Time Frame > Newly Widowed (1 day to 6 months)

What should I tell people?

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CandiceS:
We recently had it confirmed that my boyfriend died of an overdose from laced heroin. We had NO idea he was on it, no one did as far as we know. Everyone has been asking, and I was honest with his friends. I told my mom and sister because everyone until then was supportive and they keep talking badly about him like he was a horrible abusive junkie or something. He wasn't. I've started telling people I don't know and don't want to know because, frankly, it's none of their f****** business how he died, but that won't hold forever and I'm going to hit the next person that tells me he was a bad person because he hung out with the wrong crowd. I don't even think it was a longtime thing because he made some new friends and started going out more for like two weeks before he died that he was really secretive about.

Monique:
I'm sorry you have to deal with people critcizing his mistakes when you're already grieving. I don't have a good answer for what to tell people, other than you don't have to share anything you're not comfortable with. My fiancé died by suicide, specifically poison, so I'm in the same situation of not really wanting to explain to everyone who asks. I usually just tell people I'd rather not talk about it.

MR:
I am so sorry for your loss. I think the best thing would be to tell people that you are not ready to talk about him or his death and once you are ready you will talk. This will give you time to go thru your grief and most people will forget about it.

Hugs
Manoj

Portside:
My late wife whored herself around to support her addiction of the day/week for many years. She then blew herself apart in my youngest son's bedroom (9 yrs old)  to ensure he would find her shattered body.

I can't very well tell most folks that can I?

When asked, I usually said something like - "She suffered for years and was no longer able to hang on to her sanity". Or some such words.

You can't stop people from asking about it. The folks that cared about you and your husband will get it and quit asking. The others, well . . . . 

Good luck - Mike

Forgottenwife:

--- Quote from: CandiceS on May 14, 2017, 11:55:21 PM ---I told my mom and sister because everyone until then was supportive and they keep talking badly about him like he was a horrible abusive junkie or something. He wasn't. I've started telling people I don't know and don't want to know because, frankly, it's none of their f****** business how he died, but that won't hold forever and I'm going to hit the next person that tells me he was a bad person because he hung out with the wrong crowd.

--- End quote ---

My deepest condolences on the loss of your boyfriend, I am so sorry.

My spouse was also an addict and passed in a rather unpleasant way from suicide, I completely understand that you don't want to say it. I just say, 'he struggled with a long term illness and eventually took his own life,' and that's it. I'm sorry people are saying your boyfriend was a 'junkie,' that is awful. I found unfortunately people got their little thrill of sensationalism and most faded away back to their own lives. A few people, my real friends and supporters, stuck it out and we are still friends today. I hope you have some of those with you.

Losing someone to addiction is painful enough. Please take care of yourself.

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