Author Topic: It is time  (Read 712 times)


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It is time
« on: May 16, 2017, 04:47:10 PM »
I did it.  I finally did it.  3 years, 4 months and 5 days after he died, I finally interred the rest of his ashes. 2 summers ago, when I was about 18 months out, I interred half of his ashes in northern California beside his late wife.  I was still heavily grieving at that time, but I felt like I just needed to get it over with.  I invited his brother and stepson and some friends who lived there and we had a spontaneous gathering, buried the ashes in a cedar box that was built by a lifelong friend, and then we went back to the home of friends for a shared meal. 

Today, it was just for me.  Neither of us has family here, but this was his home…and then our home together.  I never thought that a conversation we had while standing at his late wife’s grave 2 ½ weeks before he died would almost be a premonition about what was coming.  I said to him, “We never did decide where we would be buried together.”  His reply?  “Kansas, of course!”  So.  There it was.  Our decision.

Just after he died, I had medical issues, surgery and the shocking diagnosis of a rare and aggressive cancer.  I wanted to be sure that, should the beast kill me quickly (wouldn’t that be nice?) - that our wishes would be followed.  So, I purchased a plot at the local town cemetery and I chose a gravestone for the 2 of us.  The plot and stone have been there for a while, and everyone who has reason to pass by the unique stone comments about John’s grave.  Up until today, he wasn’t even buried there.

It is time.  I need to leave his ashes here.  This was the place he loved, particularly the university he loved and the university that loved him.  The university won’t forget him.  He has a memorial tree, a day celebrating research and creative activities that is named John H******** Day, a faculty award named for him, department awards for students, and an endowed scholarship.  The university has their memorials, and I have mine.

It is time.  It is time to take more steps forward.  My degree is finished.  Walking at graduation this past weekend made that seem even more final.  I’m packing up my house, preparing to rent it to a young professor and her husband who might then buy it, and I am looking for a job back east. 

It is time.  Big steps are coming.  I’m not sure exactly where, but it is possible that in a matter of a few weeks I will be transitioning to a new location, a new job…a new everything, really.

It is time.

« Last Edit: May 16, 2017, 06:25:02 PM by Wheelerswife »
Life is short.  Love with all you've got. 

Barry 11/29/55-9/22/09       John  1/16/57-1/11/14

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Re: It is time
« Reply #1 on: May 16, 2017, 06:09:16 PM »
Wow Maureen, major changes all around. Congratulations on graduating. It much have been so bittersweet for you. Best of luck on a new job and your move.
I don't want it to be his legacy that his death destroyed me.
I need to honour his life by rebuilding my life.


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Re: It is time
« Reply #2 on: May 16, 2017, 08:37:38 PM »
Maureen, your post made me cry . I remember when your husband died, how incredibly sad it was and you just seem to radiate strength . To become a widow a second time, so unbelievable.  I've followed along with your posts, I feel like in an odd way I know you, although we have never met . I hope one day to meet you, give you a widda hug . Your strength and courage inspires me .
I wish you the best in moving and starting again . Thank you for always being so open with us .
"To love another person is to see the face of God "


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Re: It is time
« Reply #3 on: May 16, 2017, 08:43:56 PM »
Hugs Maureen!


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Re: It is time
« Reply #4 on: May 16, 2017, 11:19:42 PM »
Hugs... You are an amazing supportive woman and such an inspiration...wishing you all the best of everything!


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Re: It is time
« Reply #5 on: May 17, 2017, 07:20:38 AM »
Definitely big steps!  I'm sure these transitions are very bittersweet as you look forward you can't help but reflect back.  I hope your job search goes well and that you can see in yourself what all of us do, you are a survivor!
You will forever be my always.


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Re: It is time
« Reply #6 on: May 17, 2017, 10:54:53 AM »
What a busy time for you.
Congratulations on finishing your degree!
You left and forgot to tell my heart how to live without you.


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Re: It is time
« Reply #7 on: May 17, 2017, 04:31:30 PM »
Hugs, Maureen - the milestones and events are odd but good.  I am glad you were able to lay John's ashes as he wanted and feel good about it.  It will be fun to see how things go for you from here!

Take care,
Rob T
There was something fishy about the butler.  I think he was a Pisces, probably working for scale.


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Re: It is time
« Reply #8 on: May 18, 2017, 11:42:43 AM »
hugs to you! I was very relieved when I released DH's ashes....