Time Frame > Newly Widowed (1 day to 6 months)

Tips/experiences/etc?

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Mishka3086:
Hey all...

So apparently this is normal. But 4 months out and suddenly I am alone, none of my own 2 friends and none of His family to hear/listen/talk etc....

For those of you who were also very alone and had limited friends they could lean on. How did you cope? Any tips on passing the time when you're down and depressed and tired of reaching out to the wrong people who don't really care? I have 2 kids, one teenage and one newborn. My family doesn't really understand. I feel alone and angry. Please share your input/experience. All are welcome and appreciated!!! Love and light to all.

💚

bromans:
Hey Mishka, so sorry you are going through this. I don't think I can tell you what's normal, but for me therapy has helped a great deal with sleeping and just being able to say absolutely anything. Especially now that I feel like everyone has gone back to their normal lives, its good to be able to let out as much as I need to and know thatI'm not inconveniencing anyone. As far as passing the time, I'm still trying to figure that out myself. I hope you're able to find something that works for you.

TooSoon:
Hi Mishka,  I also went to therapy religiously every week for a long time.  When I hit my really low point at about 8 months, I spent a lot of time alone with my thoughts.  I quite literally "sat" with myself, sometimes just sitting, sometimes walking, sometimes reading, sometimes doing yoga but I retrained my brain to think differently and to get comfortable being alone.  It helped. 

Most importantly know that there is no right or wrong way but one way or another, you will get through this in time.

Julester3:
I did therapy monthly and came here to help me work on myself. I focused mainly on my kids and their needs. I taught them open dialogue and encouraged them to share what was on their minds and to talk about their dad whenever they wanted to. I work full time so I fill the day so much with work, kids, household errands, etc that when it's time to settle down I'm exhausted already so I can sleep. When I have open time, I crochet or scrapbook. I just have to keep occupied all the time. The loneliness and anger hits when I am too idle. My coping strategy is to be busy. My circle of friends is small but I don't like being a burden and I need to learn to be self reliant now. It sucks but I feel we are making it through well.

Christopher:
I started playing an MMORPG and watching movies and listening to music without words. Wordy music messes with an already broken heart so a strict "no words" policy worked great. I enjoy Ori Uplift's Uplifting Only though sometimes I venture out to listen to A State of Trance these days.

Nobody to talk to... yup. It's a lonely road. Nobody gets it. They all run away when you start opening up about it. They can't handle you at full blast so give them little drops.

You are not alone in the world, you are just alone in your former world. That death killed the old you too. You aren't that person anymore. This is the new normal.

You will be doing your own therapy in most cases, even if you hire a therapist. In most cases, all they know is from books so they are clueless. This is why you will be doing it mostly by yourself, at your own speed. Do not stay indoors. Get out in nature as much as possible. Indoors is a death trap (emotionally, mentally).

Just find something to keep your hands busy while your heart and mind work out the kinks. If you have kiddos, be a blessing to them (without being a door mat; they need to learn life skills).

This is your road to walk. Only those that have walked through their own private, personal hell of grief will truly understand what you are going through.

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