Time Frame > Beyond the First Year (1+ years)

All the words I can't say

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please dont apologize and by all means keep posting, I know it feels like back sliding, but it isnt. grief changes. you may feel as if you are at day one but you arent. 3 years is a weird time. I thought I was doing well but I was out of control.
It takes much longer to be at peace with your past and present, please dont judge yourself. be kind to yourself.

Jen, Monique
(I was too tired to reply when I first read the original, sole two posts on this thread)

This is the reason I keep coming back to widda.org
There is someone who will write what is in my head, and someone who will reply with kindness

thank you


Hugs to you too. I know what you mean- sometimes I don't have the right words to express what I'm feeling, but then I find someone here who DOES, and just reading other's experiences helps me to feel less alone.

I wrote something similar on the old board at around 3 years.  I wrote it a few more times as the years went by.   I worked so hard and made progress but when I actually looked at where I was, it seemed such a small step forward compared to the work and agony and frustration I’d been through. I tried not to compare myself to others but it was hard not to.

Every word you wrote. . .read that again. . . EVERY WORD YOU WROTE describes how I felt for what seemed like longer than everyone else.

One of the old time widows back on YWBB (I forget who it was) used to say that most of her healing happened between 5 and 10 years and it happened without her really noticing it.  I guess now I get to be the old time widow that says that.  I don’t mean things didn’t improve before 5 years but simply that between 5 & 10 years I started making leaps forward instead of inching my way through life. Still some backsliding but overall I kept going in the right direction.

I was what I considered a slow griever.  Maybe you are too.  So I just wanted to say that I did find my way through grief and came out on the other side of it.  I know how discouraging it seems at the point you are at but I am sending you a message from the future.

It’s OK to still feel the way you feel so try not to get  too discouraged. It may take longer than you once imagined. For some of us widowhood is a marathon and not a sprint but we still get to the finish line.

Jen  Three years and then some, I can relate.  You're not an outsider.  Big big hugs to you, I'm listening too


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