.
Jennica

Toosoon2.0

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Re: Did I dream him up
« Reply #1 on: November 21, 2017, 04:46:13 AM »
I hope you wake up today feeling a bit more grounded.  What you describe is something very familiar to me and I think it is in some way simply a natural consequence of the passage of time.  At 15 months, I was just starting to come out of the deep fog I was in for that first year or so and while some days things felt like they were leveling out a little bit, other days it all just felt so surreal and strange.  I remember thinking over and over again, "Everything around me looks the same but nothing is the same at all anymore."  (ie. because he's gone) It took a long time to get used to that.  I tried not to think about it in terms of letting go but rather making peace with it.  That helped me with some of the transitions through grief over these last few years.  Take care, Christine

BrokenHeart2

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  • Widowed 2013
Re: Did I dream him up
« Reply #2 on: November 21, 2017, 11:19:30 AM »
I too can relate to what you are both saying. I still feel like that sometimes.
Hugs
I don't want it to be his legacy that his death destroyed me.
I need to honour his life by rebuilding my life.